Feel the Music

I tell my daughter to look for windows.

It’s not always a door God will open.

I’ve sang this song in my heart for her since she was small. Today, we sing it for one another.

Stop Feeling Guilty

Yesterday, I slept for a solid 15 hours.

When I fell asleep it was daylight, and when I awoke it was daylight. There are no regrets.

My body was tired, and today it feels more human.

When deciding what to wear for the day, I chose a t-shirt that says, “100% Human”, on the little front pocket, just as a mental note of what I need to be.

I yearned for simple pleasures today. I wanted to wash my clothes in perfume, but my bottle of Nu Wash was empty. The hardware store I went.

Being away from home for several days, there was not much food in the house, but I opted for the grocery store next to the hardware store. Simply stocked with less distractions and minimal driving.

My initial thought was the frozen organic food section for something to pop in the oven. Something pre-made, but I don’t do a lot of pre-made food. If it has more than 5 ingredients listed, I need to recognize every ingredient. I’m just weird that way.

As an example, I bought some pasta, and saw a container of Alfredo sauce. It was a good brand, but had chemicals listed. Butter, flour, cream and Parmesan equal cream sauce, and I had everything at home but the cream, so I bought some cream.

Standing in the checkout of the store, there was a conversation going on between cashier and customer. The customer was buying a reusable K-Cup. She was telling the cashier it would save her money on coffee. The cashier told her a bag of coffee would last him a year. I was having trouble comprehending this conversation, and felt guilty.

Save money on coffee? Out of all the things you can save money on you’re going to choose coffee?

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Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

It would probably shock you to know how much I spend on a bag of coffee, but seeing the picture above become reality at a moments notice is priceless. I don’t own a TV, or have a cable bill.

I’d rather have good coffee, and perfumed clothes.

Love me, love my coffee, or in the least don’t object.

Stop feeling guilty for living a life worth living.

Sow Some Seeds (Part 7)

Here are the last of our seeds.

My hope is they are planted in your heart, and you will reap a harvest of goodness now, and in the coming year.

Here are today’s seeds:

I will pause whenever I am feeling sorry for myself today, and remember that this is the only day I have and must play it to the fullest. What my part may signify in the great whole, I may not recognize, but I am here to play it and now is the time.

I will remember that those who have fewest regrets are those who take each moment as it comes for all that it’s worth.

Live in the now. Play it to the fullest! Have no regrets.

This is my day!

These are my seeds.

Thank you, God, for this precious garden of time.

Wishing you a beautiful Christmas, and a New Year filled with God’s very best!

Parts of this Blog are taken from The Seeds of Success, by Og Mandino.

Them Three Days

This is the first time, in three days, I’ve turned on my laptop. I pulled back my bedroom drapes this morning, just to make sure there was still a world. I’ve been asleep for 3 days.

Before Chemo, this would never have happened. Oh sure, I could take a nap every now and then, but to allow my body to curl up and just sleep? A toothache was the culprit, but is getting better. I have heard that Chemo is hard on your teeth, but I wasn’t prepared for this.

I lit some of my favorite candles, and just went with it.

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My sponsor told me years ago, a lot can happen in 3 days. She would always suggest, waiting 3 days before making any monumental decisions, or taking action. Something would happen to give me a revelation, or the time would cause it’s importance to fall away.

One thing I wanted to accomplish this week was give my daughter a ‘Birthday week.’ I don’t believe I’ve ever done it before, maybe when she was little, but she turns 17, August 8th. So, I went around to different shops, and collected 7 little things I thought she would like. Little things to remind her of who she is, where we’ve been, and where we’re headed.

I had the clarity of mind, to write a note about the item, which is all the writing I’ve done, up until now. I loved writing her the note more than anything, because the words just flowed from my heart to hers. She got choked up a couple of times, but there should be emotion in our writing. I’m so grateful to have been able to do that for her each day.

Today is Day 3, of her birthday week, and I’m having trouble deciding what to give her next. I’m thinking it will be the LED sign that says, “No Regrets.” I want her to know at this young age, to live a life of no regrets.

That means doing things that scare you sometimes, like Chemo, but I can honestly say, I have no regrets in my life. Just keep living, loving, and learning.

I’m Ready Now

Driving down the road this afternoon, to pick up my daughter, this song came on the radio. It’s by Plumb, and she always pierces my soul. I listened intently to the words, and discovered they describe this path I’m on.

I just wanted to share this with you here.

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Being a Letitgocoach, the first few words caught my attention quick. I’ve heard this song before, but today it was like she was singing it for me. Do you have days like that?

The next verse that spoke to me was, “I ran away from you, and I did what I wanted to, but I don’t want to let you down. Lord, I’m ready now.”

I don’t believe I run away from God anymore. Oh yes…I used to quite often. He always positioned me just so, and what was in front of me seemed insurmountable. What I didn’t realize then was, everything we go through prepares us for what’s ahead. I was ready for what He gave me, but I allowed fear to set in.

So, there I would go down a bunny trail, and do what I wanted to do. There were missed opportunities I’m sure, but I have no regrets. God is patient, and kind. He would wait for me to get done doing my thing, and give me another chance. No more letting Him down.

He has given me a beautiful life.

Even though the path I’m on has a good deal of uncertainty, I trust Him. Looking over the past year alone, I can see where everything up to this point, has prepared me for where I am. I have moments of fear of what lies ahead, but I’m not alone.

I can finally say, ‘Lord, I’m ready now.’

 

Let It Go Coach

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This was the question I started asking myself a while back and continue to do so today. “How would my life be different if I learned to let go of things that have already let go of me?

I was legally married for 25 years. Ten years into it, I had a spiritual awakening and stopped drinking. God completely took the desire away from me. The marriage was okay for another five, and then we told ourselves we would stay together for the children. Our parents did the same, but I refused. Our children knew we were miserable, and here I am. I let go of who had let me go.

I still do this today, and by God’s grace I’m quick.

The letting go process has been huge in helping me let go in all areas of my life. When I wake up filled with peace, I know I’m living a clean and healthy life. If I wake up feeling uneasy, God is trying to show me something I need to change, or warning me before a storm.

The storms are a lot less intense than they once were. Either they are smaller, or I have become stronger, and more secure in who I am.

There are days when the handful of people I allow into my personal life, enjoy picking on me. They tell me I need to Let It Go Coach! That’s okay though. I know they love me, and I get to fully love them.

No Regrets

Just because we have them, doesn’t mean we have to keep them. The dictionary describes it as: Regret is a negative conscious and emotional reaction to personal past acts and behaviors. Regret is often expressed by the term “sorry.” That is encouraging to me because it reveals itself as consciousness and emotion, which we have control over. It also places it in the past, which we can choose not to live in anymore.

Some of you know, I spent a third of my life drowning in alcoholism. Early in my sobriety, I told a friend that I regretted all the years I lost to drinking, and wish I had them back. She quickly told me, “God was with you that whole time. Watching over you, protecting you, and allowing that experience to form you into the person you are today.” It’s true, and I wouldn’t have met her. One of my most treasured friends.

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The most important thing to know is….We’re not alone. There are people out there who have done the same stupid things we did, if not worse, and are alive to tell about it. If you want to hear some, go sit in an AA meeting with a lot of newcomers. This is called a ‘Beginners’ meeting, and they usually have just a few hours sober. They are full of regret, and share snippets of things they did drunk, and are trying to accept sober. What’s interesting is almost everyone in the room will be nodding their head in agreement as their story unfolds. We can relate to their pain because we did something similar, if not the exact same thing!

I saw a quote this week that grieved me. “I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.”

Do you know who said it? The late, great Robin Williams. How can a man who brought so much joy to millions of people, live in darkness? I’m guessing he kept it hidden from the world, and it took his life. For me, that would be the ultimate Regret.

Genie…You are now free.