Tag: #marriage

Just Be Patient

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I just pressed my third cup of coffee out of the Keurig, so you would think I would be feeling energized. It used to help wake me up, and give me a jolt in the mornings. Not so much anymore, so maybe it’s time for a change. I have stopped ‘doing’, and begun ‘letting’.

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I read an article this morning on having no expectations.

This one started out like most, but then it got my attention. Instead of expecting certain things out of life, the one you love, or yourself for that matter…Take the limits off God. I lay all my petitions before Him, so He knows my heart and desired outcome, but then I leave it there. I never know what to expect.

This opens up endless opportunity. As far as relationships go, here are a few things I’ve learned.

1. He Loves Me, But Should Love Himself First.

Does your partner take good care of themselves? The care they take of themselves, will be a reflection of how well they care for you. There should be a healthy balance of self care, and loving you.

2. His Love For Me.

This is where I had to lay all expectations aside. You have heard the saying, “Stop breaking your own heart?” That is what occurs when I expect to be loved at a certain level. Everyone loves differently, and we cannot compare past loves to the present. Those were stepping stones to prepare us for this. It’s not about lowering our expectations. It’s about being open to different.

3. He Encourages My Ideas and Creativity.

If anyone ever tells you, “That’s a stupid idea,” or better yet, “You are stupid.” you will need to hit them with a pipe. Creative ideas sound rather far fetched at first, but it’s that initial seed we plant. Saying it out loud to someone we trust, and value the opinion of, gets the ball rolling. You are not stupid….You are creative and open-minded. Stay that way.

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4. Let Them Love You.

This is where the expectations of your mind can get in the way. Allowing someone to love you the best way they know how, should be enough. Isaiah 55:8 says, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, and My ways are not your ways.” That’s encouraging to me.

5. Let It Be Easy.

I love seeing posts from my friends, announcing 30 or so years of being married, and exclaiming, “Fight for your marriage.” There should be no fighting. If you each are doing the next right thing, making good choices for the greater good, it should flow. Yes, life will come at you with a vengeance and try to destroy what’s good, but there’s a choice.

When one is weak, the other is strong.

That’s just how it works. You hold one another up during the rough times. They always pass, and should make you better because of it. Be with someone that brings out the very best in you, and nudges you to become better.

Get good at waiting on God. He heard you, just be patient.

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What She Sees

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My parents were not the ideal married couple, but they were good parents.  I don’t recall seeing them kiss passionately or hold one another in a timeless hug. It was a duty for them and after we were all grown, they divorced.

At 50 years old, my mother was free to be herself. She did just that and never remarried. I want more for my girl.

I read an article this morning about a 50 year marriage. The author wrote about her parents and the lessons she learned watching their love. Reading the article made me realize, that is all they did. They expressed their love to one another for a lifetime. When the man was asked to go out after work, he replied, “Why should I do that when I have everything I need at home?” How simply honest is that? You can click here, to read the article in it’s entirety.

I chose to break the cycle of my parents marriage. My ex husband and myself had grown up watching similar marriages by our parents, and the day he told me, “We are going to be our parents,” was the day I said, “Nope.” Hearing those words started a change in me that changed my life.

My daughter was 12 when I started praying for God to open a door. I refused for her to go through her teenage years seeing a broken marriage. My ex and I never showed any type of affection toward one another. We avoided being in the same room and the same bed. It was not a marriage.

God’s timing is always good. It took time and patience, but a door was opened for me to leave and take her with me. She just turned 16 this month and is becoming grounded in herself. She knows one day she will be able to share the love she has inside with the right person.

She won’t settle for just any kind of love.

Don’t Be Sad

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My daughter saw me standing in the backyard, staring off into space. I felt her small presence beside me as she lifted up her hand and slid it into mine. She said, “Mommy? Are you ever going to smile again?” Seems like a lifetime ago.

blog It doesn’t seem real when I think of it now, but I remember her voice like it was yesterday. My daughter, at a young age, knew the depths of my sadness. She brought it to my attention like, the secret is now out. I didn’t smile anymore and hadn’t even noticed. She knew so now my time was up.

I got sober and found out I was pregnant. My daughter is what we call a sobriety baby. My marriage was over from what the alcohol had done, but God gave me a gift for giving Him my addiction. Being pregnant that first year was so good for me. I clung to the women and the men left me alone.

I stayed in that marriage for almost 25 years, hoping it would work. When you’re drunk the day you get married and get sober 12 years into it, chances are you’re gonna change. Just like my drinking, I had to hit bottom on the happiness meter too. When other people notice how sad you are, it’s bad. Don’t wait. It’s time to do something.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 15 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Let It Go Coach and helping others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is working on her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com