We Always Do

Today is one of those days you just go with the flow of the day itself. My daughter came home yesterday, and will leave tomorrow. She has a busy couple of weeks ahead, thanks to her father, but the last thing I told her lastnight was…

We will get through it. We always do.

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One of my faves taken 9/19/2015. 

Cherish the Moment

The weekend is here, and I hope you have moments.

I am blessed to enjoy moments everyday, but for some, that is not possible yet. To relax your body, and mind to the point of seeing what is happening right in front of you.

My fave moment this week by far, was with my daughter.

She came home Monday, and was mentally and physically exhausted from her weekend of travel. It was late afternoon, as I stretched out across my bed; gazing out the window to clear my mind, and relax. She came in my room wrapped in one of her favorite blankets. We call it ‘bonding’ time.

She curled up at the head of the bed, and laid against a mass of pillows. She started telling me everything about her weekend, as I laid at the foot of the bed and listened.

We laughed at things that happened, and were somber about others.

In moments, time is passing, but it feels very still.

I couldn’t hear her voice anymore, as I looked over to see her asleep. She had talked it all out, and now she could rest. I tiptoed out of the room, taking the moment with me.

Turn the Page

It feels like a new chapter unfolding in our lives.

She wrote, and published her first Blog post today.

She has always been a gifted writer. Maybe that is why she encouraged me to begin this Blog years ago, because she knew how enjoyable it would be. It was a seed in her heart.

She’s had a WordPress account for over a year, and yesterday talked about writing a Blog. It made me smile. Today, she typed one up, added some of her beautiful photographs, and hit publish. I asked God to please let someone read it. It’s had several views, and likes. We needed this today, so glory to God, and thank you WordPress community.

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It’s Pretty Ugly

I took a friend to meet Stephanie today. You may or may not recall but, Stephanie is who gave me the courage to care for plants. Everyone needs a Stephanie in their life.

Getting out of my truck, this caught my eye. It has been hanging there for some time, and I have walked by it a countless number, but today it spoke to me.

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My daughter is still in shock that I brought it home!

She asked, “How much was it?” I cheerfully replied, “Stephanie let me have it for 9 bucks!” My daughter looked confused. This was so unlike me to buy something that wasn’t pretty.  I have already received $9 worth of joy from it.

Some days look pretty, but some days feel ugly, and it’s okay to have both.

The Battle Begins

She told me, “I’ve been struggling with depression all year.”

My immediate thought was, “Not my daughter.”

She came clean on Instagram, and wrote a post about it, thanking people for their prayers and support. I downloaded the post, and saved it to my phone, but when she deleted it from her account, it disappeared. There are glad days and sad days, and today is a sad one. Everyday is different.

This is one of my favorite pictures of her. We had just moved into this house, and you can see the sparkle in her eyes.

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Sparkle.

She doesn’t follow my Blog, or read it unless I ask her to.

I feel this needs to be written, so she can read it one day.

We have fought many battles, and won with God by our side. She will overcome, but let’s mark today as, the battle begins.

Feel the Music

In four more days, she will be 18. My darling daughter.

I’ve always thought of her as older, and wise beyond her years. It was 5 years ago that we ventured out on our own. What a brave little girl, to leave everything she knew, for the unknown. I hope she always leaves her comfort zone.

Do we give up a chunk of our lives for our children?

My daughter and I have shared our lives. She has watched her Mama grow up, just as I have watched her. She has big wings, but they are still developing. I believe this year has been the year of finding myself, so I am ready when she flies. I don’t worry about her, so she shouldn’t worry about me. When she sees me stepping off the path she says,

Is this what you gave up a 25 year marriage for?

We take care of one another, and this song makes us cry. My darling daughter, you are my life, but you have also given me yours. May we fly in sequence, but always find our way home.

 

Letting Her Go

My daughter is still at her Dad’s house, but she is packing to leave. Not to come home, but to fly to Missouri to spend time with her boyfriend, his family, and attend a wedding.

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My daughter used to struggle getting out of the house in a timely manner. We both did! This Meme became our sage advice. The first time she heard,”Get your shit together!”, it was out of frustration. She was doing more than she needed, like making the bed, turning all the lights off, and checking for a lit candle. Preparing the house, and herself, to leave.

That was a skill she learned from her previous environment, but that was different. My home was still my haven, but leaving normally meant getting in the car with her father, or driving to meet him somewhere. That is another topic, but my reason for dawdling was to avoid more pain. When I was ready to leave one last time, she was ready to come with.

My shit was not together, but God has a better plan for us. (Jeremiah 29:11)

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My daughter has been navigating airports since she was a toddler. Her father traveled for business, and we went with him, so she learned early. Today, at 17 years old, she can gracefully and confidently get through any airport. When we fly together, she’s responsible for getting us on the plane!

Yeah….I’m the one emptying my pockets, and pulling off my boots, trying to get through security. She has already passed through, and is standing there hoping I don’t hurt myself, or others! Sometimes she gets sent through TSA Pre, and it used to make her feel guilty for leaving me. The airlines view her as low risk, or non threatening, but give her time!

Being her Mama, my heart swells thinking of her flying solo, in more ways one. You could say, our lives together over the past 4 years, has been preparation for today. It’s practice for ‘letting her go‘ gradually. Sometimes, I’ll text her while she’s away from home and say, “Just yell if you need me!” She responds with, “I’ll always need you Mama.” She’s sweet!

I’m not convinced but, ‘Roots and wings’ baby girl. Literally!

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My babe.

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What a Savage!

My daughter has been at her Dad’s since Friday. Yesterday, we decided to meet up at one of our favorite coffee houses. Stepping outta my truck, she was walking across the parking lot towards me. I was in awe of her grace, and beauty.

Her hair was woven in this messy bun atop her head She was wearing a white, knit top, loose-fitting jeans, and comfortable looking heels. Wanting a picture of her, I handed her my phone, and asked her to snap one. Next time, I’ll be more specific, because this is what she did.

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She will be screaming that I shared this, but she knows her Mama. This is her ‘egg’ look she often sends to her best friend. Her bestie is Japanese, and has darker skin, so she is referred to as ‘brown egg’, and my daughter is ‘white egg’.

Their most obvious differences, yet they are besties. They speak to one another like savages, but they love one another. Her friend knows her true beauty. Her heart.

People see my daughter, and may think she knows she’s beautiful. The sad part is, my daughter doesn’t know it. No matter how often she hears it, she just laughs it off. Do you know what causes her to question herself?

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She compares herself to what she sees on Social Media.

So, she knows this. 2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:2 NIV)

“The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life.” (Job 33:4)

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My daughter doesn’t need my preachin’. She knows my heart, so I pray for her instead. So one day she can do this.

“I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139:14) Her soul needs to know.

We live together, so she hears some preachin’, and sometimes too much! Her new thing to say is, “It’s okay Mama. I still love you, just a little less!” Hah! What a savage!