The End Result

My daughter and I went to Houston this week, and saw Noah Gundersen. It was a lovely venue, and Noah is not very well-known yet, so the crowd was small and intimate. Getting there was a struggle. We exited the interstate, were stopped by a red light in a major intersection in downtown Houston, and the car stopped running. It completely died.

She starting crying, but I remained calm, and called AAA.

I was grateful to be with her. God does this all the time in our lives. When one is weak, the other is strong. When she is having a low day, I am on top of the world, and vice versa.

Our circumstances didn’t look very good, but God is faithful. He gives us the tools we need to get out of any situation we’re in. A man pulled up beside us, got out of his van putting himself in danger, wanting to push her car out of the busy intersection. AAA showed up at that point, got us out of the intersection, and the man went back to the safety of his van. We had to stay calm and trust the journey.

Today’s reading in Jesus Calling says, “Put more energy into trusting Me, and enjoying my presence. Don’t let your well-being depend on your circumstances. Instead, connect your joy to My precious promises.” November 5th.

The car was towed to a mechanic, and there was a lady there having her tires checked. She noticed us stepping out of the cab of the tow truck, and asked if she could give us a ride to the hotel. She was a delight, and it surprised her when I gave her a big hug for the rescue. I don’t believe she was accustomed to being hugged, so this small act of kindness caught her off guard. I was grateful for her, and to be standing safely in front of the hotel. It was beautiful!

It took longer to get through our circumstances than it did to drive to Houston. Our hotel was 5 miles away from where the car broke down, but we couldn’t leave. Plus, the Astros had won the World Series the night before, so it was chaotic! What we face may look daunting, but give it a little wink, and trust the journey. The end result is worth it.

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Front and center with Noah.

In Six Months

Once you have Cancer, it doesn’t completely leave your mind.

I said no to going to see my Breast Surgeon. Instead, I called the imaging center, and asked them to send the films to my Oncologist. If I had to choose who to go see, it would be him. His office called and he agreed with the Radiologist. He’s not concerned, but wants to see me in six months.

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When I left the imaging center, those words were playing on a loop in my mind. “See you in six months.” How would I live my life the next six months? What have I been putting off doing? I listened to my heart the whole way home.

As soon as I walked through the door, I bought concert tickets to see Noah Gundersen.

My daughter has seen him in concert, and he is one of our favorite artists. He’s not very well-known, so the tickets are cheap. She wants me to see him in concert, and she asked for these tickets as part of her birthday in August.

She had a priority list of things she’d like for her birthday, and we did everything on her little list, except the tickets. He’s playing in Houston, so that meant spending the night. I called my co-worker, and asked if I could work her hours. She said yes, so I made the extra money to enjoy the upcoming concert, and we will spend the night in Houston.

My daughter thought maybe I cancelled my appointment because of money. I said, “No darling. We have the money, but we are going to see Noah, and cherish the moment.”

 

Digging the Details

My daughter has left to spend the weekend with her father. I won’t see her until Tuesday, the day of my appointment. He has a busy weekend planned for them, but before she left I said, “I don’t know what I’m doing this weekend.” She responded with, “The possibilities are endless.”

I’m sitting in the middle of my bed, watching it rain.

The dogs are laying on the floor beside me, just to be near.

It made my heart happy that she said, “The possibilities are endless.” That whatever I chose to do over the weekend would improve our lives in some way. I’ve begun this new thing while she is away by looking at the details of our life, and making adjustments. Just tweaking what we already have.

This began in a big way by moving furniture. Using the most of our small space, and helping things flow. Those things are noticeable, but now it’s down to the finest detail.

This has been going on for months, so now when she walks in the front door, there is a  pause to look around. There may be a picture that has been moved, or curtains swapped from another room. The last time she was away, I bought a new shower curtain liner. You would think, no one would notice a new piece of plastic while showering, but she did.

Yesterday, I gave our bathroom some attention. While cleaning the toilet, I looked at the bowl brush, and decided it had seen better days, so in the trash it went. Yes, life should be beautiful all the way down to the tiolet bowl brush! We now have a new bowl brush. Will she notice?

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Full of Stars

When my daughter was small, I imitated Martha Stewart.

She doesn’t remember much of the grand lifestyle, but the one thing she remembers, and misses, are the stars on the Christmas tree every year. I find it humourous this would be the one thing to stick with her. The stars were made of paper, and sold in a kit created by Martha Stewart.

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During my mammogram appointment, they asked me to lay on a table for the sonogram. I did so, and looked up to a view of paper flowers hanging from the ceiling. They were simply beautiful, and reminded me of these stars.

When I left my marriage, Christmas ornaments were not a priority, so the box of stars were left behind. There is no telling where they are today, but the great thing about a material object is… It can eventually be replaced.

A year ago, I searched, found and purchased a kit on Etsy.

It has been 20 years since making them, so I had to follow the instructions, and refresh my memory. It went smoothly until the part came where the paper stands up in fours points. I couldn’t get it to do it, and it was very frustrating.

God placed people in my life who taught me patience.

I’ve been sitting in the middle of my bed making stars.

My daughter will have a Christmas tree full of stars again.

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Everyday Feels Special

Walking into my bedroom, this made my heart happy.

My daughter had hung a banner, and not just any banner. I could tell she had chosen it specifically for my heart. The triangles are printed with a beautiful pattern, and you hand string it on a satin ribbon, to make it the length you want.

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Out of the four walls, she chose the one with the ‘Happiness’ sign. She knew I would notice it immediately upon walking in. It was her way of saying, “Happy Birthday!”

My birthday was Saturday, so she hung this the night before. It will hang long past my birthday just because it’s pretty to look at, and it’s from her. That’s just what we do.

She had bought the banner at one of our favorite shops, so she took me there on my birthday. This shop has unique items, leaning toward the artsy, and handcrafted. Every item is quite expensive, but for some reason it’s okay there. We don’t go with purchases in mind. We love walking in, and through the store. Seeing so much pretty in one place.

While there, we found a newly opened doorway, and stood there mesmerized. They had expanded and opened a back room to place sale items. Even the sale sign above the door was no ordinary sign. Each letter was made to look like fresh-cut topiaries. I realized the thing I loved most about this store was their attention to every little detail.

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It held items marked half price, in hopes of finding a home. There were not many things in the room, but they were fun to see, and yes, I bought an Earl Grey Shea body lotion.

On our way out, we always stop and look at the cards.

They say things you normally don’t say outloud, so they strike us as fun. One card in particular caught my attention. If it would have been my daughter’s birthday, and she was a little older, I would have gotten this card for her.

Once we returned home, she handed me the card she had filled out the night before. She had chosen it as my birthday card, and  it was the same one I was looking at for her.

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The What If’s

My daughter filled the crock pot with wonderfulness yesterday. I am not sure what all it has in it, but it’s true love in a mug. Some of it was Almond milk, Espresso, pumpkin puree, maple syrup, and fall spices. I saved what was left and placed it in the fridge. We don’t own a microwave, so there was something about heating it up in a small pan on the stove that placed me directly in happiness mode.

I took time this weekend to read some Blogs I follow.

For some reason it was like some of their words jumped off the screen at me. They gave me the strength to reopen my Patreon page. A few Bloggers that I follow use Patreon. One is Little Fears. Anyone that writes about Little Fears is brave in my mind. He is usually the first Blogger to ‘like’ my posts.

After working on my Patreon page, I sent the link to a friend. She said, “I will support you!” That is not what I was expecting. I just wanted her opinion about what it said, and how it looked. It warmed my heart to know that she would.

She asked, “What if each reader gave $1?” She also reminded me, “If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.”

So, I scanned through some other Patreon pages, and found one that brings in over $5,000 a month. He has over 5,000 Patrons. Her philosophy worked for him, so what if?

Personally, I wouldn’t know what to do with that much money a month. I would be able to quit my job, write full-time, and publish a book. What if that happened? I would be happier than I already am. Am I fearful of being happier than I already am? Let’s keep moving forward, and find out.

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Healing in Hugs

I saved the last cookie for my daughter. She broke it in half, and brought half over to me. This is how we live our life.

We are sitting at the table together. She is doing school while I write. There is a difference between living together, and being present. When I stepped away from Social Media, I realized we didn’t hug each other as much as we once did. It was time for that to change. There is healing in hugs.

Some of my favorite daily activities now include, sitting at the counter of my favorite coffee shop, and being present for the person working behind the counter. To walk into one of the shops downtown, and hug the owner for no reason than they’re there another day. People in town wave when they see my truck. How many of those waves were missed?

I freely give my laugh, a listening ear, a smile, and hugs.

My daughter is finding her way through this life, and the only thing I have done different is to be present, and give hugs.

It was awkward at first for me to just walk up and hug her, so to lighten it up, I counted. I’d hug her and say, “There’s one.” In my mind there was a minimum of three a day.

She is almost as tall as me now, but it’s still a hug, and it heals. Somedays three is all we can remember to do, but there are those special days we lose count, and just hug.

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Everyday is Different

My daughter brought home a case of these yesterday.

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This is happiness. Butter and coffee. What is not to love?

Our dog was laying by her bedroom door today, while she was on the phone. She opened her door to step out, and he moved out of the way.  She asked, “Was Mochee laying by my door this whole time?” She was barefoot, and noticed the warmth of the hard wood floor where he had been laying. I love that she notices these small details of life.

Our landlord is burning brush in the field next to us, and all we can think about is wanting to roast marshmallows.

Now it is night, and I stepped out on the porch a few minutes ago. Living in the country, you always where shoes stepping out there at night. Every now and then you will find a Scorpion hanging out on the porch too. Our ginormous, white, barn cat is laying on the step. He will take down a Scorpion for the person who cares for him.

I feel more at ease with him laying there. We named this cat ‘Meh’. because he doesn’t fully meow, he just says, ‘Meh.’

Everyday is different, and I love that about our life.

At night before bed, my daughter and I talk about what we would like to accomplish the next day. It’s not set in stone. We stay flexible throughout the day, and let life flow. We make a plan, but also make adjustments where needed. If it’s that important, it will get done, but when it’s time.

I haven’t found anything more important than just spending time together, and making adjustments throughout the day for each other’s happiness.

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Stopping to Go

Today, I gave my daughter the day off from being my daughter.

She harbors these ‘people pleasing’ abilities that will wear off over time. Her father’s hectic life is adding stress to hers, but he needs her more than I do right now. Not wanting to add to an already stressful situation, I encouraged her not to come home today as planned. She was grateful.

It’s my favorite time of day to sit in the middle of the bed. I grabbed one of my favorite platters, and filled it with Gouda, Organic cream cheese with Raspberry Chipotle sauce, Rosemary crackers, and black seedless grapes. The jury is still out whether this is a snack, or an early dinner.

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I went to an AA meeting at noon. I was in the midst of cleaning house, and didn’t mind stopping to go, if God saw fit. Walking through the motions of getting ready, I told God, “If you really want me to go, everything will fall into place seamlessly.” At 11:40, I was ready to walk out the door.

Walking into the meeting, I noticed a young lady sitting there that I haven’t seen before. She had made a similar deal with God.

“Okay God, If you want me to go to this meeting, someone will walk in that I need to see.”

Long story short, she asked me to be her temporary sponsor.

This is the second woman in the past 30 days that God has placed in my path to sponsor. I have no clue how to be a sponsor, but I know how to stay sober, and I can coach.

I sat down yesterday, and came across this page in SC Lourie’s new journal. It sums up precisely where I am today.

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The photo may be hard to read. Here is what it says.

“I had to stop waiting. Waiting to be that person I always hoped I would become. Waiting for that person to rescue me. Waiting until I felt ready. Waiting until I had healed. Waiting until I got things right. Waiting until I was seen, noticed, acknowledged, or remembered. Waiting for that ultimate day somewhere in the future that would change everything. Soon after, I realised something. You are either waiting, or you are living. I choose to live. To end the wait.” SC Lourie

 

We Always Do

Today is one of those days you just go with the flow of the day itself. My daughter came home yesterday, and will leave tomorrow. She has a busy couple of weeks ahead, thanks to her father, but the last thing I told her lastnight was…

We will get through it. We always do.

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One of my faves taken 9/19/2015.