Mr. Smith and I have different taste in music.
He doesn’t listen to ‘radio’ music. He will sit at his laptop for hours, headphones in place, and dig until he finds what feeds his soul. I believe music is like a therapy session for him, and I’m all for that. Smith knows the true meaning of “Feel the Music.”
Recently, my daughter told me something that I could have taken the wrong way. She said something to the affect of, “I’m not sure you taught me good things growing up.” Here is her example.
While she was growing up, I didn’t want to get upset over a spill, or if she dropped something on the floor, and it made a mess. I enjoyed showing her the proper way to clean up the mess. Life can get messy, and it was my job to show her what to do if it did.
I’m her Mama, not her lifetime repair woman.
To make light of the situation, I would tell her, “After you clean up that mess, it will be the cleanest spot in the house!”, and that became our motto.
She was at a friends house helping them do laundry.
She spilled some laundry detergent on the carpet.
The detergent was blue, and the carpet was white.
She said as she was down on her hands and knees, scrubbing the carpet, she was shaking her head and laughing at my voice in her head! She said out loud, “This is going to be one heck of a clean spot!”
She had heard those words many times before.
We were newly on our own, and standing in the check out line of a grocery store. The check out line was always a stressful moment because she was hoping I had enough money to pay for the purchases. What she didn’t know was, I had already tallied them up in my head to avoid embarrassment.
She wanted to be helpful, and insisted on carrying the milk to the car. She looked so small, holding that gallon of milk. It was gathering condensation being out of the cooler, and was slippery. She was trying to hold onto it, but it didn’t take long for it to slip from her hands, and go crashing to the floor.
She was sure everyone in the store was looking.
The gallon of spilled milk looked more like a lake.
The cashier sympathized, and called for a clean up.
I placed my arm around my daughter’s shoulders and guided her mortified body to the exit saying, “That’s gonna be one heck of a clean spot.”
I love on people. That’s what I do. It’s scary to some.
I refer to almost everyone who crosses my path as ‘lovely’. If you’re a man, you will be called, ‘darling’. If I see you in person, you’re going to get a hug. In today’s world, this can be misinterpreted as flirting.
This is why it took so long for me to reply to comments. If you comment on my writing, you’re going to receive a bucket of love dumped on you. That’s just who I am, so consider yourself warned.
It’s my way of giving to the world through love.
I have a male Blogger friend with a lovely wife.
He commented on one of my posts, but when I responded, he was very quick to tell me how much he adored his wife. Haha I knew he was married, and respect what they have. Once he saw it’s who I am we became friends, and I adore him to this day.
What this Blogger did for me is immeasurable.
He let me practice responding to his comments.
We became soulmates in this virtual community. All of our comments were not published because they would be misconstrued. We encouraged one another to become our authentic selves. He hasn’t Blogged all summer, so I hope he’s writing a book.
Even though he’s not here, what he taught me is.
To the waiter in the restaurant, I say, “Thank you darling.” To the cashier behind the counter, “Have a glorious day lovely!” I can feel them being lifted up.
And to the soul reading this, ‘Welcome to my world’, but don’t be afraid. You’re supposed to feel loved.
When you leave a relationship/marriage, it’s important how you leave. When the day came for me to leave, I was thoughtful. We had spent half our lives together and I didn’t want it to look like a wreckage. He already felt like his world was ripped apart.
We have to show life how we want to be treated, so life knows how to treat us in return. Do the next right thing.
It was my choice to leave. He was in denial, and it took time for him to be okay with how things landed. The amount of time is per person.
My daughter and I discussed what to take with us. We didn’t need a lot of ‘things’, to make a new life.
We chose a few furniture pieces we loved, and wanted to live with. We still have those foundational pieces, but after we left, you couldn’t tell.
The cabinets held the most difficult choices.
We had collected a lot of beautiful things in our time together, but I wanted to leave some beauty. We collected pottery by Bill Campbell, and had full place settings by him. I left them in the cabinet. We had professional grade cookware, but I only took half.
We had two of a lot of things, so I left the one he liked best, all the way down to the measuring cups.
I couldn’t bring myself to pack up in front of him, so I waited until a few days before the move was scheduled, and packed. He stayed away during the move, but he hired movers to get us moved safely.
The moving truck arrived at our new home before my daughter and I did. They were on a schedule, so they unloaded the truck without us being there.
My daughter still talks about that day, and laughs about what we walked in on. Everything that was on the truck, was sitting in the middle of the house!
It looked like a big ball of furniture and boxes!
The movers looked at us and said, “We didn’t know where you wanted everything.” We didn’t know either, but in time we unraveled that big ball and created a world we wanted to live in, and we do!
Recently, I was at my ex husbands home, and he was at the kitchen sink washing some of those pieces that were left. He thanked me for leaving them, and especially his favorite measuring cup.
Time does heal. They just don’t tell you how long.
Be mindful of how you leave.
My daughter left yesterday to spend the weekend with her Dad. This morning, sitting where we usually sit together, I had an odd thought. “I’m gonna miss hearing, “I love you.”
I had an appointment to get to, but when it was over I Googled the nearest location of Bath and Body Works. When my daughter gets home Monday, I want her to know I was thinking of her. A couple of weeks ago, she walked into my bedroom and said, “Wow! It smells so good in here!” It was a new Wallflower of one of my favorite scents, but I unplugged it and put it in her room. It is now empty.
I’m really big on smell. It’s important, and it seems to be a large part of who I am. From giving people a hug, to someone walking into my home, it brings me joy to hear, “Wow! You smell good!”, or “It smells so good in here!”
It’s a combination of things. Our lotion is made by a woman locally, and smells amazing. Every now and then we wash our clothes in Tyler Wash, and that’s like washing them in perfume. It takes time for this to happen, but it’s pure magic when a room envelops a fragrance, and it fits that room. That is what happened when I gave my daughter the wallflower. It was my favorite scent, but became hers.
You want to stand in her room and inhale deeply.
Standing in front of the display of Wallflowers, it took a while to find the right one. Scanning the display for the name of the fragrance, my gaze froze when it landed on this. A candle was sitting to the left of the display, and I picked it up to purchase without even smelling it first!
Now, I can walk by the candle, see those words, and say it to myself. Smelling the candle burn, it sure smells like love.
My daughter left Saturday for Boston, and will not be home until Wednesday. Her father took her to see Harry Styles in concert. If you don’t know who Harry Styles is, he was the member of One Direction with the massive head of hair. If you don’t know who One D is, I don’t know what to say.
Here are some things I learned while she’s been gone.
*Kick up the self-care a notch. Take the Yoga class already!
*Buy the t-shirt you fell in love with the minute you saw it.
*Go to the coffee shop that re-opened, and encourage the owner.
*Start a Google search, and follow the trail. It leads to a book you wish to read during this quiet time. Call the local bookstore to see if they have it. They have ONE. Drive.
*On the way to the bookstore, stop at places you haven’t stopped in forever. Encourage the owners of the business, and the people working there. Tell them, “I appreciate you.”
*Smile at people. Be kind, and leave them with a smile.
*Hug someone when they least expect it.
*If you invite chaos into your life, take it back, and leave it.
*Use your voice if your heart is not happy. It may begin an avalanche, and your world may fall apart for a bit, but it will fall back together even better than before. Trust me.
*Clear off the giant coffee table, and use it to work a puzzle.
*Just be what you want to see. If it’s love, then be the love.
I walked into the bathroom, and there was the eye cream laying beside the sink. My daughter had left it for me, even though she normally takes it with her on the weekends. She knows I love that eye cream because it has shimmer in it, and it was a small, selfless act that showed great love.
My daughter returned home last weekend, and excitedly walked into her room. Normally, I spend the weekend doing small things all around the house to make our lives better, prettier, and more balanced. Her room might receive a new candle, or fresh flowers depending where I go that weekend. Last weekend, I stayed home and relaxed.
She said, “There is something different about my room, but I don’t know what it is.” Little does she know, I didn’t touch her room last weekend. It was exactly as she left it.
I’m working from home 7 days a week now, and it’s been an adjustment on many levels. We can still take time to care for one another, it’s just finding a balance. This weekend, I mopped the entire house, and you can feel the difference. I took the time to care for my daughter, even though she wasn’t here, but she will see it when she returns home.
I needed to strike a balance between work, and being present. The first week of the job, my daughter ran the errands, and figured out what was for dinner. She has enough to do, so this couldn’t last. This small act helped bring balance into our lives, and it was found in the kitchen!
How do you get away from the work when working from home? Step away, and walk into another room.
When I ran into an obstacle with a client, and needed to pause, I made cookies. By the time they went into the oven, God had revealed the solution. If the phone became quiet around 4:00, I started dinner. Choosing recipes I could walk away from if the phone rang. Some days, I let it go to voicemail, but returned the call after my break.
My daughter thanked me several times for cooking, and especially the cookies. She didn’t realize cooking was saving my sanity, and being therapeutic.
When she returns today, her sheets have been washed in the Tyler wash we have come to love. A candle is lit in her room, so it smells like home when she walks in. Just like leaving the eye cream for me to enjoy; taking the time to do small things for her, brings a smile to working from home.
