No More Pain

I caught our landlord, Pete this morning taking the trash down to the street. Pete is happily married, and he and his wife treat me like a daughter. It’s nice, you know? He takes care of all the manly stuff around here, and then goes home to his wife. I like it.

He asked how I was feeling, and I just beamed and told him, “Great!” He looked so perplexed, and said, “You are handling this whole thing so well.” (The Breast Cancer )

I looked at him and said, “It’s not me. It’s all God.”

toby

Breast Cancer was my secret for a while.

I ignored the symptoms for months, and self diagnosed continuously. Reaching for some other conclusion besides the big “C.” How can God get the glory for the miracle in store if nobody knows? I am sharing this journey in hopes of encouraging others through.

An ordinary woman, walking into the second half of her life with a daughter, a few of my favorite things, and God. If I can do it, so can you. How was I going to continue this mission with Cancer? For me, it was an ugly word, so how was there going to be beauty? Because God is a master at beauty.

God knows I am stubborn. He knows it’s going to take time to get me where I need to be. The best way to get my attention is physical pain. God doesn’t cause pain, but He will use it.

I was in a lot of pain. It took time, but it got to the point where I dreaded going to bed at night. I knew it was going to hurt when I laid down. I didn’t share this with anyone. Only the few people who saw me, could tell I was in a world of pain. They watched and waited.

They knew it was going to have to be my decision to go see a doctor. Finally, I surrendered.

healing

Do you know, the day I left that doctor’s office, my pain subsided? That night was the first night in months, I slept all night with no pain. By surrendering, and taking that first step into the doctor, and onto this path, God was pleased. I was terrified, but God was happy.

At first, I didn’t want anyone to know, or anyone to pity me. There is a difference between pity and sympathy. When I wrote the initial Blog about it, some friends were taken aback, and not sure what to say, so I just let them be. Others embraced it, and stood up as Prayer Warriors immediately.

My life seems more beautiful recently than ever before, or maybe I am seeing it through eyes of no pain. Whatever it is, there’s no more pain.

Badass or Stubborn

The pain in my breast woke me up early this morning. It was dark outside, but as I sat up to assess, there was light in my room coming from my phone. A friend was posting one encouraging post after another on Facebook. I just sat and read them, and then told her thank you. I needed the encouragement.

**If you are confused by this post, please read yesterday’s Blog entitled, While I Wait.

Romans 8:18 says, “The pain that you’ve been feeling, can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.” I’m standing on that and many other promises today.

The pain wasn’t from the mass itself. It was from the biopsy. An instrument was used to take 3 bites of the mass in two different places.

God doesn’t put us in pain, however, I do believe He will use that pain to push us towards our destiny.

Last October, I wrote a Blog entitled, Low Level Pain. I didn’t reveal it then, but my body was feeling a low level pain from that breast. Oh yes….The body knows everything we’re going through, and will speak to us if we’re willing to listen. I didn’t want to listen.

My pain increased over time. This is where the badass part comes in. I have a very high tolerance to pain. I can take it, and a rather large amount. It wasn’t until I had reached my limit, and couldn’t take it anymore, that things changed. I had to stop fighting and surrender to the pain.

After that initial doctor visit, my pain was gone. Thank you Jesus.

Looking back it amazes me how I accommodated the pain. It took forever to get comfortable at night to go to sleep. Then to stay asleep was the trick. Toward the end I had to fall asleep propped up in a semi-sitting position, because it was better than laying down.

Am I a badass, or just stubborn?

I dunno….but the one thing I do know is I’m ready for less suffering, and more glory to God.