Just Being Me

There is a reason it feels good to be loved when we are going through pain. That is why we go to a funeral home, to see the family of the deceased, to show them we care and help them through their loss.

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I love the way SC Lourie writes. It’s like her very soul breathes and forms words on paper. Plus, she begins each writing with the word, ‘darling’, in the opening line. Being from Texas, I find that to be sweet.

Do you ever feel accused of changing?

We do change, but I believe it’s a peeling process. God creates us to be whole and promises that we are enough. The outside world comes at us and our being can become hidden. Do we allow the world to change us, which is stealing our natural state of being, or do we continually look inside and release new parts of what was already there?

I believe love is very healing. No matter what has happened in our past, if we can come to terms with who we really are, and love ourselves, healing begins. To let go of every negative feeling and thought, and what other people think and say about us. To get to know your one true self and be good with sitting in your own skin.

I look back at this journey I began a couple of years ago, and it’s miraculous seeing the life I have today. It’s not what I did so much as what I gave up. Letting go of past hurts, peoples words and opinions of me.

If they’re talking about the person they once knew, I’m not her anymore. I was in there all along, but time, love and patience is bringing her out to bloom. I had to stop being what others wanted me to be, and just be me.

A Full Heart

Cleaning house is like therapy for me. It might be a few days before I get around to it, but once I do, I find my center. Just doing something with a positive outcome like mopping, vacuuming or dusting, brings things into focus.

The shower has the same effect.

Maybe God has something about cleaning because He has me in one spot for a moment and I’m able to listen. Mopping the floor today, I was enjoying the beauty of the wood. Each slab is unique and has it’s own design. I don’t have it covered up with a rug, but it did bring to mind a rug I used to have.

It’s at my ex husbands house, where I left a lot of stuff. He’s not using it, so for an instant, I toyed with the idea of asking him for it. It is a hugely expensive rug, rolled up collecting dust. It amuses me when I think of a material object from the past that I would like to have today.

It never works though. They just don’t fit where I am.

I completely understand the draw of holding onto the past. Whether it’s material objects, or people, it’s comforting. Pondering this today, I can’t think of  anything from my past that would bring me joy in my present.

The past is the past for a reason. It’s not healthy to live there and it’s next to impossible to move on and grow. When I was able to let go and clear my heart and mind, there was room for growth.

The more you clear the clutter of your past, the more room you have for new possibilities, and that leads to a full heart.