Be a Stopper

I’m not very good at quitting. As soon as that thought entered my mind, another thought followed. ‘You don’t have to quit, but you can stop.’

I’m good at stopping.

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In speaking with a co-worker he said something that has been rolling around my mind for a week. We don’t know each other very well, so he had no idea my love for memes. I noticed he never posted a meme on his Facebook page. It was always a photograph with a description of the event.

He said, “People being encouraged by a saying on a meme. That is the most ridiculous thing ever!”

His comment knocked me back for a moment, but I quickly realized I’ve had that thought before.

At the time, I was scheduling an encouraging meme to post automatically the next morning. A lady thanked me for starting her day with something positive, but then I wondered…’Why are you looking through your phone for encouragement?’

I’ve done it too. Whenever I needed encouragement I’d scroll through my own Facebook page. Hah!

In 2017, I taught myself how to make memes. If you google Letitgocoach, and click images, you will see some, but once I learned, I was ready to learn something else. Making memes is a nice tool to have, but they’ve lost their sparkle in my life.

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Smith and I stopped seeing one another. We had a beautiful journey, but we stopped several times. The time between stops got longer until we knew our journey had come to a close. It was a sweet ending and then I saw a meme he posted on Facebook. He announced his single status in a joking way.

He used a meme and it was humorous, but I thought it ironic that the end of our relationship was summed up in a meme. I’m not hurt by it. I know it’s his way to lighten the seriousness of the situation with humor, so I’m happy he can do that.

I may not be a quitter, but I’m a good stopper.

Give it Time

I wish to encourage you today. No matter where you are in your journey…give it time. Time heals all.

After 14 years of Blogging, a woman is finally where she yearned to be with her Blog, and her writing. This is only my fifth year. I’m going to give it time.

When I begin a new venture, such as working part-time at the pizza place, I tell myself to go with the flow for at least 30 days before forming an opinion. I’m well past 30 days, and it feels like home.

I’ve been hard on myself recently about The Morning Pages. I just can’t seem to be consistent writing in a notebook every morning. Some day I wants to and other days I just look at it with a smirk.

Maybe it’s not the right time…

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Patience. Smith taught me that. I can’t tell you how many times I hit the ‘pause’ button on our relationship. Too numerous to count, but Smith is extremely patient. He gave me time and space to be alone. To figure things out in my own time.

It takes time to have a lasting relationship.

No matter where you are today my lovely.

Just give it time.

Feel the Music

When we got in the car he hit Bluetooth and said, “Listen to this. Cody Johnson has a new album.”

Cody is a good ‘ol Texas boy, so you’ll need to have ears for country music, otherwise they may bleed. 🙂

When we decide to sign that piece of paper to make what we have legal, this song will play at our wedding.

It’s Romantic Football

A change in perspective.

In any relationship you need to spend time together. Even if it’s sitting in the same room. Just be present with one another. Make the most of every moment.

When we first met, I didn’t like football.

Our second year, I had breast cancer.

By the third year, I realised football was not going away. It was a part of his life, and so was I. How to intertwine the two? Add a part of me to football.

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Welcome to Romantic Football.

I light candles along the mantle, and in the room, but the mantle is always lit during football.

This past football season I’ve been present, and it’s been enjoyable. I actually like football now.

When we’re together, it’s romantic football.

Give it Time

There is no joy in the numbers.

When did souls become numbered?

If you are writing and watching your stats after you hit publish, you’re hurting yourself. That has been my experience anyway. It’s pure mental torture.

My very own boyfriend doesn’t ‘like’ my posts.

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I know this probably crushed your mental image of Mr. Smith. Everyone loves Smith, but you haven’t seen what we’ve been through the past three years! The man deserves a medal for staying and loving me.

He reads every post, and encourages my writing, but there is a stigma with the like button. Smith watched me agonize over the numbers until I finally learned. You are a soul, not a number.

It used to make me so nervous seeing the number of read’s, compared with very few ‘likes’. I was taking it personally, and have deleted post’s thinking it must have sucked! I wanted to delete my entire first year, but no. That is where I became rooted.

You have to be a member of WordPress to ‘like’ a post. Some people don’t want the hassle of signing up even though it’s free, it’s still one more thing to capture your info. They can read it with no membership, but that is all they can do.

They have to be logged in to ‘like’.

Again, another hassle for some. Smith is rarely logged in, and he just wants to read it. He goes straight to the Author with comments. 🙂

I spent years posting my Blog on Social Media. It got read, and the numbers were impressive, but the likes were few, and there were zero comments.

Then I realized my Facebook friends were not WordPress members. It was up to them if they wanted to join. I became happy that they read it. Period.

When starting my Blog, hashtags were the craze. The more tags the better. My first year of Blogging was barely seen. Each post had a ton of tags, and WordPress thinks your post is spam if there’s more than 15. I learned that after 4 years of Blogging!

There was a lot of magic in year four.

Don’t stop until you see the magic.

It takes time, so please give it time.

Feel the Music

Mr. Smith and I have different taste in music.

He doesn’t listen to ‘radio’ music. He will sit at his laptop for hours, headphones in place, and dig until he finds what feeds his soul. I believe music is like a therapy session for him, and I’m all for that. Smith knows the true meaning of  “Feel the Music.”

So Why Leave

If I sit in the presence of Mr. Smith long enough, the conversation tends to grow deep. Not from me, but from him. I listen, become more quiet, until no words can form. I feel it.

This morning, we were sitting on the back porch, coffee in hand, watching Stork fly in over the lake. I feel a sense of peace when I see Stork. He has always revealed I am in a safe space. This morning, I felt my layers being peeled back one by one, and it was a gentle process. Smith was pointing out how I visit on the weekend, and then I pack up and leave.

Smith asked me to marry him months ago, and I said, “Yes.” Looking at our lives since then they haven’t changed much. I have two lives. The one with Smith on the weekends, and the one with my daughter during the week. My daughter visits some, but that is all it looks like is a weekend visit. My heart has been torn between these two worlds for a while.

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Smith has never loved me like I imagined I would be loved. He loves me better.

This morning was one of those times where he gently dug down to the heart of the matter. No more skimming over the surface, and the end result was a feeling of rawness. I thought I was holding it together pretty well, living this double life. But, I don’t have to ‘hold it all together’ anymore. I don’t have to be the man, and the woman, because he is the man.

Standing in the middle of the room was the elephant covered in glitter.

It’s always been my daughter, and me. Even when I was married to her father, it was really just the two of us. There comes a time where you don’t know which way is home. I have two houses, but which one feels more like home? Bringing three lives together, and enjoying one life. People say it’s a hard thing to do, but from where I sit, it’s harder not to.

So, the question is…why leave?

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com