Love and Light

Today is her birthday and she turned 21.

She’s not here though. She’s in England.

It’s an odd feeling for both of us. We were texting the other night about her turning 21, and she said, “I wish I were five.” Well, my darling. I remember five, and wondered if I’d do anything different? Then she said, “We have a beautiful life.”

bayandmomo
Here she is at 5 years old.

She is the reason I started this Blog.

Just because I’m  taking a break from Blogging, doesn’t mean I cannot celebrate this day with you. The meaningful work-To serve the people I care about by writing another chapter. Let’s write more chapters.

One of my favorite pictures of us was right after we moved into our first home together. It was a tiny house situated on 40 acres of land. I kept her hook baited, while she fished from the pier. That pier is where I stood with God every morning before dawn. That was also the house that taught us how to kill scorpions.

We were walking to the truck, and you grabbed me for a selfie. We weren’t wearing any makeup, and I had forgotten to use eye drops that morning, but it was a moment. Even blurry-eyed, we have that ‘deep in your heart’ happiness. Our life felt groundless, as the only thing we knew we had was God, and He has us.

2014
March 2014

We’ve had chickens, kittens, dogs, and a baby duck live with us. You think it’s normal to hang a disco ball in an old oak tree. When we decided to move, I had to leave it there because it was infested with ants, but you bought a new one for here.

The light from the disco ball dances across the kitchen table where you sit, but today even though your chair is empty, the light is still there. Our life is made of love and light.

I’m here to wish you a spectacular birthday! It’s a new chapter and you’re holding the pen. Touch it to the paper my darling, and make it what you want. Feel and see the love and light.

theworld

On My Own

My daughter is out of town this week.

I’m trying to take care of myself without her. She’s in charge of protein shakes, and I’m coffee. This morning I had to make the protein shake by using the Ninja, on my own.

The Ninja blender is the best blender I’ve ever used. You could drop in an iceberg, and it would emulsify it. I nearly sliced my finger off the first time I cleaned it, so it’s had my respect ever since!

But, I did it. I began my day with protein, and then moved onto Chemex. She’ll be proud.

My daughter reads instructions. I’m a dedicated instruction reader when it comes to putting things together, and how to properly use machinery, but somewhere along life’s journey I stopped.

When my daughter is here she makes the shake, and I clean the blender, but I know better than to get anywhere near it’s blades.

I thought I was so smart squirting dish-washing liquid in, filling it with warm water, and turning it back on, like making a shake, but with bubbles.

After it runs for a while, simply rinse it, take it apart, and let it dry.

Ninjaclean

My daughter said, “Yes ma’am. That’s how you’re supposed to clean it. I read it in the instructions.”

I need to go back to reading the instructions. 😀

That is Enough

I was thinking about her comment while making the morning Chemex. It was in response to this meme I posted for SC Lourie.

She was having a hard time being a single Mom, but what stuck with me the most was, “I feel like I fail my children everyday.”

I want her to know, that’s so far from the truth my darling.

tuesday

I wasn’t paying attention to the pour of the Chemex. The boiling water hit the grounds too fast, and they slid down the filter in spots. It wasn’t pretty, but that’s what distraction does.

It was no big deal. I resolved to drink it, and if it bothered me too much, I’d make another one, because that’s what I do. Start over as many times necessary until satisfied with the end result.

chemex2
The Re-do

The only failure is not trying again.

Just show up, and keep trying your best. Start over as many times needed, and you won’t feel beaten. Kids watch what we do, but they don’t grade our performance. They don’t expect perfection from us, but I think we do. You woke up to a new day, and sometimes my darling, even that is enough.

Best Thing Ever

Earlier today, my daughter and I were talking about our little book of ‘Never Agains‘. Then she flipped the conversation around and began talking about the best thing ever. Like, the ginormous bag of cotton balls we purchased, just because it’s the biggest bag we’ve ever seen. (pillow size) We can always use cotton balls.

A couple of weeks ago, we were out shopping, and came across a Valentine’s Day display. It was in the kitchen area of the store, and my daughter fell in love with a little whisk. She’s uses her favorite whisk so often, we were questioning how much longer it would last.

I scooped up the whisk from the Valentine’s display as we continued walking through the store. I didn’t look at the price.

When we arrived at the self-checkout, we scanned it and stared in disbelief at the register display. The whisk cost $1.00.

whisk

Today, we flipped the book of ‘Never Again’s’ over and began writing ‘Always Again’s’, from the back of the book. This little book now has two covers. One is ‘Never’s’ and the other side is ‘Always’.  I’m curious to see where they meet.

The bag of cotton balls, and this whisk are written in the ‘Always Again’ side. As you can see, the hearts stamped on the handle are fading from use. It’s been loved.

Tonight I believe our little book, and what we’ve written in it, is the best thing ever.

The Fire Pit

To step outside and smell a fireplace going or a wood pile being burned. It’s a cozy smell this time of year.

In the post, Be at Home it was mentioned our house doesn’t have a fireplace, so I bought an electric one. That’s a wonderful option for inside, but it doesn’t have that real fire smell.

It was time to fix that.

firepit1

I had visions of sitting around a fire pit with my daughter. Her boyfriend lives in England, but he’s coming here for Christmas. I could see them sitting there in quiet moments of togetherness. Maybe a neighbor would be taking a walk and stop to get warm. The possibilities are endless.

I walked outside and took the lid off the pit.

My daughter came out and helped build the fire. We grabbed our cups of tea and part of my vision came to fruition. We sat by the fire and solved all the worlds problems. We discussed Christmas presents for her boyfriend and for one another. Some of the time we talked and some we just sat.

It’s important to be able to just sit in each other’s company. To enjoy the moment for what it is.

A neighbor walked over to say ‘hello’ and gave an inquisitive glance at the blazing fire. Maybe it’s odd to build one midday. When it was time for my daughter to get ready for her evening plans, she paused and said, “Today was so nice.”

firepit2

It was a moment.

I’m covered in ash and smell like smoke.

Stepping outside to make sure the fire was out in the pit, I smelled that familiar smell. This time my darling, I knew where it originated. The fire was out but the memories were still aflame. They began today around the fire pit.

This Will Help

I’ve watched it everyday this week. It’s the best part of parenting. To do what looks crazy and somewhat embarrassing, in hopes they secretly enjoy it enough to follow suit with their own kid one day.

If you need a smile my darling, this will help!

 

Keep Watching Darling

Life is what you make it.

I believe this with every fiber of my being. I watched my Mama do her very best and she watched hers.

It looked hard.

It’s how we see it. There’s options.

Choose wisely. Victim or victor?

Last week, my daughter witnessed my breaking point. I plopped down on the edge of my bed and had a good cry. My daughter wrapped her arm around me and lifted me up with these words. She said, “Next week is a new week. Make it what you want.”

A beautiful life is not easy.

Keep watching darling.

abeautifullife

It’s Been Fun

A little role reversal occurs as they get older. My daughter said, “I want you to eat this weekend and that doesn’t mean only coffee.” 🙂

This morning, my daughter and I were laughing at some of our moments over the past six years. She has quotes from me stored in her phone. What’s even worse is she also has videos. Both are hilarious, but that’s been our life. 

We laugh so hard we cry!

Today, I was looking at my memories on Facebook. The pictures from 2013-2015 were so blurry. It was the beginning of our life alone together and I didn’t know then what I know now. Life was blurry and so were my pictures.

sunrisemcdade

It’s crazy what we went through while living in that house, but that’s what we were laughing about this morning. We’ve learned and don’t want to go through any of that again.

A life with no regrets can look and sound rather crazy, but it’s been worth it.

When we stopped laughing, I asked her, “Are you going to be able to use any of this?” She was happy we were referring to the past and said, “Nope, but it’s been fun.”

starbucks
No regrets.

There’s No Rush

The hibiscus in my previous post has another bloom. It was just starting to open, but I wondered how quickly it would bloom, so I snapped this picture to capture the moment.

bloom

Each morning, I take a moment to step out on the front porch to assess my surroundings. They are a reflection of the care given and attention received. Whether that be a garden, or the people living within our realm.

My daughter hit a milestone in adulting.

She rolled the trash and recycling cans back down the driveway to their designated area. I didn’t ask her to. She just knows it’s a part of being an adult, so she did it. They were not sitting behind our vehicles this morning.

I’ve waited a long time for this.

My daughter knew I would be leaving the house early, so she cleared the path. She knows what it’s like to back into them.  🙂

She does so many things within our home without me asking. She has watched and realizes a beautiful life is in the details. I see the details falling into her life. Her bed is usually made long before mine.

I want my daughter to slow down and enjoy this beautiful life. I found myself responding to people this week with, “There’s no rush.” I wanted everyone to stop rushing. I think she’s getting it because I’m beginning to hear her respond to others with, “There’s no rush.”

hurryingorworrying

There’s something about saying those three words out loud to someone, it bounces back and has a calming effect. There’s no need to say it if I’m not willing to do it as well.

The Hibiscus opened ever so slowly. Even with blooming my darling, there’s no rush.

Pretty is Important

It was time to order coffee. I love Bluebottle coffee and their Hario Cold Brew Bottle.

I asked my daughter to choose what kind. She sat down in front of the computer and looked at the website. Walking into the kitchen I said, “Pick one out and put it in the cart. I’ll handle the rest.” Then she snagged me with…

“I wish everything in life was that easy.”

She’s had a rough couple of weeks.

inside

This weekend, I spent some time being mindful of what might make her life a little bit better. Earlier this week, we had started a puzzle on the coffee table thinking it would help, but it was really challenging. Puzzle is gone.

She loves my bedroom makeover I wrote about in Under the Bed. Especially the faux fur body pillow case I bought at Target. There was a white faux fur one I thought she’d like, but didn’t get.

I must really love that girl go to Target on a Saturday afternoon for a pillow case.

A couple of weeks have passed since purchasing mine and they had added more choices. Having so many choices makes deciding difficult, but follow your heart darling! I didn’t choose the white one. A pale pink, faux fur one spoke to me today.

While at Target I looked for something to put our cotton balls in. We have this ginormous bag of cotton balls and it’s a wrestling match with the bag to get one little ball out. This looks like something that can hold a lot of balls!

boxforballs

A woman was walking in Target as I was walking out. Her t-shirt said, “Tough as a Mother.” I smiled and thought, “Truth.”

My daughter loves that I cross stitch.

She saw a pattern on Etsy that made her smile, so I downloaded it. She knew I needed light avocado green thread to get the cross stitch started, but didn’t know the rest of the colors. While out running errands, she stopped at the craft store and came home with that one color.

After the week she had, I know what it took for her to walk in and find that one. I went this morning and bought the rest of the thread.

sloffee

But my most favorite find was this. I’ve never really thought about my toilet brush, or the holder. I’m sure the one we have now is a cheap plastic one we’ve probably had for years. That’s disgusting now that I think of it.

unicornbrush

It’s a Unicorn! I sent her this picture with the message, “They may not lick our windows, but they will clean our toilet!” She said, “Bahaha….Is that a toilet cleaner brush???” I’m happy at 20 years young, she knows what one is!

I’m grateful that our life is pretty all the way down to the toilet bowl brush. We live simply, but every little thing we have is pretty. Especially our hearts for one another. Pretty is important.