Today is one of those days you just go with the flow of the day itself. My daughter came home yesterday, and will leave tomorrow. She has a busy couple of weeks ahead, thanks to her father, but the last thing I told her lastnight was…
We will get through it. We always do.
One of my faves taken 9/19/2015.
Once my daughter painted her room, it prompted a change in mine. My bedroom is already a color, and it’s a pleasant neutral, so this is not a need. It’s been a slow burning want.
My favorite color has always been Red, but I surprised myself.
Walking into my room with two paint samples. One was a good, solid red, and the other was a pale version of red. After trying each on the wall, I chose the softer one. It feels good.
Courtesy of Shades of Pink
This morning, this photo came up on my Facebook news feed.
It was posted by one of my favorite pages called Shades of Pink. I have settled into no social media apps on my phone. Checking it via laptop a couple of times a day is sufficient.
Melody Beattie’s words that resonated today are:
“Stay open to every opportunity.” (Doing that)
“If you’re tired, rest. If you’re sad, cry.” (Did that)
“Let destiny have it’s way with you.” (Thought-provoking)
Right before falling asleep lastnight, I read this. “Maybe that relationship that made you doubt yourself so much came along to help you learn to listen to and trust your inner voice.”
I’m not bold Red. Presently, I am various Shades of Pink.
I started writing a Blog lastnight, but again didn’t publish it. With this 30 day challenge, I’m learning I can write anytime of day. Mama always said, “Nothing good happens after midnight.” Well, in my mind there is nothing publish worthy after 9:00 pm.
This is what’s happening in real-time. I’m sitting at the dining room table at Smith’s house, listening to my favorite CD, drinking coffee from a red mug, and looking out the sliding glass doors at the lake. It rained lastnight, and brought in fog, so the lake is not visible yet. I know the lake is there, but I cannot physically see it. Does this sound familiar?
This reminds me of this path of life we’re on. We know we have one, but we can only see so far ahead. God gives us just enough light for the step we’re on. We take a step, and there is more light, but just enough for that step. Sitting here this morning, I wish to see more steps.
You can see how bright the light is over the lake. The sun is trying to burn away the fog, and restore a visual of what’s there. God is in that ball of fire. He wants us to trust Him even when we cannot see very far ahead. To enjoy the present moment, but keep stepping.
Some ducks swam across the lake, as I made more coffee, and ate a piece of chocolate covered caramel. It would seem I’m on a path with many detours, but they all lead back to my heart. During the week I am in my little farmhouse, sharing a life with my daughter.
The weekends, I’m usually at the lake with Smith. He is a Chef, and normally has to work on Saturday’s. He’s at work right now, and there is a void where his presence is absent. If he was here, I can see him sitting on the couch trying to find some football on TV. My laptop and I would move to another room and continue writing in a more serene space.
He would come and find me periodically, and make himself known. I can feel him walk into the room, and he may touch me, but he wouldn’t disturb my writing. He enjoys that I write, and encourages me with that. He also tolerates being the subject from time to time.
The sun is becoming brighter as I finish up this Blog. It will be time to start repacking my things, load up my truck, and head to Radiation. Today will be #22 out of 30 treatments.
I was tempted to call and cancel today’s appointment, but that would just prolong the inevitable. Once Radiation is complete, I will have more options. My daughter is staying with her Dad until tomorrow, so it’s very tempting to stay one more day here at the lake.
I used to know where home is. Over time of driving back and forth, I’m not really sure anymore which house is home. For some time now, when I return to the little farmhouse, and walk inside, it feels like a house. My daughter gets there, and it feels more like home, but there is still a void. I find myself each day looking forward to going back to the lake.
Smith is the most patient man I have ever met. He has been waiting for me to decide when to bring all these paths together as one big path, and the three of us to live this life together. Home is where your heart is, and today it’s in this lake house, but getting ready to leave once again. I believe it’s time for me and my heart to decide, which way is home.
I slept through the night. That in itself is a miracle. I woke up thinking about a Blog I wrote lastnight before bed entitled, Change In Season. I wanted to pull it up, and delete it because I wasn’t happy with it. Since when is this Blog about me? I just write what’s on my heart.
The next thing I thought of was what day it is. It’s Tuesday, but I don’t have Chemo. Week two begins of the three week break. There is no feeling of dread this morning. No dark cloud following me around. It’s a new day full of possibilities, and more healing for my body.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about life it’s this. There is a reason, and a season for everything. Now, God doesn’t reveal the reason for the season in the beginning, but when it’s over, you will know why. Let me encourage you to be present in the season you’re in.
A season can last a long time. I have a friend that has been battling Breast Cancer a lot longer than me. To look at her circumstances, it seems to be getting worse, and not better. Let me tell you that God gives His biggest battles, to His toughest soldiers. When her battle is over, it’s going to be obvious that God did for her what she couldn’t do for herself.
I have another friend that is in a season of quiet. She doesn’t feel she is being used by God.
This woman has been used by God her entire life. She introduced me to a church that reconnected me to God, and she was my daughter’s Nanny for a short time. She brought joy and laughter to our lives, and years later, she still does. When you are in a season of quiet, that stinkin Devil will walk in and make you doubt every aspect of your life.
I have been in a season of quiet for a long time. Going through Chemo has made it challenging to write. The toxins alone mess with your mind and body, and give ample opportunity for the devil to kick you while you’re down. Not today Satan. Not today.
I started questioning my mission, and pondered maybe I should stop writing. Am I reaching people, or helping them in any way? I have to believe that God will use this Blog to encourage others. Even if I don’t see a lot of comments, or hear from people as often as I would like. I’ve always had a big mouth, and I’m not afraid to use it. Even if I just reach one.
That same friend that isn’t feeling used by God, took time to encourage me yesterday.
She said she is always encouraged by my Blog. She has said in the past that she always gets something out of it, and sometimes it feels like it’s written specifically for her. Well my friend if your are reading this, let me assure you that God is still using you. The writer over here that was doubting her ability to write again, has just written another Blog.
I would love to hear about the season you are in. Feel free to share in the comment section.
Barbara is a God follower, a Writer, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com
I backslid this morning and went down to the corner store for a cup of coffee. I’ve barely had any coffee with this round of Chemo. The trip to the store wasn’t about coffee after all.
Three days ago, I wrote a Blog and mentioned a song by Phillips, Craig, and Dean. Randy Phillips have been associated with a church in Austin, TX called Promiseland for years. Standing at the counter of the store this morning, a lady walked up and started talking to me. I had met her before, and it was such a blessing just to take the time to catch up.
We walked outside, and she said something that quickly got my attention. She asked if I was familiar with Promisland Church Austin, and I told her yes. They are bringing a satellite church September 11th to Lockhart, TX. Literally 10 minutes from where I live. We exchanged phone numbers and made plans to go together. So glad I went for that coffee.
This is how God moves in my life.
I saw this Meme earlier this week and saved it. Didn’t really know why at the time, but today, it makes sense. I noticed that this round of Chemo was trying to kick my butt. I’ve been on a vicious cycle of eating, and sleep the week of, and my quality of life was suffering.
My daughter was visiting a friend last weekend, and this gave me time to ponder who I wanted to be, versus who I was becoming. I was allowing my current circumstances to dictate my quality of life. This was crap. I am better than this, so Monday morning things changed. I made a list of what I wanted to accomplish and started working on the list.
I’ve acquired a new curiosity for life. The things I listed are things God has shown me, that I had put on the back burner due to lack of energy. It was time to look at what I wanted, who I wanted to be, and get to work. My body has been through hell, and I’ve been caring for the inside with good nutrition. It was time to show some care to the outer shell, so Yoga began.
I started doing Yoga 3 years ago and loved it. It makes my body happy, and I’m a firm believer in using your body to strengthen itself. This lead to reading more about it, and downloading some other books that I’ve been curious about. Strengthening the mind, and body so to speak. I got everything accomplished on my list, so today we have a new one.
Rebuilding myself from where I am today. People have often said to me, “Keep fighting.” That sounded strange because it didn’t feel like a fight. The Chemo was fighting the Cancer, but I discovered what I was fighting for was my life. Not to get lost in the circumstances, and not to become my circumstances. I am not the same woman I was in March. I am better.
I said to someone yesterday, “This has been a remarkable journey.” He said, “I’ve never heard it described that way before.” That is probably true because it’s easy to let the Chemo become bigger than you. Get curious about life again. Muster up all the strength you have and use it to start over. This journey is coming to an end, but it took me straight to a new one.
Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com
My daughter went to visit a girlfriend Friday evening, and she’s coming home today. I was all alone, but I wasn’t lonely. There is nothing wrong with alone time, and sometimes it’s much needed. We are the only person we actually have in this world, so we need to like us.
I read a comment earlier by a lady on Facebook, and it took me back in time. She has been in an unhappy marriage, for 30 years, and just couldn’t take it anymore. I was in a marriage for 25 years, and I remember that feeling. Once I made the decision to leave, it was like everything lined up in the Universe, and it all fell into place. It wasn’t easy, but so worth it.
I believe this Meme to be true. I couldn’t see any way out of that marriage. All I saw were roadblocks, and impossibilities. I had no money to speak of, and no family to help, but God had a way. The first thing on my list, was to find a place to live. My daughter found a house for rent an hour away from where we lived. It was like the owners were just waiting for us.
We moved in 30 days later, and my daughter and I relearned how to relax, and enjoy life.
That became part of my mission. To show people they can have a beautiful life after 50. I believe some think 50 years old is too late to start over, but it’s not. If anything it’s rather sweet to have all this life experience, and start your life over. I’ve done less stupid things.
Doing what I see possible, hands the baton to God to do the impossible.
Stress is worrying God can’t do His job . When we depend on Him, and trust His plan, there is no stress. Unless we decide to stress ourselves out with the unknowing of it all. As I was sitting alone yesterday, I reminded myself, everything I need comes from God, not man. He promises to never leaves us, or forsake us, and I believe our part is to never leave Him.
Something else I thought of as I sat alone, was a song by Phillips, Craig and Dean. “You Are God Alone“, is the name of the song. I love the lyrics, and will share some of the with you.
You are not a god
Created by human hands
You are not a god
Dependent on any mortal man
You are not a god
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that’s just the way it is
[Chorus]
You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
Your are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone
From before time began, God was God alone. He is not in need of anything from us, because He is God. I love the way it says, “That’s just the way it is.” No explanation needed. Even in my alone time, I am not alone. My hope is that you know, even if you feel alone, you’re not.
Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com
I am yearning for more. I am grateful for where I am, and what I have, but my heart, and soul are telling me there is so much more in store. Ephesians 3:20 says, “Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” I’m a thinker, and I ask a lot from God, but He says more than I could ask or think.
I’m reading a book by Melody Beattie, and want to share this simple meditation to help set your intention for the day. Yes, I do believe what you pray and meditate on, will eventually come to pass.
♥…♥…♥…♥…♥…♥…♥…♥…♥…♥…♥
“Create the perfect day each day. In the morning, before you get out of bed, or while you’re drinking your coffee or tea, spend a moment thinking about what the perfect day would be like for you. No, we’re not in control, but we can help create enthusiasm, excitement, and passion in our lives. Projecting positive thoughts, and images can be important part of our prayers.”
“Touch for a moment on some ideas that would be meaningful for you throughout the day. What would feel good? What would make your heart happy? Then, surrender control.”
“See what life has in store. Enter fully into each experience, and emotion that comes your way. At the end of the day-whether what you projected happened or not-take time to thank God for giving you the perfect day.”
Excerpt from, “Finding Your Way Home: A Soul Survival Kit,” by Melody Beattie
“A writer needs to write”, they say. This is true. I think of something to write about almost everyday, but it rarely ends up here. As a writer, I get focused on sounding eloquent, or making sure there is true meaning to my words. They also say, “Write. Even if it doesn’t make any sense.” You may be seeing some of that soon. My life doesn’t make a lot of sense.
I have a sister who is ten years older than me. Ten years ago, she went through the same kind of Breast Cancer I have. It even occurred the same time of year. The doctors know more now, so my journey is easier than hers. She started sharing a list of things not to do during Chemo. I just laughed and said, “Oh, I’ve already done all of that. Thanks though!”
The sun is not your friend. I used to love to soak up the sunshine, and just feel it penetrate my skin. I did that after one of my Chemo Treatments, and paid the price for two days after.
Do not Google your symptoms, or any side effects. I love Google, and use it all the time, but for Chemo? Google is not your friend. They list every side effect imaginable, and there are some horror stories out there. I was terrified of the thought of Chemo, and then I read a comment, “Cancer doesn’t kill. Chemo does.” I was done with Google, and would call my doctor if needed.
I believe God has given me a relatively easy path through this, so I can share with others.
There will be things you need to modify. It’s all about your body, and what it’s going through. It’s time to listen to, and be kind to your body. Pretty much every little thing you did before Chemo, you will be grateful for afterwards. I have a lot of gratitude for what it has shown me, and you can read more about that here. You will get through this, and be better for it.
It’s ‘body over mind’ time Beautiful Souls.
I drug my 50 lb. fully loaded trashcan down the driveway, and to the street just like before. Once was enough. I thought my heart would explode.
I sat out in the sun for 20 minutes with my daughter. It completely drained me for two days.
When your body says, “Stop”, just stop and stretch out across your bed. It needs to rest.
The main thing is to pour more goodness into the body, than poison. Chemo stays in your system for 48 hours, and then leaves, so be careful the day of, and two days after. Eat small meals of goodness. Fruit, veggies, good cheeses, with crackers. Do you buy those Goldfish crackers for your kids? Eat them all. Parmesan Goldfish taste delightful right after Chemo.
I drink a ton of liquid nutrition. It has been my very best friend, and you can find that here.
If you, or someone you know is going down this Chemo path, please feel free to share. The path may not look beautiful at first, but this has been the literal ride of my life. #grateful
Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com
Today’s magical word for me is ‘Enoughness’. I love taking words such as, Awesome, and Fabulous, and adding ‘ness’ to them. Then you have Awesomeness and Fabulousness!
Let’s look at Enoughness. Leo Babuata of Zen Habits, is one of my Hero Writers. He inspires me, and prompts me to think. Leo has been writing for 25 years. I’ve been struggling with writing thanks to Chemo, because it fogs the brain. I want to write everyday, but it’s a challenge. I’m whining after not even 3 years of writing, so thank you Leo for continuing to write, and inspiring us babies.
I have found over the years, that God has given me more than enough. Am I happy with what I have? I am overjoyed! Simplifying my life has brought me tremendous freedom!
How can less be more than enough? Time, patience, gratitude, and God.
I am free to dream. What are those dreams? Well, one is writing. God has opened the door, just recently, for me to pursue another life-long dream. I will share more about that later. Focus Barbara.
Yesterday was my 12th Chemo Treatment, and now I will enjoy a 3 week break. I am so excited! Hopefully, the time off from Chemo, will allow me to practice my writing skills. You will see more of me, and in different ways.
To stay in practice, I have posted what’s on my heart, on my Letitgocoach Facebook Page. A writer has to write, so even though they are small, they are being well received. Thank you.
So, back to Enoughness. All I needed to start Blogging was a laptop. Well, that was easy enough. Looking around at my life, I always have what I need, when needed. The other day, my daughter needed a Sharpie. I knew we had to have one, I just wasn’t sure where. Looking through all the drawers to no avail, I opened a cabinet, to pull out a bowl. There was the Sharpie. It had fallen from the back of the drawer, and landed in the stack of bowls below.
Gratefulness. Staying grateful for everything God has given us. Even that Sharpie.
My mind is shutting down, so I leave you with Leo’s wisdom. This is his Blog about Enoughness, which I hope you will take a minute to enjoy. “All You Need, You Already Have.”
Much love. ❤
Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com
I looked at my bed, after getting out of it recently. Half of it is smooth, and still made; almost untouched. I lay the covers back to get out, and you can see only one person sleeps there. It made me wonder what other areas of my life, resemble my bed. I’m an overthinker.
It made me think back, when God opened the door, for me to leave my marriage. My daughter was looking for houses available for rent. The house God led us to, on 40 acres, had one ginormous bedroom. I paused and considered if that was a good idea. That house was 795 square feet in size, but was perfect for us. It was exactly what we needed, and when.
It was close quarters, so we were always near one another. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
We took what we loved, and what was necessary, to our new home. We took her bed, and I left the other one there. We slept in the same bed, and we learned to stay on our own side. It amazes me what your mind can train your body to do. Even after I bought a new bed, over a year later, my body still chose to sleep on it’s own side, just like she was still there.
Lastnight, I sprawled out.
It also made me think how I had trained my body to sleep before I went to the doctor. The lump in my breast was painful, and I went from lying flat on my back, to one side, to eventually sitting up to sleep. It gradually intensified each day just to see how much pain I could take. Unfortunately for me, I can take quite a bit, but I finally surrendered and went.
I made a point lastnight, to lay on my stomach, with pillows propped under my head, elevating any pressure on my port. Then I sprawled out, and took up all of the bed I could.
It was a very freeing feeling, almost exhilarating actually. My body was extremely pleased with this new found freedom. It also made me think, “What other areas in my life do I need to sprawl out? What have I trained myself to live with? Where do I need to trust God more?”
The most obvious area is going through Chemo, and believing for His perfect healing in all this. I believe there are more areas though, so I get to dig deeper. Cake with icing for the overthinker. Prayer and meditation, and asking God to show me where I need to sprawl out.
Are you feeling this today?
He had me write it for a reason, so maybe it spoke to you. If so, I pray for us to ‘let go’ of who we have trained ourselves to be, and open our hearts to His plan for our lives. Just like Nike says, “Just do it,” we can say, “Let’s sprawl out.”
Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and has a pretty healthy obsession for chocolate. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was what stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com
