Only Our Hearts

It’s an honor to be writing for the Sisters of Serenity and Sobriety each Friday. What a fabulous end to my work week!

Losing my home and having it go through foreclosure years ago was heart wrenching. Ever since then I have rented a home to live in. Sometimes for a only a year, or two, but we enjoy moving, and living wherever God leads.

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The home my daughter and I live in today is an old farmhouse, on 5 acres, that has been restored to its natural beauty. We have been here four months and the rent is due the first week of the month. I received a text last night from my landlord, asking for it pronto. I made myself sit still.

If this would have happened before sobriety, it would have prompted me to drink. The majority of my income goes into PayPal, so it takes a few days for it to move into my checking. There was not enough money in my checking to cover rent this quickly.

I was so grateful for that moment. To be able to be caught off guard and not react in a drunken spew. Stopping and asking God for guidance and to be my words is all it took. We talked it through via text and it will all work out. The first thing I said to my daughter when it happened was, “This is a test. I have to pass this test!”

It’s little things like this that make us stronger. I handed my landlord the check this morning and told him I have moved the money from PayPal, but when it shows up is in God’s hands. Moving forward, I will pay them on the first of every month.

I encourage you today to be still and know, He is God. He doesn’t need our help, only our hearts.

Better Is Coming

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Almost two years ago, I looked at my life and asked myself, “Is this God’s best?” It was pretty clear it wasn’t the best because it was a life of barely getting by. God doesn’t barely get by. He is abundant in every area of our lives.

I didn’t ask anyone’s opinion of what I should do. Praying and letting God know what steps I saw to take, was all I needed. He could have stopped me at anytime. Did my friends think I was crazy for leaving a 25 year marriage? Yes, they did. Did people think I was crazy for leaving the security of my town to move out in the middle of nowhere? Yes.

I grabbed my daughter, and left everything I knew as familiar, and stepped into the unknown. God had it all waiting for me. The house, land, pier to praise and worship on, nobody knew my name, and they still don’t. This house and the time here has been a place of healing for me. To Let Go of the past so I could enjoy the moment.

Today, God is giving me another new beginning. After going through the Letting Go process and being secure in who I am, it is time to move on. My daughter and I sat down last December and talked about our goals and dreams for 2015. We spoke about a nicer house, and named off some things that were missing with this one that we wanted. We still wanted land, but to have a laundry room with a washer and dryer would be cool.

This house didn’t have a washer/dryer. We’ve been driving into town and using a laundromat every week, while living here.

When we came across this house we are moving into, the owner took us in through the back door. We stepped into a large mudroom lined with custom cabinetry. There was an old dryer sitting there by itself, so I was a little puzzled.

After walking through the house, we were in love with all the woodwork and character it held. As we were wrapping up our tour, the owner said, “Don’t worry about that old dryer sitting there. I am having a brand new washer and dryer installed in a couple of weeks.” Welcome home.