Tag: #planschange

The Bigger Plan

I had the plan. It was on my list for 2019.

Teeth fixed. √

Every time I’ve stepped into this plan of having my teeth fixed, it’s not gone as planned. Not my plan anyway. I was trying to save this one tooth and my Dentist was scheduled to remove the old filling and replace it with new. That was the plan and what I was prepared for in my mind.

He’s removed all the bad teeth and he’s stabilizing to replace. After he removed the filling, he decided it best to pull the tooth. The left side of my face was completely numb and I couldn’t feel a thing, but once he sat back in his chair, I knew what he meant.

Now Barb.

I freaked.

plans

I asked him to give me a minute and he left the room to check on another patient. Time to get my mind right, so I began taking deep breaths in and out. When he came back in I was ready to close my eyes and pray.

This wasn’t my plan, but it’s working toward the bigger plan. After he extracted the tooth, he announced that we could proceed with building the replacement teeth once the gum has healed. That’s great news!

There is growth in the process.

The Dentist has put me in this situation before and the first time it happened, I got up and left. At least I stayed still this time and it’s behind me. Onward to the bigger plan!

Not My Plan

I-may-not-have-gone-where-I-intended-to-go-but-I-think-I-have-ended-up-where-I-needed-to-be-5

I have so enjoyed my three week break from Chemo. It caused me to be pensive, and think about what I want to do next. Yes, I know by now, my plans are not necessarily His plans.

Did I plan on getting a divorce 3 years ago? Better yet, did I plan on my marriage becoming unrecognizable 15 years in, and me staying an additional 10? No, that was not my plan.

Did I plan on moving to the country with my daughter when she turned 13, and raising her alone? Nope. That wasn’t my plan either.

Did I plan on being diagnosed with Breast Cancer near the beginning of 2016, and spend a year focused on that? Well, that was not my plan, but maybe my worst nightmare.

You know what? All these things, and more, have put me exactly where I need to be.

Catching glimpses of my new self during this break, I often pondered what I would be like with Chemo completely out of my system. The doctor assured me there would be no lasting effects of Chemo Brain. My mind would clear back up, once the Chemo was gone.

My daughter says, “You may not be as physically strong as you once were, but you have a new strength.”

Everything we go through in this life, takes a certain measure of strength. Where I get into trouble is depending on my own strength to get me through. That doesn’t work very well.

God wants us to depend on Him, and pull from His strength. I can feel the difference, and I would much rather trust, and rely on Him to pull me through. Just like trying to plan my life. I can look at what He has given me, writing being one, and use it to the best of my ability.

Allowing myself to be used by Him through my writing is even better. That is when my plan, coincides with His plan, and my options are endless. Let’s roll with that plan.