Tag: lessons learned

Farewell to Who I Thought I Was

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It’s Saturday morning in the first week of October and my home is so still and quiet, one could hear my stomach grumble.

I’m supposed to be attending a Jack Canfield, Breakthrough to Success weekend workshop. I was invited by someone who doesn’t know me very well, but sees me as motivated. Friday was the first day I attended, but it reminded me of a Richard Simmons workout, as the spokesman was trying to get the audience pumped up and motivated before Jack appeared.

It was a revelation that my nervous system couldn’t handle the energy of the environment created by the motivational speaker, but 20 years ago I thought I wanted to be him. Now I realize you can make an impact quietly.

Friday, I met a friend for coffee and on the drive over I asked myself if there were any problems in my life that needed to be resolved. The only thing that came to mind was that morning catching the dog with his head in the litter box, eating cat poop. He knew that was not acceptable as soon as he was caught, so that problem had passed. I shared this with my friend and we had a hearty laugh.

Finding people to love and to be loved is connecting with the chosen few who align with your kind of weirdness.

I’m making shifts, creating space, and purchased a book of blank pages to write the next chapter. I’m officially letting go of Letitgocoach, but continue to write. Letitgocoach became a name that others knew me by, but there’s no desire to fill those shoes. It was something I had to prove to myself that I could get certified and did, only to place another check mark on the ‘done’ list.

When I talk with people in my life today, they say, “Tell me about Barb’s world”, and I smile. I’ve been writing on that WordPress site, but want to share with you…I’m letting go of who I was thought to be, and to simply be. Thank you for your love and kind words of support through the years.

You are welcome to join me Inbarbsworld.

The Next Chapter

Close the Door

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This weekend my bedroom door fulfilled it’s purpose. I can count on one hand how many times this year I’ve closed my bedroom door. It’s been used, but not as a door.

I hang my winter robe on the top-left corner, so it’s readily available every morning as I walk through the door. The door handle is dripping with handbags that I’ve been wanting to sell or give away for months. Today the door stands clean and ready to be used as an actual door when needed.

Photo by Storiès on Unsplash

What prompted this revelation? Two dogs and a cat.

I first noticed it while responding to a friend’s Marco Polo. I get excited when I talk and my voice reflects it. While trying to record the Marco Polo, our cat would try to sit in my lap, or he would stalk me if I were walking while talking. It became a distraction and I’d lose my train of thought.

Over the weekend someone called and I was excited to hear their voice, but this time here comes two dogs and a cat, circling around my feet with excitement too! It reminded me of how kids know when you’re on the phone and will appear with the most urgent of need at that very moment.

These toddlers have four legs.

I retreated to my bedroom, but they came scurrying in. I grabbed everything hanging on the bedroom door and tossed it on the bed. Scooted their furry butts out of my room, and slowly shut the door. The door slid into place with a click, and a soft thump. I liked the sound it made when it shut. Click, thump and then silence. I’ll keep it cleared off so it can serve it’s purpose, and may we always know my darling when it’s time to close the door.

Writing gives us a place to say what we need to say, but also to hear what we need to hear.

Julia Cameron-A Right to Write

The Perfect Cup

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I’ve drank some sad coffee this week, and it was of my own making. One morning I made a cup of instant just to use the frother, and it was too strong. I misjudged the balance between the oat milk and grinds.

I moved on to the French Press, thinking I wouldn’t get it wrong, but there again it was bloody awful. I didn’t weigh the grinds and just took a wild guess, before placing them in the press. There was not enough grinds for the amount of water heated, so it poured out and resembled muddy water.

I had all the tools at my disposal for good coffee, and had received beans from three different coffee roasters. My daughter walked by the coffee bar and asked, “You got enough coffee?” My response was, “Yes my darling I’m trying to decide which one I like best, and have it narrowed down to two.”

This one resonates at the moment considering all the rude boys I’ve encountered while learning to date again.

Wild Gift Coffee, Austin, TX.

By Wednesday, I needed to savor a really good cup of coffee. This is when we go back to what we know, and I know the dripper will produce the perfect cup. I chose a cup from the coffee bar and measured the grinds and water specifically for that cup. That first sip was soothing and everything running through my mind for the day ahead melted away, as I embraced a moment of bliss.

It took constant practice to make what I classify as the perfect cup. I can’t control every part of my day, but I can control how it begins, and every step can lead to a sad cup or a perfect cup. Make it a priority and choose the perfect cup.

Take Some Time

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The watch went back into it’s original box. The ginormous clock was removed from the bedroom wall and moved to the breezeway. I can still see it from the bedroom, so it will continue to be enjoyed, but it’s out of my room, and there’s no more ticking sound. I want to stop watching time.

This post was in my draft folder, and I realized that folder wasn’t emptied last year like I wrote about here. It went down to two drafts, but I felt a pause in publishing them. They are still in drafts and I’ve been adding to the folder this year, so we are back up to seven drafts!

The first week of January I shared with friends, “I’m taking the month off from life itself.” That’s when I removed the clock from my bedroom, and stopped wearing a wristwatch, but it didn’t last. A week later, the clock returned to my room, just like this draft wound up in the folder. There’s some comfort in seeing time, and knowing there’s a draft, or six, suspended in time.

That’s what January has felt like for me, just suspended it in time. Taking time to organize my life by putting things in their rightful place. Everything should have a place, or it needs to be passed along for someone else to enjoy. Sometimes we acquire items not meant for us, but we can keep them until that person shows up to give it to. That has happened quite a bit in my life. The keeper of goodness to be handed off to someone else along life’s path. That’s a good description of how we should live our lives.

Don’t sweat the draft folder. When the time is right, it will become a published post just like this one did.

Put everything in it’s rightful place, and if it doesn’t have a space, pass it on to who you believe will enjoy it.

Take notice of what comes into our lives. It may not be meant for us, but God will reveal the rightful owner.

When you find yourself anointed the keeper of goodness, that is something that surely must be given away daily.

Whatever it is you wish to pour into this world to make it a prettier place, this is your permission slip to figure out your start. The world is waiting for what you have to offer, so don’t be afraid to take some time.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

PS. Just not too much time.

A Better Choice

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I enjoy writing about choices.

This weekend, I chose to stay home. Normally, I’ll run some errands or visit local shops and markets, but not this weekend. It was nice to stay home and do whatever I chose to do. My truck got washed. 🙂

Some decisions don’t come to an end on our timeline. I made a choice when Big Red arrived that could have very easily turned into tragedy.

In Meet Big Red, you see him resting in the dining room, but I had to make room for him beforehand.

There was a large plastic container sitting in the dining room ready for storage. Yes lovely….It contained our Christmas ornaments! When the paddleboard arrived, I sat the container on the back porch.

At least it was closer to storage.

A few nights ago, we had a huge wind and rain storm. I wasn’t concerned about the rain hitting the container because it was plastic and shut tight.

What I didn’t consider was the wind.

The wind blew the rain up under the lid into the container. The next morning I looked outside to see if any damage was done from the storm and saw the plastic container sitting there half full of water.

Of course, I laid the ornaments out to dry and there was no permanent damage done. The one thing I was worried about were the paper stars I made for my daughter during Breast Cancer.

They were in a cardboard box within the plastic container. The cardboard box was soggy and so were the stars but they held up rather well.

stars

They are not quite the same as before the storm, but nothing ever is. I was just happy to see they needed help so soon after the storm.

Now I know to place the stars in plastic container instead of a cardboard box before storage.

As I was drinking my coffee this morning and the sky became dark. It rains without warning, so I ran outside to gather up the ornaments that were now dry. I brought the container into the house because the stars are not quite ready to be repacked.

I made a mistake leaving them once.

The second time I made a better choice.

 

 

Worth the Fight

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A form of letting go is to ‘let it be.’

To breathe in the early morning was to sit on the front porch with coffee and watch the birds feed from the bird feeder. Now my yard is still and quiet.

The bird feeder sits on the floor by the back door. The squirrels took the joy out of having a feeder. They are relentless in their pursuit of free food.

I was spending time and brain cells trying to out maneuver them, but this time darling, I knew to let go. The battle wasn’t worth the fight.

Elizabeth-Gilbert-Quote-At-some-point-you-gotta-let-go-and-sit

Then I saw a battle that needed a fight.

My daughter had a rough week with anxiety and depression. She was able to work through it, but it hurts my heart watching her have to.

God spoke to me during my battle with the squirrels. It was like He said, “Hey Barb. What would happen if you put as much energy into praying for your daughter as you are battling these squirrels? I’ll take care of the birds.” (Matt. 6:26)

God got my attention.

The yard is still and quiet.

The bird feeder sits by the back door.

Pick your battles. Choose what’s worth the fight.

God Has Better in Store

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I love the way life is our teacher.

We can learn so much by paying attention.

I noticed the birds hadn’t used the bird feeder in a while. The feeder was introduced in the post It Took Years. It’s a beautiful feeder, but it’s been a battle with the squirrels. They could easily pop open the lid and dive all the way in for a feast.

We’ve had a lot of rain recently and it would seem that rain is not a friend of the feeder. Upon further investigation the seed was wet and molded.

I tried to save the feeder by washing it out.

There was no way to open the bottom to clean out the impacted seed, so the feeder was ruined. Note to self…Bring feeder inside during storms.

This is where it’s a choice. I could throw the clogged up feeder away and be done with the whole idea, but I love seeing the birds in the yard!

birdfeeder
My new bird feeder.

A trip to the local hardware store solved the issue.

This feeder cost the same amount of money as my last one, and it will be a fight for the squirrels. The lid locks and is almost as human proof as squirrel. If a squirrel grabs a perch the entire feeder slides down and the feeding holes close.

It can display three types of birdseed and vibrates massive Zen hanging by the Arbor. It surprised me was how much my taste has changed in a short amount of time. This one is so sleek compared to the previous one.

birdfeeder
Remember me? I’m pretty but won’t last.

When we let go of something a space opens up for new. We don’t have to hold on and try to fix it, or make it work. Just let it go. God has better in store.