Tag Archives: life after divorce

Feel the Music

I was driving to meet my friend for our monthly coffee/tea, and heard this song. It was released in 2004, so around 2006 I heard it playing all the time. My mind began flipping through images and they weren’t all pretty, but I could see how far our life has come.

In 2008, I created an email address called abetterlife08. It was a Yahoo account and I named it that to keep those words in front of me while I worked. I can barely remember what happened two days ago, but I still remember sitting in the corner of that home office opening a Yahoo account and naming it abetterlife08. I was 10 years sober and life was better, but I didn’t recognize the man I was married to. When I think about that part of my life long enough, I can feel the tension that home office held.

In 2013 I exited that life.

Standing here in this little lake house 8 years later, I’m overwhelmed by God’s goodness and grace. Did it take 8 years Barb? No, I began seeing a better life the very first year, but it all began with believing there was one. Using that email address kept abetterlife at the forefront of my mind until the time was right to step into a better life.

These Two Chairs

We have thought about buying a couch for as long as we’ve lived here.

I spent time cleaning over the weekend, and then did some rearranging of the den. As I was moving furniture around, I remembered the couch sitting here the first time we saw this house. It sat right underneath the window sill, and ran the length of the wall. Three years later, we still haven’t bought a couch. 😂

Sitting at the coffee table this morning, I looked across the table at her chair. It was empty. She is out, living her life, which I want her to do. She called and was excited about new tires for her Jeep. Her father took her tire shopping, and I sat and listened as she described every detail. That’s my girl excited about tires!

The main reason we haven’t bought a couch is these two chairs. They were designed and made around 15 years ago, for a formal living room which you can read about here. They are extra wide and the cushions are stuffed with down, so you can curl up and never leave. If we get a couch, they will have to go into storage, because neither of us can part with them.

These two chairs have held us up during every ‘love of my life’ breakup. They are wide enough to hold a box of tissues and a blanket. The fabric is formal, so I looked into having them recovered, and because they are so well made, the estimate started at $800 per chair. New fabric is not in their future.

Nowadays, her chair is empty more often than not, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Through the years, the one place we always go to be seen and supported is these two chairs.

There’s Always More

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I was reading a lady’s Blog this morning, and the pictures were of her house at Christmas. She had gone all Martha with the decor, and it was absolutely beautiful. It reminded me of my Martha Stewart days, and my formal dining room looked much the same way. I recalled the year I had to learn how to tie cloth napkins to resemble a swan, and rest them on each plate.

The photo you see above, was our living room, after moving to Texas 15 years ago. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long that we had this room designed specifically for this house. Each piece was painstakingly made, and bought for this room. The only pieces I have today from this room, are the two purple chairs. The rest stayed when I left, and I really don’t miss it.

It’s beautiful to look at, but do you know, we rarely sat in that room. This is the type room, that my mother would have covered the furniture with laminate. I walked through the room many a time, because it was a shortcut to my office. I walked through it so much that the hand woven wool rug started to wrinkle. That rug cost more than the truck I drive now.

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This photo is where my daughter and I moved to when we left. The little house on 40 acres.

God had taken me from a 4,000 square foot house, to this 700 square foot one, but not all at once. We downsized over time, and I can safely say, we live in every square foot. The round table is from the first photo, along with the purple chairs. I also still have the fringed, silk pillows, but they’ve been replaced by these burlap ones.

I was thinking lastnight that my daughter was too young to remember all the grandeur. We have simplified our lives so much, I wondered if she realizes there IS more. I believe she does, and I know she remembers the house from the first photo, but does she know she can have more?

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This photo is our current dwelling, a remodeled 1940’s farm house, nestled on 5 acres. We grew to 1,000 square feet, and love every nook and cranny. Look at the shine of the wood floor! As you can see, we still have the purple chairs, and round table, and we spend a lot of time in those chairs. Well made furniture lasts for years.

Those purple chairs have held many a conversation. They have been slept in, and cried on.

I had my daughter late in life. She was a gift from God once I got sober. She hasn’t seen the driven woman building a successful business. She hasn’t seen me wanting for more. She has seen a happy Mother who loves to write. I had all the success I could handle before she was 5 years old, but exchanged it for a simple life, and to spend time with her.

Will she keep a simple life as she grows older, or will she have a lot more? I asked her and she said, “I may have a bigger house, depending on how many kids I have, but it will be minimalistic, furnished with only the things I love.” I said, “Like we did here?”, and she agreed. My choices for us have paid off, but I suppose if we want it, there’s always more.