Tag: present moment

Farewell to Who I Thought I Was

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It’s Saturday morning in the first week of October and my home is so still and quiet, one could hear my stomach grumble.

I’m supposed to be attending a Jack Canfield, Breakthrough to Success weekend workshop. I was invited by someone who doesn’t know me very well, but sees me as motivated. Friday was the first day I attended, but it reminded me of a Richard Simmons workout, as the spokesman was trying to get the audience pumped up and motivated before Jack appeared.

It was a revelation that my nervous system couldn’t handle the energy of the environment created by the motivational speaker, but 20 years ago I thought I wanted to be him. Now I realize you can make an impact quietly.

Friday, I met a friend for coffee and on the drive over I asked myself if there were any problems in my life that needed to be resolved. The only thing that came to mind was that morning catching the dog with his head in the litter box, eating cat poop. He knew that was not acceptable as soon as he was caught, so that problem had passed. I shared this with my friend and we had a hearty laugh.

Finding people to love and to be loved is connecting with the chosen few who align with your kind of weirdness.

I’m making shifts, creating space, and purchased a book of blank pages to write the next chapter. I’m officially letting go of Letitgocoach, but continue to write. Letitgocoach became a name that others knew me by, but there’s no desire to fill those shoes. It was something I had to prove to myself that I could get certified and did, only to place another check mark on the ‘done’ list.

When I talk with people in my life today, they say, “Tell me about Barb’s world”, and I smile. I’ve been writing on that WordPress site, but want to share with you…I’m letting go of who I was thought to be, and to simply be. Thank you for your love and kind words of support through the years.

You are welcome to join me Inbarbsworld.

The Next Chapter

Feed Your Soul

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It’s hard for me to disappoint people and be okay with it. I felt the need to step away from one of my jobs for the weekend, but that means the weekly newsletter won’t go out. Of course I could sit here and push through to get it composed and scheduled, but my thought all week has been, “What condition is your soul in, Barb?”

Over the years I’ve often remembered a song by TobyMac where he sings, “I don’t wanna gain the whole world and lose my soul.” I’ve always wanted to impact people’s lives in a positive way, but what they don’t tell you as you’re pouring into other people’s lives, there’s a balance. To all my world changers out there, take time to pour into your own world.

A photo shared with my daughter last night.

Reading Simple Abundance this week has fed my soul. What she’s writing about is precisely where I am. Examining every piece that makes up my world and asking it, “Are you pretty and useful, or just pretty useful?” As there’s almost another decade in the rearview, there’s still purpose burning deep inside.

I’m going through items in my home room by room with that question in mind. I moved a large piece of art I’ve had for years from my bedroom to the kitchen and it’s like it has new life. I’ve learned that plants love light, but aren’t happy sitting on the window sill in the heat, so, why do I still have one sitting by me on the sill looking miserable?

Because I like it there. The container it’s in is a gorgeous deep jade, but there’s not enough energy for it here where I sit and type, so we’ll move it to another room until we find the balance of light and energy it needs. I moved it to the kitchen near the window, but now I have an empty space beside my desk. I’m learning to be good with spaces.

I followed the words of Simple Abundance and am listening to the soundtrack of Out of Africa, and it feeds my soul. I refuse to look at any work related apps until Monday, and am pondering how I want my coffee this a.m. Will it be a pour over, or Chemex?

When my daughter asks, “What are your plans for the weekend?”, I’ll swiftly respond…”Whatever feeds my soul.”

The Flower Cart

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Lastnight, my daughter opened the backdoor and gasped. There was a Tarantula perched on the doorframe outside. I’ve seen them in stores, and know people have them as pets, but to see one that closeup was exciting to say the least. Then my daughter said, “They’ve always been out there. We’ve just never seen one until now.”

This morning, while it was cool and overcast, I spent some time cleaning up the yard. Just straightening things up, kind of like we do inside the house, but this was outdoors. I had sat the empty flower cart up against the fence for Winter, but it was time to pull it out. Even sitting empty it emanates character. It’s one of those vintage pieces you wish could talk and tell you where all it’s been.

I wanted to move it out into the yard, but didn’t know where. Then it was like God showed up beside me and pointed out a good place for it. I rolled it across the yard and positioned it in a barren spot covered in yesterday’s birdseed. Walking away I thought, “That’s a good place. The birds can use it as a perch while taking turns to eat the seed below,” and went on with my day.

I finished washing the dishes and stood by the kitchen window gazing at the flower cart. That’s when I noticed a Blue Jay sitting on the handle checking it out. He hopped down to the bed of the cart, and then onto the ground to eat some seed. It was exactly as I’d envisioned, but if I wouldn’t have taken that pause at the window, I would have missed seeing what God had planned all along.

Have faith there’s a plan, and God will use anything to show us. Today, He used the flower cart.

The feature photo is a notecard created by artist David Arms and you can view his work here.

The Warning Signs

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In previous years, my path has been altered for me by an increase in rent. If I couldn’t afford the increase that was a sign, it was time to move on. God has blessed me with two jobs I’ve grown to love, so I’m grateful that’s not the case today. With new construction popping up all over our neighborhood, I came to a crossroad and it looks something like this.

Do I want to stay? If so, for how long?

You see, you have to take note of the warning signs, and there have been quite a few! I was talking with my friend on Marco Polo and she began recounting the signs we’ve seen since last year. When I told her my rent increased she said, “Just in case you need one more sign Barb, here it is!”

Last year one of my favorite neighbors moved back home to Kentucky. I’ve written about her in She’s That Neighbor, but we keep in touch and remain close to this day. Right after she moved, a builder removed the woods next to our houses, which was mentioned in A Moment’s Notice.

I paid attention, but to really drive it home, the washing machine flooded onto the floor, and right after we got that fixed, the dryer broke. (These appliances are less than 4 years old) The most recent thing that happened was a puff of smoke emitted from behind the stove while it was preheating.

I was listening in the stillness when these words rose up. “Start where you are and with what you have.” Looking at the items we’ve accumulated over the years, I began asking myself, “Do I love it and is it useful?” I can begin by blessing others, and keep my eyes open for more of the warning signs.

Acknowledge the Good

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A couple of years ago I posted about a gratitude jar. The jar I’d begun using became needed elsewhere, so I took all those little slips of paper, and placed them in an empty Voluspa jar. Last December, I sat down in the middle of my bed with the jar, and read each one.

I remembered cutting paper into strips, writing something I was grateful for, and placing it in the jar. The jar wasn’t very full, because walking by it isn’t enough. I have to pause long enough to write something down. It’s funny, but I was the most grateful for sunlight. The unfolding of each piece of paper and reading what it said, felt like a ritual. I refolded each one and placed them in a baggie for the jar to be used as a vase.

One of my most loved books by Julia Cameron is The Sound of Paper. I don’t know which I love more, the book itself, or it’s title, because I’m enamored by the sound and feel of paper. I want to experience that year-end ritual again, so I started a new jar, in hopes that by this December it will be packed full. The key is to sit it where it doesn’t fall into the background of the everyday, so it’s by my bedroom window waiting, every time I enter.

Empty Voluspa jar.

Here’s some examples of how often I see this jar.

  • First thing in the morning, while opening the drapes.
  • When I walk back in to make my bed.
  • Sitting on the floor, during meditation.
  • When I pet the cat who’s lounging in the morning sun.
  • To plug in my phone for charging.
  • While getting dressed, or anytime I retrieve something from the closet.
  • Anytime I’m in my room gazing out the window, the jar is there.
  • Running the vacuum through the room.
  • Closing the drapes at nightfall.

Some days I’m overwhelmed by goodness, while other days, I need a magnifying glass to see it. No matter if it’s a lot, or just one thing, there’s always something to write on a sliver of paper and place it in the jar.

Pause… breathe… and acknowledge the good.

Feel the Music

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I’ve debunked numerous rules of life I’ve come to live by. One being this Blog. My ‘day’ to post Feel the Music is usually Sunday, but I wrestle with choosing a particular day to post. It causes a sense of pressure to perform, and writing is a gift, not a performance.

I didn’t realize Keifer Sutherland could sing until last week. A friend posted this to her Facebook page, and I’m inspired to share. As you go through your week, be mindful of what you lay your heart and hand to, and above all else my darling, may it be something you love.

Keifer Sutherland-Something You Love

Gratefulness

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It doesn’t take much to keep me happy, or content. Recently I noticed myself walking through the house at night barefoot and felt gratefulness. I haven’t done that in years.

My daughter and I have lived in houses nestled atop farmland. With farmland comes critters and at night a scorpion would sometimes make it’s way into the house. We learned quickly not to walk to through the house barefoot at night and carrying a flashlight was a necessity. If you saw something move across the floor, scream for assistance.

I became good at determining the various intensities of “Mom?!!!” She would stand still keeping an eye on the critter, as I retrieved a glass to sit over it. Once our heartbeats resumed normalcy, we’d devise a plan. It was a Team effort walking through the house at night, but today it’s thrilling to walk barefoot and not have to stare at the floor.

I’ve learned quite a bit about gratefulness and it doesn’t always begin as a positive impact. It doesn’t come gushing into our hearts and lives like gratitude. Gratefulness for me normally disguises itself as disappointment. When we pause in that moment and peel back the layers for a more in-depth look, we will see that in the end it was all a part of a greater plan.

Last week, a friend of mine posted a Duster style jacket on Facebook that was for sale in her shop. It caught my eye, and I gave myself the weekend to think about it, but vowed to stop by on Monday knowing I’d be in that part of town. I was excited to see the Duster and envisioned myself taking it home. When I walked into her shop, I saw the display hanging on the wall, like in the picture, but the jacket didn’t look the same. Maybe the original jacket sold because the one on display wasn’t my taste at all.

I left the store jacketless, but right alongside it came gratefulness.