Tag: #Lettinggoofhurt

It Took Years

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I started pondering my front yard after Christmas. Taking the Christmas wreath off the front door, I wondered about having a year round wreath.

Everything is so pretty on Etsy.

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Brickhouse Design Co. made this.

My daughter and I have a french theme sprinkled through the house. The front door is the entryway to our home, and that french theme, so it makes sense.

That door is where this all began.

Today, I’ve been playing in the yard.

This journey with this front yard began with, A Simpler Life. An update to that post is, I found the perfect bird-feeder. It didn’t take much time.

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Vintage Scrolled Birdfeeder.

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About two years ago, I grew Boston Ferns on our front porch per my daughter’s request. That was the first time I had messed with plants in years, beside growing some Canna lilies while living on 40 acres.

You see, my ex husband and I owned a landscape company during the most trying part of our marriage. We designed, planted and built outdoor living spaces in people’s backyards. We installed some magnificent yards, but he practiced on ours.

Toward the end of our marriage we no longer spoke to one another. The yard was his safe haven and he created such beautiful yards, but the well manicured yard left a sore spot in my heart.

When we moved into this house, I completely ignored the yard and let it go. It was an interesting experiment to see what would happen. I’m pretty sure UPS was scared to walk through the yard to the front porch to leave a package. It was a jungle.

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But remember darling…2019 is the year to bloom!

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Vintage Flower Cart

A friend had this lovely flower cart for sale.

It adds to the french theme don’t you think?

Time has passed and my yard heart has healed. I look forward to planning and planting again. A yard that will bring joy to people as they stroll by.

It will look quite different from last year and they will see this transformation after only one year.

You know the whole story my darlings.

For me to love a yard again. It took years.

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Light the Fuses

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I woke up this morning pondering how different my life is today, compared to a few years ago.

I believe we all have a beautiful life, filled with God’s goodness. Now, whether or not we can see it, is the question. I couldn’t see mine. The marriage I was in for 25 years, had taken a sharp turn after 15 years. I was sober. By taking the drink away, I was the real me.

Staying for 10 more years was a struggle between where I was, and where I knew I could be.

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Change your thinking and change your life.

I’ve listened to a lot of motivational CD’s over my lifetime. One day, some things I had heard over the years came to the forefront of my mind. Tony Robbins was one of them.

Tony said, “Get disturbed. You’re not going to stand it any longer. What disturbs you in your life? What are you going to do about it today?”

I wasn’t disturbed anymore, even though my life was very disturbing! We become complacent, like it’s okay to live with the hand we are dealt. Well, I’m here to tell you, it’s not okay. I pondered if this was the very best God had planned for me. Where was God?

He was there, watching and waiting.

This was not the life He had planned. This was the life I had created. Then Joyce Meyer’s words came to mind, right after Tony’s. I had heard on one of her CD’s, “Make a decision, so God can get in line and help you.” That was all I needed to hear. I needed to let my disturbing life actually disturb me, and make a decision.

Get disturbed, and make a decision.

I had stopped getting angry. My husband was so angry about everything, you could feel it a mile away. So, I stayed calm because anger fuels more anger. He was miserable too, but didn’t know how to fix it.

I did us both a favor the day I left even though he didn’t see it at first. Sometimes things fall apart completely, so they can fall back together.

I believe we both have a beautiful life today, even though we’re apart. When Tony asked, “What disturbs you in your life?”, it was my whole life. I had to blow it up, and start all over again. It felt like I had lost everything that made life worth living, but I was still standing there, so, what was it time to do?

Get disturbed, make a decision, and light the fuses.

Learning To Live

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We are getting much needed rain here in Texas. I have three chickens in the side yard that have not witnessed rain in a long time.

When it began pouring from the sky, they freaked out and started running around. They have a coop to provide shelter, with the door standing wide open, but are huddled up against the house instead. They are called chickens for a reason.

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Maybe we forgive, and forget how things feel.

Forgiveness has to come first, or the forgetting will not take place. It will haunt us and make us miserable until we forgive. God wants us to forgive others for wrongdoing, but we often forget to forgive ourselves.

The house my ex-husband lives in is the same house we shared. When I left, I only took a few things, so you couldn’t tell at first glance, that anything was missing. The furnishings remained the same as I left them, with a few replacement pieces. I don’t know how he has lived there. I guess he hasn’t. It has just been sheltering from the storms of life.

I saw that house as a slow brewing storm.

My ex-husband blames himself for the dissolve of our marriage. It’s not true, but that is how he sees it. Recently, I sent him an email asking him to forgive me for hurting him. I don’t know that he can because he is going to have to find forgiveness for his soul first. He needed to leave that house.

His favorite Bible verse is Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” His life is not reflective of his favorite verse. When you are stuck in the past, there is no future.

I started praying for God to move and show my ex His goodness. It was passed time for him to leave that house, and all the haunting memories it stored. Last weekend, my ex took our daughter to look at a house he saw in the newspaper. She showed me pictures of it, and it’s the perfect house for him! He is moving in November!

When my ex and I first met, he lived in a condo on a lake in Virginia. This house is reminiscent of that condo, and is overlooking a lake! God is restoring the years lost, by placing him in the last place he was his happiest. Now he can have a beautiful shelter, surrounded by God’s goodness and start the forgiving process. Let the healing begin.

It’s All New

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I have been through some storms in my life.

Learning to weather any storm, instead of trying to stop it was painful. My nature was to stop things from happening and keep the seas calm.

Walking on eggshells will make your feet sore.

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Being treated wrongly over the years comes in the form of a storm. Doing the next right thing is all I know to do. Forgiving comes easy for me, but forgetting takes time. The pain is similar to bricks, when placed together make a pretty sturdy wall. Not to lean against, but to be surrounded by.

This quote about the butterfly describes it well. They wrap themselves in a cocoon, like I would huddle close to God. God can get me through any storm, but it’s knowing when to fight, or seek shelter. Seeking God’s shelter versus fighting the fight myself yields richer results.

Letting go of hurt, and pain is not easy but it’s a must.

Otherwise, we are afraid to love and enjoy life again. It’s not fair for me to expect a new person to treat me like an old one. God will send people to help you through the storm and protect the cocoon. When the storm is over and we allow ourselves to step out, the beauty begins. We are better than before and life is beautiful again. Then we can love.

Bruised, not Broken

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Almost a year ago I received my Letting Go Coaching Certification. This process can help anyone who desires quality of life.

We start by adopting the perspective of our nervous system. You see, the body knows how to be healthy. If you spent time each day resting, remaining calm and you led a peaceful life, your body would remain balanced and healthy. This is because the space of rest allows the body to express its most authentic inner energy, the power of homeostasis (inner balance).

Your nervous system makes decision on your behalf. If you put your hand on a hot stove, the information travels up your arm to the spinal cord. The spinal cord nerves process the information and sends a command to your arm to pull the hand back. All of this occurs without the brain. It is the nature of the spinal cord to make an immediate decision on your behalf, much faster than it registers in the brain.

Have you ever touched something hot, recoiled and wondered why you did that? Your brain is processing what your nervous system already knew.

Have you ever noticed a bruise on your body and wondered where it came from? The moment it happened, it was painful and the brain took assessment of the pain. Life is a lot like that. We take on the painful experience, assess and move on to the next thing. What happens to that painful experience? It leaves a bruise.

My goal as a Letting Go Coach is to fine tune your awareness of what the body is telling you in the moment.  Our bodies are designed to heal themselves given the proper care and attentiveness. Letting Go of past experiences allows the bruise to heal quickly and you will begin to realize, it was only a bruise. You are not broken.