In four more days, she will be 18. My darling daughter.
I’ve always thought of her as older, and wise beyond her years. It was 5 years ago that we ventured out on our own. What a brave little girl, to leave everything she knew, for the unknown. I hope she always leaves her comfort zone.
Do we give up a chunk of our lives for our children?
My daughter and I have shared our lives. She has watched her Mama grow up, just as I have watched her. She has big wings, but they are still developing. I believe this year has been the year of finding myself, so I am ready when she flies. I don’t worry about her, so she shouldn’t worry about me. When she sees me stepping off the path she says,
Is this what you gave up a 25 year marriage for?
We take care of one another, and this song makes us cry. My darling daughter, you are my life, but you have also given me yours. May we fly in sequence, but always find our way home.
I still drench the Boston Ferns twice a day. It is hot in Texas, and they hang outside. I would want to be drenched too.
Letting go is a continuous process. Before I brought home my first plant, I drank my own medicine, and posted this.
A lady commented, “If you don’t like what stays, you have a decision to make.” I let it all go, and chose what stayed.
I thought I was clearing my platter to make room for more.
When I was actually clearing a space to make room for me.
There is an Asparagus Fern on the porch, that has been moved a dozen times. It didn’t look happy, or that it was getting everything it needed to thrive. Knowing they can take full sun, and shade, it was a challenge finding the right spot.
“I’m loving the metaphor of your plants as they bloom and grow. Your posts feel like fresh water to my dry roots xx”
Thanks to that comment, I knew where to move the Asparagus Fern.
It receives the overflow from the drenching of where this began. My cup runneth over. Catch the overflow.
I was on my way to an AA meeting yesterday, and stopped by to see Stephanie. She is my plant Guru. I’m not sure she realizes the magnificent healing she has brought to my life through these plants she encouraged me to bring home. It was time to buy my first one that would bloom. I spotted a pot that made me smile, and the plant we chose is big!
She told me it is a good plastic one, but it looked real!
On the way home, I stopped at a small Farmer’s Market.
There is something about people sitting in 100 degree heat, that deserve our attention. A young lady was sitting at a table filled with bottles of honey. We began talking, and she invited me to her church. I listened as she told me more.
What made my ears perk was a study they have on Wednesday nights. It’s by Beth Moore, entitled, “Believing God.” I did this study years ago, and it was enlightening.
Believing God is what I’ve been doing, but it would be nice to do the study again. She is going to text me a reminder, but I was standing there because of the label on her honey.
Aren’t we supposed to Bee Love? I believe so.
As I was walking away she said, “I am looking for a mentor! A Godly woman I can model my life after.” I didn’t respond, but Wednesday night I will be at that study. I hear you God.
As I was leaving Stephanie’s, she said the main thing people ask her is how to grow a Boston Fern. The thought intimidated me too, but they are huge now! I told her about mine, and she said, “If you can grow a Boston Fern, you are the bomb!” All I did was care. I hugged Stephanie and said, “You make my life more beautiful.” She exclaimed, “That made my day!” She helped give me my beautiful life back.
God knows when we are ready to bloom. Can you feel it?.
Life is beautiful, and we are taking time to cultivate it.
I saw the gradual movement of change. My daughter painted her room, and I fell in love with the feel. Walking into my own room, it didn’t give me that feel. Looking at paint colors, then testing samples, and voila! My room has that feel with completely different colors. How is that possible? We know what feels good, and both rooms do, but on different levels.
I chose the true red over faded red, to remind myself to be true. The happiness sign hung over my bed, but I moved it to the opposite wall. When I wake up, I lay there for a moment, and ponder it’s meaning for the day. Each day holds different levels of happiness. To get good with that and just be.
I don’t have to jump out of bed anymore, and embrace the day. It’s best for me to travel through the day, and acknowledge uncertainty. People are walking in and out of my life, and I am letting them. Melody Beattie was referring to being in the middle of God’s will. We love God’s will, “but not usually while it’s working itself out.” This is true.
The place we pray to be in is uncomfortable to sit in.
Shades of PINK commented on one of my Facebook posts today with, “Perfect place to ‘BE.'” It was picture perfect. To just ‘be’ is not always how we picture it, or perfect.
My daughter sent me that Meme. My feelings change from day to day, but God doesn’t change, and I know that to be true.
To discover what I want, I journey through the don’t wants.
Earlier this week, I walked into the kitchen wanting coffee.
I had set the machine up the night before, but instead, there was black liquid oozing all over the kitchen counter. The pot wasn’t fully engaged to allow the hot liquid to flow. The basket inside was filled with water, and grinds were everywhere. It was not pretty, so after cleaning up the mess, the coffee maker went into a cabinet. The don’t wants.
Really good coffee beans deserve to be fresh pressed.
When our hearts are happy, we know what we want.
Now my morning coffee is relatively ceremonial.
We recognize our wants, when we realize our don’t wants.
It was early morning as I was sat in the front porch swing, pondering my sobriety. November 10th will mark 19 years sober. It’s scary getting close to the 20 year mark because you want to keep it. God spoke to my heart and said, “What are you doing to protect it?” I had lost track of that piece of me. It was time to go back and visit Alcoholics Anonymous.
Walking into a meeting the topic was ‘Unity.’ That felt good.
Sitting, listening to people share, and gathering up wisdom from the room. I was taking notes for later, and my pen started writing without a thought. Looking at the page it read, “I don’t need an intimate relationship, but I do need/want love.” The date was Sunday, July 2nd, which was right before I Bled Out, and then came, You are Good.
I’ve been reading Melody Beattie. My heart is tender now, and I want to keep it. To keep a tender heart you have to douse yourself with the tender-hearted. Like the ferns on the porch that get drenched everyday, I’m going to trust the process.
My daughter and I are learning about life through plants.
I’ve only killed one, but I learned a lot, and I’m not giving up.
My Blog introducing the Boston Ferns, caused me to pay attention to their needs. What started out as something important for my daughter, became important to me as well. A lady commented on the Blog, and this part stuck with me. She said, “Drench them.” At the end of the day, I pour a gallon of water over them. They drain, and I watch as the stream of water falls to the porch, like a waterfall. Our kitten drinks the water from the porch, and plays in the puddle.
A healthy environment brings new growth. Sometimes it’s obvious, like when it sprouts from the top. At other times you have to look for new growth underneath.
My daughter re-potted her Philodendron. Who wouldn’t thrive in that pot? It’s ceramic, and has deep scars filled with grey, to match the theme of her room. I just enjoy the scars.
This plant was so root-bound, they started growing upward. The lady who sells us our plants said, “It’s part of it’s character, so you can leave them uncovered.” They are beautiful, and well-earned, so not dirt it is. The pot is huge, so the plant has plenty of room to grow. Everyday it sprouts a new leaf. It’s so heavy, we had to buy a stand with wheels.
Back to the ferns, a bird built a nest in one. At first it concerned me because she was taking out part of the fern, for the nest. Then I realized she loved the environment so much she wanted to live there. I have to be gentle, but it still gets drenched daily.