When It’s Time

We learn from our surroundings.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw this hibiscus plant at the market. The price was marked way down because it’s at the end of it’s season. It looked so healthy and full of buds that I had to bring it home. It would be the last of the blooms.

The hibiscus displays one bloom a day.

It opens up to reveal it’s beauty all the way to the core and then politely closes at the end of the day. Even closed it’s beautiful, but it knows when it’s done. It doesn’t try to stay in bloom.

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Can you see the closed bloom to the left?

 

I feel as if I’ve bloomed quite a bit this year and maybe that’s why I’m embracing the change in season. I’m ready to not bloom for a while. To take a season of rest.

Not everything I planted in the yard this year bloomed. The cannas and trumpet vine along the fence bloomed once, but they’re happily growing. So maybe that’s it. We have to grow before we can bloom. We have to be fully ready to bloom.

We will bloom, when it’s time.

Happy day Beautiful Souls.

Feel the Music

I woke up this morning pondering the men that have passed through my life. I’ve loved them all, and still do on a certain level. As I began making changes last year, the tagline to this Blog changed, and I’m still standing firm in these words. “Let it all go, and see what stays.” God stayed.

Hoping in my truck earlier today, this song began playing on the radio. Maybe it doesn’t pertain to only the men, but everything I have let go of to bring me to this space today.

I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days,
I get a little bit stronger.

Thank you God for pulling me through, and making me stronger.

I’m Not Going

I’m not going to my appointment today.

There are two ways God knows He can get my attention. Money, and physical pain. God also knows I’m continually on the lookout for the next right thing being done. What happened yesterday, was not the next right thing for me.

My health insurance ran out in March of this year.

When I made the appointment with my breast surgeon a couple of weeks ago, the lady on the phone assured me that the cost of the appointment could be broken down into payments afterwards. A lady from the surgeons office called yesterday to tell me that the appointment would need to be paid in full at the time of service. Sorry, but no.

That is not what I was told when I agreed to come in.

That decision has placed me on a new path this morning.

Thank you for your love and prayers.

godsway

Turn the Page

It feels like a new chapter unfolding in our lives.

She wrote, and published her first Blog post today.

She has always been a gifted writer. Maybe that is why she encouraged me to begin this Blog years ago, because she knew how enjoyable it would be. It was a seed in her heart.

She’s had a WordPress account for over a year, and yesterday talked about writing a Blog. It made me smile. Today, she typed one up, added some of her beautiful photographs, and hit publish. I asked God to please let someone read it. It’s had several views, and likes. We needed this today, so glory to God, and thank you WordPress community.

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We Need You

I woke up this morning wanting to put the brakes on my life. Just for a few days. Everything happened so fast. The list of who I’ve seen and what has been done is huge. Tomorrow, the rubber hits the road. I get my port placement inserted very early. Austin is growing on me.

I went to see my doctor today. He is delightful, and has a sparkling attitude. He was going over the results of the MRI, with this puzzled look on his face. He said when they did the mammogram and ultrasound, they saw three other small satellites floating around the one mass. After reviewing the MRI, which is significantly more detailed, there were none.

No satellites. Just the one mass alone.

He looked puzzled, but it was no surprise to me. I flat out told him, “God is healing me!”

He smiled, nodded his head, still looking at the MRI and said, “Yes. We need God.”

Then I went to learn all about Chemo. This lady was delightful too! I had my book ready to take notes, and she chuckled. On her lap was this large binder of pages and pages, which were all going home with me. I put my book away. She started flipping through all the pages, and at first it was mild. She was telling me what I could expect from the medicines.

It was all good until she started talking about some negative effects of the combined Chemo. My face was priceless I’m sure as I looked at her and said, “Rebuke.”

I’m just walking up to doors on this journey. Tapping to see if they open. When they do, I walk through and see what the person on the other side has in store. God has lined up the most wonderful people for me. My doctor laughs and says, “You’re gonna be just fine.”

The lady in the Chemo department is excited about me being there. I noticed about 3/4 of the way through her stack of pages, she just stopped and put them up. She said she didn’t see any need to go over the rest because I was gonna be just fine. As I was leaving, she told me, “We’re gonna have fun! I’m so glad you’re here. We need you.”

God has me right where I’m supposed to be. After we left Austin, I stopped and bought this.

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That made everything more better. Goodnight Beautiful Souls.

 

 

God Is Real

I thank God every morning for waking me up and waking me up sober. He gave me my sobriety and I wouldn’t have the life I have today if I were still drinking. My daughter wouldn’t be here and I’m not certain that I would be either.

You know me as Letitgocoach and that is who I am. Maybe what you don’t know is, my name is Barb H., and I am an alcoholic. For almost 17 years I have been walking into AA meetings and saying those words. I don’t go to meetings for myself anymore. Being blessed with sobriety for this long, I go to see how I can be of service to others. My heart still breaks for the newcomer, as they sit in a meeting weeping. I cried at every meeting for 30 days when I began.

My story is not unlike anyone else’s. I started out a social drinker and entertained my then husbands business professionals, so I didn’t have to leave home to drink. He bought cases of fine wine and my favorite part of the evening was the clean up. Pouring all the leftover wine into one massive wine glass and drinking it. That sounds pretty disgusting now, being almost 17 years sober, but back then it was normal. The things we would do to drink.

tobymacA part of my story you don’t hear much anymore is, I had a spiritual awakening. Yes, I heard God’s voice as He spoke to me. God answered my cry for help and if that doesn’t sober you up, I don’t know what will.

It was obvious I was at the lowest part of my life. My husband of 10 years had given me an ultimatum. Get help or I’m leaving with our son. My body was down to an unhealthy weight of 98 lbs, which is not good for a woman almost 5′ 9″.  I needed help, but didn’t know where to turn.

The next morning, I popped my son on the school bus, made my way up the steep driveway and into the house. It was cloudy and dark outside which suited me to leave the house dark as well. I poured some wine into a short Tupperware cup and climbed up the staircase in the two story foyer. I sat at the top of the stairs just staring off into space.

Then came the tears and frustration. The knowing I could not live like this anymore. I was in my early 30’s and had been drinking like this since my teens. I looked up at the palladium window at the top of the foyer. The clouds were rolling by and I could barely see any light. All I knew to do was cry out to God for help, so I cried, “God, help me”!!!

caineLooking at the bottom of the stairs, I see a light coming through that window, landing in the foyer and touching the bottom stair. It started coming up the stairs straight toward me as I sat there frozen. It went right over me and I felt a warm hand pressing down on my left shoulder.

Then I heard a deep, soothing voice in response to my cry. The voice said, “I will.” That was it. Over, finished and complete. I was made new.

Standing up and trying to walk was next. I was pretty well shaken, plus a little hungover, but walked into the office where we kept a phone book. Searching for AA meetings, I called a hot-line that helped guide me to the closest one. That day I walked into the first of many AA meetings.

God took my desire to drink completely away. I don’t struggle with thoughts of drinking. We even continued to entertain for years after I got sober. It wasn’t always fun, but I enjoyed the fact that I could entertain and be able to remember it the next day.

My marriage didn’t make it. Drinking excessively during our dating on into our marriage, it makes sense, when you take away the alcohol, you wind up strangers. We tried for 12 more years to see if it would work, but we were two different people. He couldn’t forget the past and I was sitting in the present moment looking toward the future. He didn’t know what to do with a woman that didn’t drink and I didn’t know either. We just took it one day at a time.

This is the past that brought me to where I am today. The Letitgocoach is Barb H. and I am a recovering alcoholic.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 16 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Letitgocoach and help others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is working on her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com