To Be Free

The time has come for a WordPress hiatus.

I’ve felt it gnawing at me for a while, but this week it became crystal clear. I’m determined to keep the portions on my plate in balance, and there’s new opportunity just over the horizon.

It’s been challenging to keep my plate clean, because I’m a doer, but I want to give God plenty of room to move. There are times when we don’t see Him move in our lives, and wonder where He is. Even God needs room.

I’ve been thinking about the Taylor Swift documentary I watched earlier this year. There was this one thing she spoke about that jumped out at me, and it’s still on my mind.

In 2016, she took a year off.

Just disappeared from the public eye for one year.

To me, that sounds like freedom.

uncertainty

In a card for my birthday last October, my daughter wrote, ‘This is your year!’, and she’s right, but there’s so much more I want to experience, and accomplish. I hope she writes that in every birthday card from here on out.

After going through my archives, I thought I’d be rejuvenated about Blogging, but instead, there’s a relief in it. There’s no pressure to Blog everyday, or every week for that matter. Now I know, I went through them to be happily satisfied with what’s here, leading up to this day.

Thank you for walking alongside me on this path, but it’s time to step over to a new one. There’s so much freedom in letting go, especially with people, places and things you love. I wish for you to receive every bit of goodness God has in store. May you learn what it feels like in your bones, to be free.

The Disco Ball

I let it go years ago, but it came back into my life this Christmas. It was introduced in one of my very first posts in June of 2014 entitled, A Little Bit of Everything.

Releasing it from it’s hook attached to the old oak tree, only to discover it crawling with ants. They had began living inside the Disco Ball and made themselves at home, so I left it by the tree and stepped away.

It wasn’t easy to let go of. I thought about exterminating it and bringing it with us to our new home, but not everything travels from one journey to the next.

That was two houses and four years ago.

My daughter knew I loved that Disco Ball and she gave me a new one this Christmas. It’s not silver like the last one. This one is made of color. My life is more colorful now.

discoball1

It’s hanging out front and when the light hits it, colorful dots dance everywhere.

Why wasn’t it replaced before now?

We lived in the country, so there were trees. The disco ball isn’t expensive. It costs less than gas for my truck each week, but I believe it was the timing of it all.

What makes our heart happy doesn’t leave. It’s rooted there and waits. When the time is right, it’ll rise to the surface, even better and brighter than before.

Just like the Disco Ball.

settling2

Feel the Music

Stop trying to figure everything out my darling.

There’s so much of your story that is yet to unfold.

You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over. So, hold onto every promise God has made to us. And watch this glorious unfolding.

Be a Stopper

I’m not very good at quitting. As soon as that thought entered my mind, another thought followed. ‘You don’t have to quit, but you can stop.’

I’m good at stopping.

♥ ♥ ♥

In speaking with a co-worker he said something that has been rolling around my mind for a week. We don’t know each other very well, so he had no idea my love for memes. I noticed he never posted a meme on his Facebook page. It was always a photograph with a description of the event.

He said, “People being encouraged by a saying on a meme. That is the most ridiculous thing ever!”

His comment knocked me back for a moment, but I quickly realized I’ve had that thought before.

At the time, I was scheduling an encouraging meme to post automatically the next morning. A lady thanked me for starting her day with something positive, but then I wondered…’Why are you looking through your phone for encouragement?’

I’ve done it too. Whenever I needed encouragement I’d scroll through my own Facebook page. Hah!

In 2017, I taught myself how to make memes. If you google Letitgocoach, and click images, you will see some, but once I learned, I was ready to learn something else. Making memes is a nice tool to have, but they’ve lost their sparkle in my life.

♥ ♥ ♥

Smith and I stopped seeing one another. We had a beautiful journey, but we stopped several times. The time between stops got longer until we knew our journey had come to a close. It was a sweet ending and then I saw a meme he posted on Facebook. He announced his single status in a joking way.

He used a meme and it was humorous, but I thought it ironic that the end of our relationship was summed up in a meme. I’m not hurt by it. I know it’s his way to lighten the seriousness of the situation with humor, so I’m happy he can do that.

I may not be a quitter, but I’m a good stopper.

Now is the time.

Waiting to Bloom

It’s odd, how you pack up your belongings, and move into a new space. It’s the same stuff you’ve had, but it finds new places to nest. This house doesn’t have a mudroom, so the dogs are fed in a breezeway. Three weeks later, they know which cabinet holds the food, and which drawer has treats.

In Bénisse Cette Maison, Laura Jinkins commented, “I am happy for you and your new adventure. I am especially happy that after such a short period of time, your new abode already feels like HOME.”Looking at her Blog this morning, she has made her house even more of a home.

Making small changes, prepare us for bigger ones.

Laura moved rooms around, and repainted them, giving her home a whole new look, and herself a new work-space. She will be inspired in her freshly painted, private space.

When your heart finds a home, your belongings follow.

Last year, my daughter had been looking at houses online for months, before finding this one. She knew it was going to be a challenge to find a home that would feed both our hearts. I enjoy quiet, and peaceful, and she longed to be near her friends, and all her favorite shops. We knew the area we desired, but where, oh where, was the house?

We drove out to the lake area, over an hour away from where we were living at the time, to look at a house on the market. It was an older home, and the best thing about it was the front door. We walked through, and went from room to room, trying out figure out how to make it work, but it wasn’t right. My daughter was getting discouraged.

If it doesn’t feel like home before you move, keep looking.

As we were driving away from that house, my daughter received an email notification of another house nearby. We stopped by, and what I saw outside, spoke to my heart.

arbor
Arbor with walk leading to the front door.

I stood inside this Arbor, looking at the vine, and pondered, “Would we bloom at the same time?” There is another vine growing along the fence at the end of the driveway.

The landlord assured me his landscape guy would come, and clean up the weeds clinging to everything. I said, “No. These are not weeds. They are flowers waiting to bloom.”

My daughter and I are freshly planted, and when the time is right, just like these vines, we will be ready to bloom.

Bénisse Cette Maison

Letting go of what is comfortable. Even though I knew there was more, where I stood felt okay, and it was easy. There wasn’t anything wrong, except my heart wanted more.

2017 was a year of following my heart, and believe me, my heart and mind were conflicted. What was logical thinking, didn’t feed my heart, and when my heart soared, my mind told me I was bonkers. It was time to set my heart free.

Richard Rohr says, “Houses are meant to move out of”.

I pondered that quote for what seemed like a long time, until it took root in my heart. My mind kept pointing out all the positive aspects of where we were living, but my heart wasn’t happy. The thought of moving was uncomfortable. We had lived in a country setting for a few years, and it was peaceful. No complaints, unless you asked my heart.

I mentioned that quote to a man in our community, and he was flabbergasted! He quickly opposed it, and said, “Oh No! Houses are meant to be lived in, and filled with family and friends!” I was living in my house, but it wasn’t filled with family and friends. They lived an hour away. For two years, my daughter had been driving an hour each way, every weekend to see her Dad. She was tired.

A couple of friends came to visit, and showed me what my heart was missing. Connection, and love in real-time.

This house had it’s season, and was meant to move out of.

I came across a picture of our porch, right after moving in.

before
6/2015

We had been in this house less than a year, when I found out I had Breast Cancer. My Breast Cancer journey was in 2016, so 2017 was a year of healing, growing, and discovering the woman Cancer left behind. I let go of a lot last year, which I will slowly write about, but there were some major heart-strings tied to this little country home.

This home was perfect for healing, and offered privacy.

Here is the last picture taken of that little house of healing.

after
11/29/2017

My daughter and I have moved away from country living.

We spent the month of December packing up everything except the Christmas tree. On January 2nd, we moved into our new house. It’s been a week now, and it feels like home.

blessthishome
Bless this home.

Sow Some Seeds (Part 7)

Here are the last of our seeds.

My hope is they are planted in your heart, and you will reap a harvest of goodness now, and in the coming year.

Here are today’s seeds:

I will pause whenever I am feeling sorry for myself today, and remember that this is the only day I have and must play it to the fullest. What my part may signify in the great whole, I may not recognize, but I am here to play it and now is the time.

I will remember that those who have fewest regrets are those who take each moment as it comes for all that it’s worth.

Live in the now. Play it to the fullest! Have no regrets.

This is my day!

These are my seeds.

Thank you, God, for this precious garden of time.

Wishing you a beautiful Christmas, and a New Year filled with God’s very best!

Parts of this Blog are taken from The Seeds of Success, by Og Mandino.

First and Last

The appointment with my Oncologist went very well on Monday. We basically thanked one another for being there, and said our good-byes. He said if anything comes up where I need him, to just call. Well, let’s just say, “Thank you Doc, but I hope this was the first and last.”

I have my mammogram tomorrow morning.

This will be the first one in exactly one year. The first time I had one it showed the lump in my breast, and was extremely painful! They are not supposed to be painful lovely. I had waited until I couldn’t wait any longer to go have the mammogram. I was standing there, hugging the machine, and sobbing.

This one won’t be painful, unless I have a really sucky technician. My hope is that I have the same one I had the first time, so she can see what God did in that year.

I’m a completely different woman from the first time, but it won’t be my last.

My surgeon wants me to have one every 6 months for two years. I looked at her like, “Gosh! Will this journey ever end?” The journey continues, and I’m just better than I was at the first. Thank you God it wasn’t my last.

Save

Face Your Fear

I have to get ready soon, for an appointment with my Oncologist. Today will be the first time I’ve seen him since finishing Chemo last September. I get to tell him ‘thank you’, and ‘goodbye.’

They say he won’t tell me, ‘Congratulations! You are Cancer free!’ Thanks to my Breast Cancer Journey, I feel more free today in many ways. My current hair color is a good example.

I don’t need proof today, or all the reasons the Cancer is gone. I know it was God.

My daughter dyed my hair this weekend, and it didn’t turn out quite as we planned. My hair is naturally a dark color, so she bleached it, but that got it to a pale orange stage. When she added the purple it literally looked orange, and purple, so yesterday we tried it again.

I was okay with the pale orange and lavender mass, but felt we could do better. She sat me down, and we went through the entire bleaching, toning, and conditioning process once again. In our minds, we were trying to achieve the look in the picture of Repeat If Desired.

fear

After all of that, she dried my hair, and I just sat with it for a minute. She pulled out half a dozen jars of hair color for me to choose from, and asked if I still wanted purple. I didn’t realize I had so many other choices! My daughter has played with the color of her hair a lot, and she showed me a picture of what she looked like with each one. I couldn’t decide.

Which one was best for me? The one that interested me most was a dark green. It was so dark it looked black in the jar. She said that would take my hair back to a very dark color, with just a tinge of emerald, but we had been through so much! Did I want to go back?

I have not been a bleached blonde in my life, that I can remember, so this is new to me. I told her I was going to sit with it for a few days with it just being bleached, and see if I wanted a color. It’s already a color to me, and drastically different than what I had two days ago.

When I was going through Chemo, a lot of people there wore wigs. I never wore one, and just walked around bald. I told her when I walk into the Cancer Center on Monday, people will probably think it’s a wig! It doesn’t matter what people think, I know it’s real.

Maybe that would scare some people, knowing they can’t take it off their head at the end of the day. To be honest, it scared me a little bit too, but which is scarier? Having hair this color, or no hair at all, because I was hairless for a while. It’s not about the hair darling.

It was all about the journey that got me here.

Sitting in a small bathroom, with my daughter for two days. Listening to some of our favorite songs, and talking about life. Giving her the freedom to be creative, and trusting my hair in her hands, are just some of the memories captured by this color. I can always shave my hair, but it’s those moments that remain.