Tag: #Letitgo

That Chemo Brain

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Having thoughts, and getting them from my mind, to the page, is similar to herding cats. Being a writer, that’s frustrating.

I’m learning to relax. It is safer for those I love.

What used to flow from my heart through my hands, is now literally pecking one sentence, or thought, at a time. They call it Chemo Brain, and I fought it for a long time. I should be able to do, say, and think like I normally would before Chemo, right? Tomorrow will be my 10th treatment, so no.

I’ve attempted some crazy stuff during Chemo, like mowing my yard that sits in Texas. Tasks I took for granted became insurmountable. Being the poster child of Overthinkers, I didn’t want Chemo Brain.

If someone asks you what you want for dinner, and you can’t figure that out, you probably shouldn’t be operating machinery with sharp blades.

Be encouraged my warrior, because Chemo has it’s perks. Early on in this journey, I documented, “Things I Love (Thanks to Chemo).” You may be having toxins pumped into your body, but the outer shell is looking good. My eyes are bright, and clear, and that shower is down to 5 minutes. No more shaving because your body is hairless from head to toe.

You have this healthy glow, but I’m guessing it’s because my insides are glowing.

One of the most difficult things for me to embrace, was the mindlessness. I’m quiet a lot. Mainly because the thoughts go by before I can converse. If they give me too much steroid with my treatment, you don’t wanna hear my thoughts. Steroids help fight the disease, but I have heard they turn me into an ass. You learn really quick who loves you the day after Chemo.

The best part is, this is only temporary.

Everything my body is going through will pass. It’s all part of the fight. I saw a quote, “The best cure for the body is a quiet mind.”-Napoleon Bonaparte. Well, my mind is pretty quiet, so heal away body. God will bring me through this better than before. For now, I can be quiet.

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Live and Learn

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I’m learning so much, just by living this life God has given me. Seeing what each day brings, and instead of ignoring it, walking through it. It’s not easy, but well worth it.

I found myself frustrated earlier in the week. Things were not going my way, and you would think, I’d be over that by now, and just go with the flow. When that occurs, I have a chat with God, and usually wind up in tears.

He is just trying to get me to trust Him more and more. I leave the house in a few hours, to get the rest of my hair shaved off.

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Not sure why it has taken me so long to ‘let go’ of my hair. It wasn’t even good hair like in this Meme. It was just hair. Let me encourage you, if you are going through this Breast Cancer Journey, or any journey that messes with your outer shell, let it go.

My hairdresser/friend wanted to do that in the very beginning, but no, I thought I wasn’t ready.

Listen to the people God places in your path. God knows you can handle it, or you wouldn’t be there.

So now, I have a million little one inch hairs everywhere! All over my pillowcases, and sheets, and just about everywhere really. I handed my daughter a cup of coffee yesterday, and even that had a one inch hair laying in it.

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This Meme is from one of my favorite pages, Wild Woman Sisterhood. This is how I feel at this moment. God has sent women from all over to embrace me on this path. I am blessed.

Women I have never met before, and some don’t even know my name, besides Coach. I am Letitgocoach, but I am also a child of the one true King, that has Cancer for a little while.

I will be mentioning these women throughout these posts, but let’s start with the most recent. Talking to her this morning via messenger, I was sharing I would be shiny bald this afternoon. She wants to send me a scarf, the same blue as my eyes. We exchanged addresses, but Amazon wouldn’t ship to my PO Box. She is going to have it shipped to her first, and then send it on to me. God is going to give her a chance to hold it, and bless it.

I met her through Facebook, just like the majority of the other brave souls lighting the way. When I started that page two years ago, it was my mission to encourage others, and lift them up on their journey. It still is my mission, but through this journey, they are lifting me. Is it how I envisioned? No, but I wouldn’t change a thing. It is all part of a greater plan.

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Your Way Home

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I have been pondering lately the feeling of home.

Maybe you travel a lot, or work long days, and you pull into the driveway. Walking up to the door, and seeing it standing there waiting. Hearing the key slide into the lock, and then the click. The door swings open, but there’s that initial step into the home.

That is such a good feeling. There’s no place like home, the saying goes. To capture that moment and carry it with you throughout the day would be lovely, right?

To feel peace and exhilaration all at once.

There is a book by Melody Beattie entitled, “Finding Your Way Home.” It contains stories of people’s ideas of what home is, and how they yearn to return there. Taking a detour off the path of life can feel like a maze of sorts. I can lose my way so easily, if I don’t depend on God to guide me. Even then, I take detours, but He waits while I wander.

Here is a meditation Melodie suggests in her book.

brown pathway surrounded by trees
Photo by Satria Wira Bagaskara on Pexels.com

Get in a comfortable position, and let you eyes close.

Picture yourself standing at the entrance to a bridge, a walkway across a chasm. You can make the bridge as high, as low, as wide, or as narrow as you want. But to get to the other side, you need to step onto the bridge and walk across. The side you’re standing on is a little dark. It’s familiar, but it’s not where you want to be anymore. Even if you have some fear, envision yourself feeling excited and curious to get to the other side. You may not be able to see what’s on the other side clearly yet, but it looks greener, lighter, happier over there. Feel your desire and determination to cross the bridge.

Picture yourself walking, safely taking each step, or running (if you want to run) across the bridge. Stay with yourself each step of the way. Hold the railing if you like, or run freely down the middle of the bridge. But take each step until you get to the other side. When you get to the other side, keep walking until you are completely off the bridge, and your feet are planted on solid ground. Give yourself a moment to look back at where you’ve come from. Smile and wave at anyone, or anything you’ve left behind. Bless them. Release them. Don’t worry about who you’ve left behind; when they’re ready to cross, their bridge will appear. Turn around, smile, and take a moment to enjoy the beauty you see and feel on this new side.

Know you’re safe. You have successfully crossed the bridge. Your feet are planted on solid ground. Feel yourself surrounded by people who love you. You may not be able to see their faces or recognize who they are yet, but you can feel their love. Feel yourself surrounded by trees, mountains, sunshine and birds. You may not know exactly what you’re going to find on this new side, but you feel secure. Know and trust that it will be good.

You’re on your way home.

Pause and Unrush

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Today was the first day in my journey with SC Lourie, and let the floodgate open. I’m not even halfway through the material for this week because I got hit between the eyes with a word.

That word is, “Unrush.” I could finally totally relate to this word.

It was such a beautiful day, I grabbed a journal, pen, a chilled glass of ginger ale, and stepped outside. I sat everything down and it was the picture of unrush. Sliding my phone out of my back pocket to take a photo, it happened so quickly, the glass didn’t have time to defrost.

My first thought was, three years ago, at the beginning of this journey, I wouldn’t have done this. Being completely honest with myself, I’m not sure I could have done this a year ago.

To give myself permission to stop, and enjoy the moment. I was married for 25 years, and don’t recall this simple act of unrush.

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Always moving and rushing to get things done. Maybe you can relate. Life happens quickly, and I believe we have to make ourselves pause in it. To just pause and enjoy the exact moment we’re in.

May you take the time to pause, and unrush.

A Lesson In Letting Go

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Have helium balloons left after a party?

five assorted balloons
Photo by Padli Pradana on Pexels.com

Sit Lotus style on the floor and take a few deep, cleansing breaths. Let your mind and body relax. You want to listen to what’s going on inside.

Do you have something causing you stress, worry, discontentment? Give it a name, grab a balloon, and a Sharpie. It may be a person or just a feeling you need to let go of. Whatever it is for you, write it on the balloon. Label as many as needed, gather them up and step outside.

Stand in a peaceful stance, somewhere quiet and unobstructed by trees if possible. Imagine the word on one of your balloons.

Lifting it above your head, allow the image to fill you as you take a deep breath in, and as you exhale, let go of the balloon. Repeat with every balloon until there are no more. You should feel lighter, and more at ease within.

This enables you to Let Go of what’s bringing you down.

In Human Form

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As I sit here, eating the last of the candy corn, I’m noticing the change in season. Candy corn will not be available in stores until next October. I don’t hunt it down and hoard it, but enjoy it while it’s in season.

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Now is the last bloom of the season for my trusty Bougainvillea. This plant has been a teacher. Being tempted many times to give up on it and circumstances, it showed me with the proper watering and food, it will be spectacular. Throw in time and patience and beauty abounds. When it has everything it needs and the timing is just right, every branch blooms.

Soon, I will cut it back and tuck it away in the barn for a season of rest. I learned from last year, to cut it back more. Last summer was it’s first full blooming season, and I was leery of cutting it too much last fall. It’s getting cut way back this year, so I can get it out of the hanging basket. Maybe next year I’ll plant it firmly in the ground so that it can take root.

My initial reaction to the thought of planting it in the ground was to make sure I was going to be in this same house. To be able to enjoy it, I would need to be here, but it’s not always about me. This time, it’s what is best for this faithful plant. God moves swiftly in my life, so He will let me know where I am to be. The lease is up April 3rd, right before planting time.

When we are ready, the teacher will appear and it is not always in human form.

Give It Time

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We have talked about time, patience and waiting patiently, but I am learning, time does reveal all. The big challenge for me is, don’t jump in and start doing. Just be present.

Something interesting happened because of the ‘Box of Love’, this week. This guy taking up space in my daughters heart and mind, sent a couple of his favorite t-shirts in the box. She wore one yesterday, and that evening, she came over to sit beside me in the swing.

She said, “You know what sucks about wearing this shirt? It smells like him and makes me miss him.”

My heart hurt for her because I know that pain. I don’t enjoy missing people. It’s normal, but when it causes more pain than goodness in my life, it’s time to re-access.

Today, I am seeing that every person has a reason and a season in my life. I’m not afraid of being hurt because I know it will make me better. Letting Go is a must to keep growing.

Pain can be healthy if we allow it to do it’s job and then let it go. Don’t take is so personally.

Are you familiar with The Four Agreements? I have been pondering them this week, and they have reaffirmed a few of my beliefs. They are #1. Be impeccable with your word. #2. Don’t take anything personally. #3. Don’t make assumptions. #4. Always do your best.

Melody Beattie says, “We will be guided into understanding, and what we need to do to take care of ourselves. We will begin to trust our instincts, our feelings, our thoughts. We will know when to go, to stop, to wait. We will learn a great truth; the plan will happen in spite of us, not because of us.” Thank you God in advance for Your plan and not mine.

Stay present and give it time.