Give it Time

I wish to encourage you today. No matter where you are in your journey…give it time. Time heals all.

After 14 years of Blogging, a woman is finally where she yearned to be with her Blog, and her writing. This is only my fifth year. I’m going to give it time.

When I begin a new venture, such as working part-time at the pizza place, I tell myself to go with the flow for at least 30 days before forming an opinion. I’m well past 30 days, and it feels like home.

I’ve been hard on myself recently about The Morning Pages. I just can’t seem to be consistent writing in a notebook every morning. Some day I wants to and other days I just look at it with a smirk.

Maybe it’s not the right time…

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Patience. Smith taught me that. I can’t tell you how many times I hit the ‘pause’ button on our relationship. Too numerous to count, but Smith is extremely patient. He gave me time and space to be alone. To figure things out in my own time.

It takes time to have a lasting relationship.

No matter where you are today my lovely.

Just give it time.

Feel the Music

When we got in the car he hit Bluetooth and said, “Listen to this. Cody Johnson has a new album.”

Cody is a good ‘ol Texas boy, so you’ll need to have ears for country music, otherwise they may bleed. 🙂

When we decide to sign that piece of paper to make what we have legal, this song will play at our wedding.

It’s Romantic Football

A change in perspective.

In any relationship you need to spend time together. Even if it’s sitting in the same room. Just be present with one another. Make the most of every moment.

When we first met, I didn’t like football.

Our second year, I had breast cancer.

By the third year, I realised football was not going away. It was a part of his life, and so was I. How to intertwine the two? Add a part of me to football.

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Welcome to Romantic Football.

I light candles along the mantle, and in the room, but the mantle is always lit during football.

This past football season I’ve been present, and it’s been enjoyable. I actually like football now.

When we’re together, it’s romantic football.

Give it Time

There is no joy in the numbers.

When did souls become numbered?

If you are writing and watching your stats after you hit publish, you’re hurting yourself. That has been my experience anyway. It’s pure mental torture.

My very own boyfriend doesn’t ‘like’ my posts.

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I know this probably crushed your mental image of Mr. Smith. Everyone loves Smith, but you haven’t seen what we’ve been through the past three years! The man deserves a medal for staying and loving me.

He reads every post, and encourages my writing, but there is a stigma with the like button. Smith watched me agonize over the numbers until I finally learned. You are a soul, not a number.

It used to make me so nervous seeing the number of read’s, compared with very few ‘likes’. I was taking it personally, and have deleted post’s thinking it must have sucked! I wanted to delete my entire first year, but no. That is where I became rooted.

You have to be a member of WordPress to ‘like’ a post. Some people don’t want the hassle of signing up even though it’s free, it’s still one more thing to capture your info. They can read it with no membership, but that is all they can do.

They have to be logged in to ‘like’.

Again, another hassle for some. Smith is rarely logged in, and he just wants to read it. He goes straight to the Author with comments. 🙂

I spent years posting my Blog on Social Media. It got read, and the numbers were impressive, but the likes were few, and there were zero comments.

Then I realized my Facebook friends were not WordPress members. It was up to them if they wanted to join. I became happy that they read it. Period.

When starting my Blog, hashtags were the craze. The more tags the better. My first year of Blogging was barely seen. Each post had a ton of tags, and WordPress thinks your post is spam if there’s more than 15. I learned that after 4 years of Blogging!

There was a lot of magic in year four.

Don’t stop until you see the magic.

It takes time, so please give it time.

Feel the Music

Mr. Smith and I have different taste in music.

He doesn’t listen to ‘radio’ music. He will sit at his laptop for hours, headphones in place, and dig until he finds what feeds his soul. I believe music is like a therapy session for him, and I’m all for that. Smith knows the true meaning of  “Feel the Music.”

So Why Leave

If I sit in the presence of Mr. Smith long enough, the conversation tends to grow deep. Not from me, but from him. I listen, become more quiet, until no words can form. I feel it.

This morning, we were sitting on the back porch, coffee in hand, watching Stork fly in over the lake. I feel a sense of peace when I see Stork. He has always revealed I am in a safe space. This morning, I felt my layers being peeled back one by one, and it was a gentle process. Smith was pointing out how I visit on the weekend, and then I pack up and leave.

Smith asked me to marry him months ago, and I said, “Yes.” Looking at our lives since then they haven’t changed much. I have two lives. The one with Smith on the weekends, and the one with my daughter during the week. My daughter visits some, but that is all it looks like is a weekend visit. My heart has been torn between these two worlds for a while.

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Smith has never loved me like I imagined I would be loved. He loves me better.

This morning was one of those times where he gently dug down to the heart of the matter. No more skimming over the surface, and the end result was a feeling of rawness. I thought I was holding it together pretty well, living this double life. But, I don’t have to ‘hold it all together’ anymore. I don’t have to be the man, and the woman, because he is the man.

Standing in the middle of the room was the elephant covered in glitter.

It’s always been my daughter, and me. Even when I was married to her father, it was really just the two of us. There comes a time where you don’t know which way is home. I have two houses, but which one feels more like home? Bringing three lives together, and enjoying one life. People say it’s a hard thing to do, but from where I sit, it’s harder not to.

So, the question is…why leave?

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

One More Day

I am going to post two Blogs today. It doesn’t happen often, but I have another one in me. If you are reading this, you may want to read the one from this morning, “Which Way Home.” A change of events occurred after posting that one, and I got my one more day.

Note to self. Do not let the dog outside as you’re loading up your truck.

Mr. Smith has a Min Pin, (miniature Doberman Pincher), that decided to race out the door as soon as I opened it. I didn’t think too much about it because he usually comes back in a few minutes. Once I finished loading my truck, I noticed the time was moving closer to my Radiation appointment, and he hadn’t returned. I was going to have to go look for him.

My left breast has a deep burn going on after 21 treatments. I started putting pure Aloe Vera on it yesterday, and thought, it would be nice to have one more day to keep it covered in Aloe. Thanks to Mr. Smith’s dog, I got my one more day. He came home an hour later.

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There was one thing I wanted to do while Smith was at work. To clean up my room.

Smith gave me this room to enjoy as I write, and tinker with stained glass. It got covered up with boxes from Christmas, and the table was full. I love this room and the view! By taking one more day to soothe my soul, I would also have it to heal my burned boob. I took a shower, put on Aloe , my Yoga pants, a comfortable t-shirt, and walked into the room.

I tore down all the empty boxes, and have them ready to be picked up. Then it was time to organize all this glass. Smith’s grandmother used to work with glass, and I am blessed to have all her leftover pieces. The tool caddy needed to be put together completely, so I did that as well. While looking at what I had in the caddy, I realized two things I would need.

While doing a Google search for the items, I felt my heart prompting me to look through the box of glass. Pulling out all of the pieces, and getting down to the bottom of the box. There is where I found the items I needed. The tool caddy is complete, and the room is cleaned, and organized. Sometimes the body and soul just need that one more day.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of 2016 that she had Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is going through Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com