A Good Problem

Blogging is like having a public journal.

Blogging has worked, because I kept misplacing journals whenever we moved. Writing publicly is healing, and can help others heal, so yes, it’s like letting everyone read your journal. I am behind, so let’s take some time to catch up.

I promised a friend I would write about this, so here it is E!

In August, I read a book by Melodie Beattie entitled, Make Miracles in Forty Days. You may be aware, I’m a huge Melody fan, and treasure all her books, but this one intrigued me. I believe in miracles, and believe I’m a walking miracle, so I read the book, and did what she said.

At first glance it seemed like another gratitude list exercise, but there’s a twist! You write what you’re grateful for, but you also write what you’re NOT grateful for.

On August 26th my writing began. At first it was habitual to list everything I was grateful for. Referring back to the book, I learned how to phrase things that were bothering me. Here are a few examples, along with their outcome.

You begin by writing, “I am grateful today that…”

My doctor wants to see me, even though I don’t know why. (The miracle is they were not alarmed by my mammogram and agreed to see me In Six Months)

dontsettle

I have a dependable job, and get to work from home, even though I would like to make more money. (I was offered a new job)

I love my home, but would like for my daughter to live closer to town, her friends, and her father. (We are moving into a new home, near the lake, January 1st) I love the lake.

You get the idea. I’m grateful for a beautiful life, and this exercise helped open my heart, and mind for changes that needed to be made. The journaling continued longer than 40 days, because I still do it today. You can also do this with a friend via email. To just stay grateful, and let God work.

I told a friend, “I don’t know how many more of God’s blessings I can take!

That is a good problem to have.

Pure-Hearted Humility

My first year of Blogging, a lady commented on one of my posts that I had been nominated for a Blogger award. I had no clue what that meant, so I thanked her, and continued writing.

I read a Blog this morning by Liz at My Well-being and Learning Journey. She had been nominated for an award. By being nominated, you are asked to nominate 15 other Bloggers. (When I began Blogging, I didn’t know 5, much less 15.) She didn’t pinpoint any nominees. By reading her post, consider yourself nominated. Liz is pure-hearted humility.

disrupt

 

My Darling Daughter

This Blog began 4 years ago by a suggestion from my daughter. We had moved, and packing up in haste had caused me to lose track of my journals. My daughter said, “What goes on the Internet, stays on the Internet.” This will be here for her and her children, when I am no longer here. Which by God’s grace will not be for another 50 years.

My daughter has a happy Mom, and is quick to notice otherwise. She spent the younger years of her life seeing me unhappy. If I’m unhappy today. she is quick to say, “Is this what you left a 25 year marriage for?” Listen to the heart.

My darling daughter… I hope you always follow your heart.

Processed with VSCO with 3 preset

When Brett visited in 2017, and you drove him to this Milo field.

We laugh all the time. You have your favorite quotes by me written in your phone. CPS would have been here years ago if they read them. This is my favorite look on you. All natural, and with no makeup, You turned 18 last week, and believe this world doesn’t look your way unless you to look like this.

Processed with VSCO with 10 preset

Instagram famous.

I asked you to send me some birthday pics, and you sent these. Which girl looks happier? Release the happy one.

I have studied this picture of Brett and you. He is the love of your life right now, but years from now, will he still be? Will you be married, and have puppies instead of children?

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

The cool kids.

Looking into your eyes, I can’t see you, but you are in there.

The authentic self is hanging on by a thread. Don’t wake up one year before your 50th birthday and decide to follow you heart. Let it lead and guide you down a path of happiness.

Breaking Heart Strings

July has taught me what makes the heart happy, and sad.

Making up my bed this morning, and catching a glimpse of the Happiness sign, I stopped making it up, and changed the sheets. That made my heart happy. They will feel good tonight.

Detachment is a word commonly used in Letting Go. Today, I saw the word, ‘Unattached’, and that felt softer. Detachment always left me feeling cold, and that’s not me.

I imagined strings attached to my heart, and they would attach to another heart, or circumstance. Anything that made the heart happy. When something occurs that made the heart sad, a string would break, and fall away. Over time with repetition, the heart becomes unattached. What used to excite the heart doesn’t phase it now. The strings are gone.

original

Trust the Process

ferns

It was early morning as I was sat in the front porch swing, pondering my sobriety. November 10th will mark 19 years sober. It’s scary getting close to the 20 year mark because you want to keep it. God spoke to my heart and said, “What are you doing to protect it?” I had lost track of that piece of me. It was time to go back and visit Alcoholics Anonymous.

Walking into a meeting the topic was ‘Unity.’ That felt good.

Sitting, listening to people share, and gathering up wisdom from the room. I was taking notes for later, and my pen started writing without a thought. Looking at the page it read, “I don’t need an intimate relationship, but I do need/want love.” The date was Sunday, July 2nd, which was right before I Bled Out, and then came, You are Good.

I’ve been reading Melody Beattie. My heart is tender now, and I want to keep it. To keep a tender heart you have to douse yourself with the tender-hearted. Like the ferns on the porch that get drenched everyday, I’m going to trust the process.

 

I Bled Out

A few months ago, my daughter said, “You’re always staring at that phone!” She looks at hers too, but mainly to connect with friends. I was checking all my Social Media accounts.

Something was going to change, and it was me.

anthony

I’ve done pretty much the same thing the past few years.

I’m finding balance between people and technology.

Is the phone a tool, or a lifeline? How do you use yours?

It helps us stay connected to those we love, but I became loved out. I allowed my phone to be shut off for 3 weeks, and I didn’t miss it. The only thing I missed was calling my sister, and hearing her voice. I even printed out some of my Blogs, and mailed them to her to let her see what I’ve been doing.

I use a laptop, or pen to paper to write. No phone.

2016-01-27-19-12-23

God has given me two more Blogs, but WordPress is where I began. The WordPress community is an actual community. When someone outside of WordPress reads your Blog, they cannot like, or comment without opening an account. If they are not already in WordPress, they have to join. No likes or comments from friends outside WordPress. ‘Social’ Media?

Do you know how much of you is in your phone?

Do you know it’s big business to sell contact information?

How would you feel if it fell in water and you lost it all?

Can you leave the house without it, and enjoy yourself?

These are just a few things I learned without my phone. Why did I turn it back on? My landlord tried contacting me, and when I didn’t respond, he was worried something was wrong. I told him it was shut off, and he couldn’t fathom it.

johncena

This is our kitten and his name is John Cena.

My daughter named him, and it’s fun yelling JOHHHHHHN CEEEEENA all day. He knows his name, and walks into view when we call him. Unless, he is asleep somewhere.

He isn’t allowed in our bedrooms, but yesterday, I was sitting in bed, writing in a journal, and dozed off. When I awoke, John Cena was not only in my room, but in my bed! His paws wrapped around my ankle, and using my bare foot as his pillow. I just sat there wishing I had my phone to snap a pic.

My daughter said, “It’s a good thing you had your phone in the bed, so you could snap that pic.” I didn’t have my phone. Luckily, John stayed put while I found it. I bought my daughter a small plaque that says, “I love you more than my phone.” It feels good to say that, but even better to feel it.

The Wanna List

It was a beautiful weekend. I stayed home, and did whatever made my heart happy. It’s refreshing at this stage of my life to have no more ‘to do’ list. Instead, there is a ‘wanna’ list.

Throughout the day, I would see something that could to be done, and ask myself, “Do I wanna do that?” My daughter painted the walls of her bedroom last week, so now the trim looks dingy. The man at the paint store gave her a quart of, ‘Whitest White’, to try. Did I wanna paint trim, and surprise her when she arrived home from her Dad’s? Not really.

I grabbed a wooden plant stand she has in her room, and took it to the porch. My vision was to paint it using the white to see if she wanted something that bright in her room, before painting miles of trim. Dipping the paint brush into the can, and doing light strokes across the top shelf, it didn’t cover the surface completely. You could see the original color peeping through, which complimented her room as is.  I continued with light strokes on all three shelves, and boom!

plantstand

It took all of 10 minutes, and I believe she will be pleased.

That is how I spent the weekend. Giving my life a light touch.

In the post entitled, Dream While Awake, we talk about de-cluttering, and making room for more. We already have more than enough ‘things’ lovely, so that’s not the point.

It really is de-cluttering our minds, and hearts, to make room for more of what brings us joy! You can see from the picture, my daughter is into plants. She has collected a few easy ones, because neither of us have good luck with them. We love them to death. Literally. Plants take a light, loving touch.

This Spring, my daughter had a vision for our front porch. We have two hooks to hang plants from, and she requested Boston Ferns. My initial reaction was, “I can probably kill those quickly!” I have never been able to keep one alive, but my guess would be, I tried too hard. Like a lot of things in my life before now. I bought one, hung it on the porch, and she was happy. It’s been easy to care for, but she gently reminded me there is one more hook. This weekend, I gazed at the empty hook, and just knew it didn’t need to be empty.

I gave myself time with the one and only fern. Telling myself, “If I can keep it alive and flourishing, it would receive a companion.” My daughter’s vision has become a reality.

ferns

My daughter and I are so well connected, the things that make my heart happy, make her heart happy too. Speaking of heart happy. This will make your heart soar. SC Lourie’s new journal, “How the Light Gets Out,” is available now! This journal is so beautiful, I have been carrying it from room to room for over a month. You can view and purchase it here.

This journal brings me joy! SC Lourie is one of my favorite writer’s and she’s an inspiration to me. You may know her as ButterfliesandPebbles. The pages of her journal are so beautiful, I haven’t felt led to write in it! It’s not that I’m afraid to use it because I surely will, but it waters my soul just as it is.

Lastnight, as my weekend was coming to a close, I sat and flipped through the pages. When I saw this page, I was happy to see we were on the same page. Hah! (Good pun). SC Lourie had summed up my weekend, and my life. It says, “What do you wanna, darling?” I’ll just leave that here.

When Stork Stares

IMG_20161128_104228This morning, Stork perched on the railing of this pier. He felt me watching, turned his head and stared straight back. That got my attention. It had been years since he did that.

The stare was an acknowledgement. “You are sitting still, watching, and I have your full attention. Good!” It was scary, but exciting at the same time! If you don’t know about the Great Blue Heron in my life, you can read more here. Stork is my sign from God that I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

My morning meditation, “You are on the path of my choosing.

To be on the path of God’s choosing. It may begin on a path we choose, but God will come in and straighten it out. He is always with us on our journey, and if we lose our way, we can follow Him. He doesn’t judge, and loves unconditionally.

“I have this hope. In the depth of my soul. In the flood or fire, you’re with me and you won’t let go.” That is my hope.

 

 

 

 

Being An Adult

I love being an adult. When you’re a teenager, you are too young for most of what you would like to do and too old for the rest. Being an adult, you can do most anything you want to do, within reason of course. I do have boundaries.

I’ve started to journal again. It started a couple of weeks ago with a gratitude list and evolved from there. The book I was writing in is one of my favorites, but small and difficult manage. A trip to the barn took me to just the right book.

blog I’ve had a very quiet season with God the past few months. It’s like He moved us into this house and said, “Wait for it.” He is moving now and everyday I see something new. A small thing happens where I can tell we are on the same path. Everything that has occured this year is starting to make sense now. It’s very exciting.

I was curled up on my bed with a cup of green tea and this book I want to use as my journal. It made me pause and wonder, how many women get to do this? To curl up in the middle of their bed, in early evening and gaze out the windows and just be. I don’t have to do anything, but I get to.

I get to be an adult and become whatever God wants me to be. My daughter just turned 16 and wants to go to Australia in a couple of years. I’d better enjoy this next couple of years I have with her because they go by too fast. If you are a Mom with more than one child and the only time you get to curl up in bed is for sleep, be encouraged. It won’t last, so enjoy where you are.

You see, 10 years ago, I put my dreams on hold to be the best Mom I could possibly be. God doesn’t forget the dreams He puts in your heart. He knows what you’re supposed to be and He’s patient. Today, I am just now starting to see my dreams come back around. They look a little different, but it’s the same general idea. As a matter of fact, it’s going to be better than ever before. So, I am going to go back to my bed and journal and be grateful that I get to.