This Is Only A Test

If you read my Blog yesterday, you know, I’ve been on vacation in Colorado with limited Internet. The home we’re staying in didn’t have it, so we would drive into town to find it. This is my last day here and it was installed today.

First and foremost, kudos goes out to Mr. Smith. He has been so patient with me this week. When you consider, everything I do is conducted virtually, it was not pretty the first few days. He is in the kitchen right now, being who he is, a Chef. I’m in the same room I was yesterday, typing this Blog with the windows open, listening to the musical sound of the river. This time, I’m not typing a word document to copy and paste later in town. I am actually online.

We respect one another for who we are and what we do. While he is in the kitchen, no one enters. Oh, it’s tempting, but one look from him and I know better. He plays music very loudly, and it’s a mixture of everything. I can hear it echoing through the house, down the hallway to the room I’m in. He just popped his head in the door, and asked if I was going to stay in here all night. I won’t, but it is a struggle not to stop and close the door on some of that music.

lakeI have spent almost a week in Colorado and it’s been beautiful. When people tell you to drink plenty of water in high altitude, listen to them. I was in a world of pain from dehydration. Drinking my usual, coffee in the morning, hot tea in the evening, and sips of water during the day wasn’t enough. I spent all day yesterday drinking water and my body thanked me today.

I know my body pretty well, but had not felt anything like this before. Once we pinpointed it was the change in elevation, about 6,000 feet, I knew what to do. With no distraction from technology, I was able to hear from God quite often. God gave me insight into the future of my writing, coaching, work, this school year for my daughter, my relationships and Himself.

The repacking process will begin this evening, to head back to Texas. My daughter turns sweet sixteen this Saturday and I wouldn’t miss it. We haven’t seen one another in over a week and that’s been an adjustment as well. We are best friends and she is a light in my life.

This was definitely a week of tiny tests, and I hope I passed them. There were a lot of little things that occurred, too many to list here, that were lessons. Being here placed me in present moment to present moment as I listened and learned. Gratitude is running high, for the friends and family God has given me and the love I have in my life today.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 15 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a LetItgocoach and help others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is working on her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

Wish Me Goodnight

I fell asleep texting Mr. Smith lastnight. We were talking and I dozed off and felt bad for doing that. Woke up in the middle of the night searching the bed for my phone. He knew what had happened, but he still wished me goodnight.

I have only had three long lasting relationships in my life. Some would say the first one doesn’t count because I was young and stupid. They all count and prepare you for what’s next. Each one gives you a sense of what is good for you.

blogI’ll be the first to admit, I’m not the easiest person to love. Being an independent woman and following God’s path, there is not a lot of needs. Maybe every man wants to feel needed, but I have learned to need God.

What I want and what God wants for me are two different things. The same applies to my relationship with Mr. Smith. He is not love on demand and he will Make Me Wait. What I want and what he thinks I need are two different things, just like between God and me. Mr. Smith is good for me.

I tease him frequently that he doesn’t treat me right and he watches while I have my fits. I have had many a fit before God too and He watches and waits for me to get done. Sometime I feel like the child in public putting on a show trying to get their way. This usually mean a big time out for me.

God and Mr. Smith have my best interests at heart. Mr. Smith can touch me through technology or in person. He knows the little things are important and even though I fell asleep, he still texted me our goodnight message. Waking up and seeing that filled my heart into this day. A full heart is what God wants and that’s good for Mr. Smith and me.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 15 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Let It Go Coach and help others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is working on her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

Past Is Past

Our past refines us, but does not define who we are. We all can make make poor choices The timing of everything is divine and can devastate life as we know it. Be strong and know there is a plan in place and it doesn’t have to be ours.

wastesWhen my alcoholism was at an all time high, there had to be someone watching me because I couldn’t. We lived in a two story home with two steep staircases and I fell down those stairs head first, many a time. The landing was ceramic tile and I may have been bent from it but not broken.

Bad things can happen from the choices we make. I chose to try and navigate the stairs when I knowingly had too much to drink. Even though I woke up sore and bruised and sometimes on the floor instead of the bed, God was watching. This thing called ‘free will’ will can be really painful.

A lot of my friends don’t know I am a recovering alcoholic. To look at me you would never know. I choose to share it in hopes of helping others. It’s been almost 17 years since I had a glass of Chardonnay and I have no desire for it today. God completely removed my craving in an instant.

blog So what about the people who don’t get to hide it. The media feeds off negativity and digs up every ounce of dirt they can get away with. I’m guilty of reading those magazine covers while waiting in line at the store. It’s our choice to believe what we read and we are not supposed to judge.

What we read is one person’s side of the story. Just like these Blogs are my perspective and you can choose whether to believe it or not. There is always more sides to the story if it involves people and not just thought. I rarely name people, except Mr. Smith, but there are a lot of Smith’s.

There is only one Mr. Smith that I know and love, but he has a past. Some of it has been documented for people to see and they enjoy showing me. There are many sides to the stories of his past, but only one that I choose to believe. Years of best intentions gone bad and he has paid a huge price.

The man he is today reflects everything he has gone through. He has the tattoo running down his spine as a reminder of his pain. About a year ago I chose a title for a book I am slowly working on. Getting to know Mr. Smith, he told me about his past. He sent me a picture of the tattoo and it shocked me beyond belief. The words that were written is the title of my book. The man he is today is not his past but people will not let it go. The past made him bent not broken.

 

 

Feed Me Good

We need to be fed. What we choose to feed ourselves determines our health and well being. Whatever goes into the mind will eventually take root in the heart. Guard your heart and mind because out of it flow the issues of life.

keep-calm-and-kiss-the-chef-11 I love good food, but don’t enjoy cooking anymore. That chapter of my life has passed. There are people at the local Farmer’s Market that create delectable dishes for my daughter and I to enjoy each week. They have paid attention to our choices and make them available to us if we get there on time. They feed us.

I love to read and take 30 minutes a day to feed my mind. A motivational book or, God’s word, gives me a full serving which feeds my heart, mind and soul.

Mr. Smith is a Chef. He is mentioned in the Blogs, “I Love You”, and “Make Me Wait.”He feeds me in many ways, but recently has started cooking for me.  I enjoy watching him cook, but do not enter the kitchen or get in his way. He is laser focused on the task at hand and uses big, sharp knives! The food is prepared quickly, turns out beautifully, and it seems within minutes he has an entire meal displayed effortlessly. The kitchen is a wreck, but dinner is served!

I ask him if I can clean the kitchen and he always says, ‘No”. It’s the least I could do for the meal he prepared but he never allows it. A couple of meals will be prepared and the kitchen continues to pile up, which drives me crazy, but leaves him undaunted. I asked him, “When are you going to clean it then?” He politely said, “When you’re not here.”