When you leave a relationship/marriage, it’s important how you leave. When the day came for me to leave, I was thoughtful. We had spent half our lives together and I didn’t want it to look like a wreckage. He already felt like his world was ripped apart.
We have to show life how we want to be treated, so life knows how to treat us in return. Do the next right thing.
It was my choice to leave. He was in denial, and it took time for him to be okay with how things landed. The amount of time is per person.
My daughter and I discussed what to take with us. We didn’t need a lot of ‘things’, to make a new life.
We chose a few furniture pieces we loved, and wanted to live with. We still have those foundational pieces, but after we left, you couldn’t tell.
The cabinets held the most difficult choices.
We had collected a lot of beautiful things in our time together, but I wanted to leave some beauty. We collected pottery by Bill Campbell, and had full place settings by him. I left them in the cabinet. We had professional grade cookware, but I only took half.
We had two of a lot of things, so I left the one he liked best, all the way down to the measuring cups.
I couldn’t bring myself to pack up in front of him, so I waited until a few days before the move was scheduled, and packed. He stayed away during the move, but he hired movers to get us moved safely.
The moving truck arrived at our new home before my daughter and I did. They were on a schedule, so they unloaded the truck without us being there.
My daughter still talks about that day, and laughs about what we walked in on. Everything that was on the truck, was sitting in the middle of the house!
It looked like a big ball of furniture and boxes!
The movers looked at us and said, “We didn’t know where you wanted everything.” We didn’t know either, but in time we unraveled that big ball and created a world we wanted to live in, and we do!
Recently, I was at my ex husbands home, and he was at the kitchen sink washing some of those pieces that were left. He thanked me for leaving them, and especially his favorite measuring cup.
Time does heal. They just don’t tell you how long.
Be mindful of how you leave.