Tag: Inbarbsworld

Farewell to Who I Thought I Was

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It’s Saturday morning in the first week of October and my home is so still and quiet, one could hear my stomach grumble.

I’m supposed to be attending a Jack Canfield, Breakthrough to Success weekend workshop. I was invited by someone who doesn’t know me very well, but sees me as motivated. Friday was the first day I attended, but it reminded me of a Richard Simmons workout, as the spokesman was trying to get the audience pumped up and motivated before Jack appeared.

It was a revelation that my nervous system couldn’t handle the energy of the environment created by the motivational speaker, but 20 years ago I thought I wanted to be him. Now I realize you can make an impact quietly.

Friday, I met a friend for coffee and on the drive over I asked myself if there were any problems in my life that needed to be resolved. The only thing that came to mind was that morning catching the dog with his head in the litter box, eating cat poop. He knew that was not acceptable as soon as he was caught, so that problem had passed. I shared this with my friend and we had a hearty laugh.

Finding people to love and to be loved is connecting with the chosen few who align with your kind of weirdness.

I’m making shifts, creating space, and purchased a book of blank pages to write the next chapter. I’m officially letting go of Letitgocoach, but continue to write. Letitgocoach became a name that others knew me by, but there’s no desire to fill those shoes. It was something I had to prove to myself that I could get certified and did, only to place another check mark on the ‘done’ list.

When I talk with people in my life today, they say, “Tell me about Barb’s world”, and I smile. I’ve been writing on that WordPress site, but want to share with you…I’m letting go of who I was thought to be, and to simply be. Thank you for your love and kind words of support through the years.

You are welcome to join me Inbarbsworld.

The Next Chapter

Feel the Music

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When someone newly sober asks how long I’ve been sober, it’s almost embarrassing to answer. I bow my head and mumble, “23 years”. They are shocked and ask, “How’d you do it?” I’m quick to admit, “It wasn’t me.”

I do know, if it wasn’t for sobriety, the life I live now wouldn’t exist. I’d most likely be dead. This has been one of those weeks where I see glimpses of my maker in every little thing. This morning I met an Artisan in a parking lot to look at her handmade, cloth bowls. I came home with one, but took note of her email address knowing she’d create specific ones in the future.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I’m walking through every door that crack opens toward that future. Just like meeting with an Artisan in a nearby parking lot.

I returned home, as my daughter was leaving the house and showed her the bowl. She knows my dream for the future, and sees me taking steps toward it. As I strolled down the hallway, shedding my jacket I shouted over one shoulder, “Look at us now”, thinking how far we’ve come, but I know better than that. It will forever be, “Look what you’ve done!”

Look What You’ve Done ~ Tasha Layton

Peonies in December

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This particular grocery store has a row of fresh cut flowers on display as soon as you enter. I pause, look and smile. Strolling by the row of buckets, each containing fresh cut bouquets, I stood still and gazed at the last bucket.

There stood our favorite flower.

The Peony.

time

This flower is prevalent in summer.

Sitting at the coffee table this morning gazing at the Christmas tree, through a vase full of Peonies. It’s fabulous as cold as it’s been to have a moment like this in December. Unrush my darling. Moments are waiting for attention.

peony

Peonies in December.

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In Barbs World

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I didn’t have any plans of being a Letting Go Coach. It was offered to me after personally going through a series of Letting Go lessons. I have a tendency to walk through every door that opens, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay indefinitely.

All I wanted to do at the time was write, so Letitgocoach became my nom de plume.

In the midst of creating this site, I was instructed by WordPress to choose a name. I had just completed my Letting Go Coaching Certification, so I wanted the name to reflect where I was. After trying numerous variations of the words ‘Letting Go’, Letitgocoach was the only name available for purchase. I began to write as Letitgocoach.

This morning, I was playing around with this site, and decided to make a change. There haven’t been many changes made to it since the very beginning, so it was time to give it a more simplified look. This year alone there have been many changes in me, so the site should reflect more of who I am today.

After choosing a theme, I was prompted to give it a name.

I clicked a lowercase ‘L’, thinking it would remember Letitgocoach, but the computer thought my lowercase ‘l’, was an I, and auto-filled with Inbarbsworld. I haven’t seen that name in years. I used it as an email address 25 years ago.

There are many stories behind Inbarbsworld, but most people refer to it in a teasing sort of way. One thing they have in common is they always say, “Everyone deserves a day Inbarbsworld.”

My name is Barb, and welcome to my world.

Quitting My Circumstances

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My daughter spent most of the day in her room. She hasn’t done that in years, or not since we moved out on our own. She walked out of her room and asked, “So, when are you going to quit this job?” Her Mother was unrecognizable, sitting in a vat of misery. So, that’s what I did.

Since taking this job, which began as helping someone out of a tight spot, I have noticed a few things about myself that I didn’t like. I have been a Virtual Assistant by trade, but this job escalated way beyond that. I won’t bore you with all the details, but let’s just say I was under micromanagement. I can do my job, but the person who hires me has to let me.

The last email of many I received today caught my eye. He had listed all my responsibilities, and wanted to ensure this was a pleasant experience for both of us. I had agreed to answer the phone, return voicemail, and schedule appointments. Very basic. This list was not basic, so I hit reply, and told him he needed a full time assistant. He needed someone else.

Then I told him, “This is not pleasant.”

My world got very quiet after that reply was sent. It was so good to hear the silence.

I walked across the room to my personal laptop and pulled up my Letitgocoach Facebook page. While I had been sitting in a daze, God had been on Facebook. I had 99+ notifications in a two hour time span. I clicked on them, and to my surprise, this one lady had liked and shared over 50 of my posts. I pulled up her page, just to see if what was happening was real.

It was like God was saying…”See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19. Taking this job was not a new thing. It was old because I have gone down this road before. The only thing that has changed from the last time I helped, is me.

What to Crave

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Yesterday was not a very pretty day Inbarbsworld. I allowed something to bother me to the point of sadness. That doesn’t happen very often and it’s not a good feeling. My daughter drove to the store and bought a cake. That helped.

This morning I received an email from a Blog I follow. This guy has wisdom and I enjoy learning from him. He always pulls me up to the 30,000 foot view and helps me see the big picture. His name is Leo Babauta from Zen Habits.

He is studying Buddhas Four Noble Truths in more depth and he mentions ‘crave.’ It made me ponder what I crave besides cake with buttercream icing on an off day. This part of the article drew me back to where I needed to be.

“Just be in the moment you’re in, and see what’s actually in front of you. Not what you read into the moment, but what’s really there, in terms of light and sound and physical molecules. See if you can accept all of that exactly as it is, without craving something else, without avoiding what’s there. Just accept.”

Today, I will do a better job at sitting in the present moment and seeing what is there. Sometimes I try to read more into the situation than is really there. That is not healthy for me today.

If you have read my Blogs, you know, I am a woman filled with love. To cover people with love and help them feel special brings me joy. When I do this throughout the day, my cup starts to empty. Give from the saucer not the cup.

When you give love, make sure you are receiving it in return. It’s okay to give and not receive, but don’t give it all away. When we do, at the end of the day there’s an emptiness which can crave to be refilled with love.