Tag: lessons learned

How You Leave

When you leave a relationship/marriage, it’s important how you leave. When the day came for me to leave, I was thoughtful. We had spent half our lives together and I didn’t want it to look like a wreckage. He already felt like his world was ripped apart.

We have to show life how we want to be treated, so life knows how to treat us in return. Do the next right thing.

It was my choice to leave. He was in denial, and it took time for him to be okay with how things landed. The amount of time is per person.

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My daughter and I discussed what to take with us. We didn’t need a lot of ‘things’, to make a new life.

We chose a few furniture pieces we loved, and wanted to live with. We still have those foundational pieces, but after we left, you couldn’t tell.

The cabinets held the most difficult choices.

We had collected a lot of beautiful things in our time together, but I wanted to leave some beauty. We collected pottery by Bill Campbell, and had full place settings by him. I left them in the cabinet. We had professional grade cookware, but I only took half.

We had two of a lot of things, so I left the one he liked best, all the way down to the measuring cups.

I couldn’t bring myself to pack up in front of him, so I waited until a few days before the move was scheduled, and packed. He stayed away during the move, but he hired movers to get us moved safely.

The moving truck arrived at our new home before my daughter and I did. They were on a schedule, so they unloaded the truck without us being there.

My daughter still talks about that day, and laughs about what we walked in on. Everything that was on the truck, was sitting in the middle of the house!

It looked like a big ball of furniture and boxes!

The movers looked at us and said, “We didn’t know where you wanted everything.” We didn’t know either, but in time we unraveled that big ball and created a world we wanted to live in, and we do!

Recently, I was at my ex husbands home, and he was at the kitchen sink washing some of those pieces that were left. He thanked me for leaving them, and especially his favorite measuring cup.

Time does heal. They just don’t tell you how long.

Be mindful of how you leave.

Fill Yourself Up

I’ve been a Virtual Assistant for a friend in California for 5 years. I take care of one of his businesses online every weekend. It’s not a hard job, but I do it because I value him as a friend. I’ve known him for 20 years, and this job allows me to stay home with my daughter, and earn income. He was my mentor years ago, and taught me phone skills.

The job I do for him doesn’t require phone skills. It’s all online. This new job is because of my phone skills, which haven’t been used in 10 years. It’s fun dusting them off.

Everything we do, if we do it long enough, gives us a skill.

I mentioned in yesterday’s Blog post finding the unopened motivational CD in my briefcase. It has since been opened, and listened to, and I’m listening to one as I type. If you’re young, we listened to inspirational CD’s before podcasts.

You see, if you are a leader, you have to feed yourself.

My daughter mentioned she doesn’t have a lot of friends who encourage her, but they look to her for encouragement. She is learning about being a leader. I told her about the CD’s, and said, “Encouragement is widely available, but sometimes you need to go find it.”

Read a book, listen to a podcast, or just tell one of your peeps, you need some love! People don’t think the leader needs encouragement, but we do. We don’t expect it, and we’re not the best at receiving compliments, but the encourager can run low on encouragement. If you feel like you’re running on empty, take time to go fill yourself up.

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Plug Into Life

I’m really trying to plug into this little community.

That means leaving the house, and making myself visible.

After moving here, my daughter announced, “Hey Mom. You can always go hang out with the bikers on the weekends!”

Now, it’s one of my favorite things to do. A restaurant called Rolling Thunder Roadhouse is less than a mile from my home, and I go there often to sit and read, or engage in conversation. The owner’s Roger and Donna have pretty much adopted me. Roger is a French Chef, and his wife Donna has done a little bit of everything. We had an instant connection, plus, they make the best cold brew coffee!

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Cold brew and Chocolate Biscotti. On my way!

When my daughter and I moved here in January, I was pondering what should come with me. Do I really want to continue doing everything this year, in this new chapter, that I had been doing last year? Was it a fruitful path?

I had a job offer last week. It would still be working from home, but the company would have their calls forwarded for me to answer the calls. The owner knows I have phone skills, and will pay good money for them. A friend of mine busted out laughing when I told her my initial response.

I don’t know. I think I want to harvest seeds from the Hydrangea flower, and grow them to sell to my neighbors.

The company didn’t really have a response to that. Haha

Don’t sweat it lovelies. I’m going to go speak with them in person today. For me it really is about face to face. When I typed the first sentence of this post, is sounded like I was referring to the WordPress community, but I continued on.

I love this community, but over time I find myself letting go of virtual community. My phone still has no social media apps on it, and I’ve closed all my accounts except Facebook. I came across a Blog this morning that explains the technology addiction perfectly. You can read it here.

Do I want to continue Blogging? That has been the big question this year. I’ve posted more this week, than I posted the entire month of April. January through April, I posted one a week, and that used to be daily, so there’s progress.

Maybe I will go see Roger and Donna this morning, and take a book I’ve been reading with me. It’s a gorgeous day outside, and I just want to be out there, instead of in here.

It’s time to unplug from the computer, and plug into life.

Technology is an option, not a lifeline.