God, Mr. Smith

Excuse Me While I Rest

I woke up late. Actually, I woke up at 6:00 am, like normal, but I fell back to sleep. I haven’t been taking care of myself. Thanks to last years Chemo treatment for Breast Cancer, I now listen to my body, and how it feels. Once is enough on that one!

Stumbling into the kitchen, all I wanted was my coffee. Which, by the way, I have been drinking too much of recently. (My friends just fell over) If you’ve been with me the past few weeks, you have probably thought, “Did she really just say that out-loud?” Oh!!! But Wait!!! There’s more!!!! If I slow down.

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I walked into the kitchen, and noticed the coffee pot sitting there empty. I was so tired lastnight while preparing it, I forgot to push the button that allows it to automatically brew. It was ready, but it couldn’t fulfill it’s purpose because I missed the most important step! (Cussing) God was showing me, and it was early! Crap!

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A friend sent me this Meme days ago. My year of Breast Cancer taught me so much, I’m gonna write a book! God was right there, refining me through the fire! He has big plans, and for once I was still enough to hear Him! I love Connie Moore.

I finished Radiation earlier this year, and rested for a couple of months. It felt like it was time to start sharing, but I’ve always been overzealous. On April 17th, I wrote, Hey Satan! Dat You? God said, “Write that down Barb. That’s the day you got your fire back!” Not only have I walked through the fire, but I have become the flame!

The silhouette of a warrior woman with storm clouds in the background.

I’ve been waiting a long time to use this Meme. God gave me someone two years ago that shows me how to wait. He’s patient, and his love never fails, and he’s still here today. Thank you Mr. Smith for being my God-given rock!!!

Do you know the first time God told me, “Write That Down?” March 17th. I’m a slow learner, but by looking at the what God had done so far, I knew this.

I have people in my life to love me, and protect me from myself. (My daughter, Connie M., and Mr. Smith) I knew Satan would be pissed, and come after me. But here is the most important thing I knew! I got this the first time!!!!

I told Mr. Smith I wouldn’t write today, but here I am! He is laying it on me, as I finish this up! He has always told me, “But Barb… You don’t listen.” He just referred to me as a Jackass, for being so stubborn!!! I need people like that, and I love Mr. Smith.

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I really want to be that bright, green, check mark. The rest will be in the book.

God, When she became the fire

This One Thing

If you know anything about me, it’s that I live alone with my daughter. She will be 18 this year, but I have always treated her as an adult. I guess that was my way of preparing her for adulting. Some days she acts more like an adult than me!

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My last few posts have talked about writing, and why we write. Now it’s time to turn the page, and take my writing to a more personal level. I have shown you in this Blog, the beautiful relationship I get to have with my daughter. What I haven’t told you is, it’s not a list of things that I did. It has been all God, and this one thing I did.

I prayed specific prayers over her for years. I pray everyday, but when it comes to our children, I believe we need to be specific. This is the tool I used to do just that.

Stormie Omatian books. Yep, when she was little, I began using ‘The Power of a Praying Mom.’ There are specific prayers in this book that covers every stage of their young life. Now that she is older, I purchased a another book to use. It was on a clearance rack for 8 bucks. I brought that book out this week, and have began reading it.

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I would love for you join me on this quest! If you don’t feel a need to join, I’ll be writing about the power of prayer, and what God is doing because of this one thing.

You can click on The Power of Praying for Your Adult Childen, to see the book. There are many ordering options, especially on Amazon, so choose what’s best for you. I bought the actual book, just in case I ever need to whack her with it. Don’t worry, it’s paperback.

I created a new Facebook page where you can see inside our actual daily lives. One of our favorite sayings has always been, “Not Today Satan. Not Today.” The page began this week, but will evolve as we do. Come and be a part of our world!

Present Moment, Quality of life

Miracle Grow

I was watching my little dog this morning. He was sitting, but anxiously awaiting my daughter’s door to open. That is all he wanted. To see my daughter walk into view.

How simple is that?

We both give him attention, but I am the Mama. I make sure the food and water bowls are full, give him a bath, and get drugs from the vet to keep his fleas at bay. She gives him attention, and tells him how cute he is all the time. He gets more excited about her.

We nurture what we give our time to. I have a tendency to want to hurry things along. Help God out a little bit. I’ve had to come to grips with the numbers I see from this Blog. How many Bloggers have quit thanks to the numbers? If I compared the numbers, to the time spent, I wouldn’t be here, but since when is this Blog about me? I am just the writer.

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My boyfriend filled our planter boxes with flowers this week. It makes us a little nervous because we have a knack for giving them too much attention, and they die. I believe the same is true for a Blog, or any page where you focus on the numbers.

Too much attention can kill it. I unfollowed a Blogger this morning because he posted 4 Blogs yesterday. I love to read, but I don’t want to just hear the writer talk. Feed me.

Looking at the flowers planted, my boyfriend said, “I hope they spread and get fuller.. that will be the perfect scenario.. but I am just hoping to keep them alive long enough for that to happen right now..” He added, “I bought Miracle Grow!”

We can look at our writing in the same way. The seeds are planted, and the flowers are starting to bloom. We hope that our words will spread, and become fuller, but right now, we are just hoping to keep the writer in us alive long enough for that to happen. If we need an extra boost, God is the miracle in Miracle Grow.

In the meantime, just keep writing with as much Integrity, and Love as possible.

me

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

Present Moment, Quality of life

Feel the Love

My good coffee came in the mail yesterday, so all is good. The coffee maker had it ready, and waiting for me this morning. My heart is as full as this cup, so thank you for filling my cup. You see, I have been reading Blogs from this WordPress community, and it’s a magical place. I cannot mention them all in one sitting, but here are a few I follow.

Of the top of my head, there is Rebecca at simplemesimplelife. The name of her Blog is what drew me in because I am all about simple. We are around the same age, and she is married with a couple of kids. Maybe they are grown kids, I am not sure, but she is on a journey to share what she has learned. When you’re our age, there is a lot to share.

Part of her Bio says, “I believe in the Lord almighty and credit God with all good things that have been given to me, this includes my family. I aim to enrich and touch others’ lives as they have touched mine.” I admire her because she is still married in this day and age.

Then there is Liz. Her Blog is entitled My Wellbeing and Learning Journey. I have been reading her Blog for months, and just discovered she is deaf. I would have never known by what she writes. I believe she used to write about it, but she came to realize her deafness didn’t define her. She is feeling her way though life, and I love reading about her journey.

Part of her Bio says, “At times, some of what I may write will be therapeutic for me, but they may be distressing for you, so these posts will have a ‘Content Warning,’ at the front of the post. But I hope that these posts I share, if they relate to you, that they help you in some way.” Writing is therapeutic, but what we share may surprise our readers.

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So, here is my “Content Warning”. I am skipping over some Bloggers I love, to highlight one that needs our love. If talking about sex offends you, scroll past the naked souls laying in each others arms. If I comment on, or like your Blog, you know you are loved.

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She is known as Webmaster, and her Blog is entitled Sexinthe6ixBlog. I take it there are a lot of Bloggers out there who write about their sexual encounters. Writing is therapeutic, but what happened to diaries with the lock and key on them, we used to hide under our mattresses? This lady makes my heart bleed. She is learning through sex. All I know is, I found myself by looking in the mirror, and not while having sex. That came later in life.

Even though her site is quite graphic, I see the beautiful soul that she is. She has a heart as big as Texas, and it gets broken. You can learn a lot about yourself through sex, but I need to be a whole being on my own. Otherwise, I am just giving my body to another person that is looking for the same thing. For me to make them feel whole during that brief encounter.

Do you know why we feel so complete during sex? Because God made it that way.

Unfortunately, in today’s world, people are looking for the right partner to feel complete. There is a void inside that needs to be filled. Sex is being used as a form of high, but oh honey, when it’s over, how about that low though. Mark 10:8 says, “And the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” It’s a remarkable feeling!

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My daughter and I are extremely open about sex. She probably knows more about it than I do, thanks to the Internet. She will be 18 years old this year, and she’s a virgin.

Yes, I raised her knowing the importance of giving your body to another, but she makes her own decisions. The body is our temple, and it houses everything we hold inside. It’s all we have, so shouldn’t we be selective in who gets it? I tell my daughter, “Herpes doesn’t wash off in the shower,” and “Two plus two equals Gonorrhea.”

There are so many people I want to learn from, share with, and love on. Webmaster? I hope you can feel the love today, as you stand at your lovers funeral.

meBarbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Present Moment, Quality of life

Who Cares

I ran out of my favorite coffee for the coffee maker, so the past few days, I’ve been making hand drips, or pour overs. It gets messy to be half asleep and do that for one cup of coffee.

My favorite has been ordered, and should arrive today. I love the fresh ground pour over method, but not first thing in the morning, when all I want is a cup of coffee. This morning I found myself feeling ungrateful over something most people have never experienced.

I-m-Not-Perfect-Sorry.

I have been reading a lot, and there seems to be a bigger trend than ever before of, “I don’t care what people think” syndrome. What people think of me is their own business. They have a right to think what they want. I am discovering my authentic self cares how they feel. It’s not so much their thoughts, as it is how they feel. I still care.

Whew! I said it. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It has been brought to my attention that I still care what people think, but that’s not it. It’s how they feel, and how I make them feel. Now, I’m getting ready to do some good preachin’, so I hope you’re sitting down.

I belong to half a dozen social media sites, and dedicate a good chunk of time helping people feel. How do I want them to feel? Loved. They are fed love, laughter and hope.

Let me be clear. What they think, and what they feel are two different things. People are quick to judge, and the Devil’s greatest tool is offense. If he can keep us feeling offended towards one another, he wins. But God says, “Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”(Matt. 7:5)

I stopped being offended. People apologize to me over the slightest thing, that I didn’t even notice. I don’t take it personally because I have learned that their thoughts belong to them. It has nothing to do with me personally because they don’t know me at that level. How many people know me on an intimate level? Three. That number includes God.

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What people think belongs to them. People have stepped out of my life because I didn’t add up to what they thought I should be. Who they thought I was. I have no control over that, but how I make them feel is on me. Maybe I unknowingly pressed a button, and it revealed a character defect they need to work on. That is how it works for me, so you’re welcome.

I’m not perfect, nor do I want to be. I’m not interested in those who think they are.

What you read, and what you see may look perfect, but my life went through a whole lot of messy first. It still becomes messy, but I’m not here to show you that. That is easily accessed, and makes great headlines. My goal is to put the saying, “Life is hard,” into extinction. What do you see when you look at the world today? I see 48 levels of sadness.

Life is a gift. Each day God opens our eyes we should feel refreshed and renewed. To be full of what God gives us. Can you imagine asking God something and He responds with, “I don’t care.” I will unapologetically be me, and strive to become who God wants me to be. God is love. He has no conditions, and we create these rules we live by. He just loves.

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Present Moment, Quality of life

Be Engaged

I took a week off from Blogging. I’ve been writing. You just haven’t seen it yet.

When you don’t see me here, I am reading books, other people’s Blogs, and writing my thoughts in a journal. Writing makes me feel more alive. Looking at January, when I challenged myself to write for 30 consecutive days, I felt exhilarated just by writing everyday. I see other Bloggers writing everyday this month, and they are starting to feel the same way.

It hits you about halfway through. This is what brings me joy! So does coffee.

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As you know, my coffee taste has changed this year. The Keurig is in a cabinet, and the coffee pot will be soon. My daughter has me hooked on the beauty of a pour over. So yes, life is too short for bad coffee. If I’m gonna drink it, I am going to savor every single moment of it.

To be engaged in the process, and the drinking of it. We can also look at relationships in much the same way. Are you engaged? Not the marrying kind, but to be ‘greatly interested.’

I am reading a book by Brene` Brown entitled, ‘Daring Greatly.’ It’s about the courage to be vulnerable, and allowing that to transform you and other areas of your life. Vulnerability starts with trust, and we can always hope when we step out with our vulnerable thoughts, or deeds that they will be embraced, and reciprocated. It’s the good stuff of the relationship.

I find it interesting that Brene` sees disengagement as ‘betrayal’. Long before the more obvious betrayal of cheating, or lying, disengagement occurs first. She defines disengagement as, “Not caring, of letting the connection go, of not being willing to devote time and effort to the relationship.” When that happens the more obvious reasons slip in.

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I know you are loving my coffee Memes. Seymour sent me a post yesterday saying the coffee bean should be my birthstone. I couldn’t agree with her more. She constantly makes an effort to be engaged. I have several people in my life that do this, and some have stopped.

The great mystery of disengagement is there is no valid reason for it. We look for reasons, and can convince ourselves of various ones, but disengagement doesn’t always have one. Brene` describes it as being the, ‘Most dangerous form of betrayal in terms of corroding the trust connection.’ So, we don’t lose trust and step away. We step away and then lose trust.

This is one of a few things I have been pondering during my week off from Blogging. I hope this encourages you to be engaged. Be fully interested in what goes in your cup.

 

me

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

Present Moment, Quality of life

Ohhh VDay

We are back home from Missouri, and we had a wonderful time. It’s noon, and I’m sitting here in my pajamas, and robe. I missed my robe, but it was too bulky to pack, and take.

It has surprised me how many people are born on this day. My daughter’s best friend shares her birthday with Valentine’s Day. These two girls are so different, but have a bond that is worth celebrating. For me, Valentine’s Day is just another day on the calendar.

My hope is that I give love everyday. Each day should be a celebration of love.

My daughter announced this morning that she would love to surprise her friend Abby today with a visit for her birthday. My immediate reaction was, “What’s stopping you?”

Her friend lives 1.5 hours away, so they don’t get to see one another much. She made the comment lastnight, that she gets to see Abby, about as often as she sees her boyfriend.

Something about that is just not right, considering she has to fly to see her boyfriend. I had to choke the Mom in me this morning, when my daughter mentioned her hearts desire of surprising Abby with a visit. She didn’t get any school done while we were away, which I knew would be the case. She has plenty of school to do, but it’s not going anywhere without her.

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Today is a good reason to push that love envelope a little bit more.

I bought this card for my daughter, and yep, it was the bling that drew me to it. She doesn’t expect anything from me on Valentine’s Day, because we love each other everyday. Her friend will be shocked that she drove all the way out there to help make her birthday special. Her schoolwork will wait one more day, but this moment won’t.

She will eventually graduate, but I hope she never graduates grabbing life’s moments.

me

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

Present Moment, Quality of life

To Travel

Ever since my daughter has taught me to make a cup of coffee, using the pour over method, it has become a meaningful part of my day. I get so memorized by the pouring part, I have overflowed my cup, and catch myself drinking more coffee. I purchased my favorite ground coffee off eBay, to start using my coffee maker again, but the seller sent me whole bean instead of ground. Owell, just gonna haveta do an entire can of pour overs!

We are flying to Missouri tomorrow. That is where my daughter’s boyfriend lives. He came here at Christmas, so it’s her turn to go there. I was suckered into this trip, but I’m coming around, and am almost excited about it. I don’t have good memories of traveling during my marriage to her father. It was always stressful, but it doesn’t have to be that way now.go2

I told myself from the very beginning, I would do this for my daughter. That made it easier to accept because I would do anything for her. As time rolled by, I would ponder the trip, and pull positives from it. I’m going to think of it as a mini getaway, a change of scenery, or my first plane trip since my Cancer journey. She will be with her boyfriend most of the time, so I will have a lot of me time. I’m going to work on my book that I started before Cancer.

We are packing today, and it’s very quiet as we do so. I hope she feels my light heart from across the hall. As Mother’s part of our job is to take stress away from our child’s life. That has been my mission anyways. She continually takes the stress out of mine. Even to travel.

 

me

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Present Moment, Quality of life

The Oldtimers

I just finished reading a Blog written by a young lady. Younger than me anyway, and she truly learned just by living her life. I was amazed at the wisdom in such a young mind.

On the other end of the spectrum, I thought of the oldtimers. These were the souls sitting in my AA meetings well over retirement age. I would sit and listen to them share their life lessons, and soak up every word. They would share the good times, and the bad, and I could learn what to do, and what not to do in sobriety. Similar to listening to a parent.

Have you ever thought, “I wish I had listened to my mother/father?”

I know I have. One of my brother’s never listened to anyone, so he learned life the hard way. He told me over Christmas that thanks to his wife, he was still alive. Now, he could tell us some stories, because I’m pretty sure he did everything ‘the rule book’ of life said not to. He is pushing 60 years old now, but he is full of wisdom, and blessed to be alive.

The longer you are on this earth, the more you learn. Adding years to my age doesn’t scare me. I believe what would scare me is if I kept it all to myself, and didn’t share my life with others. That they may read something they needed to hear to help determine their path. I don’t look back and see mistakes or have regret. They were all a part of life, and I learned.

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Present Moment, Quality of life

Life’s Icing

I am back in my little Farmhouse. The drives get longer, even though the route doesn’t change. The drive out of here to the lake seems short, but the drive back in seems long.

My daughter is not here yet. It took her a while to pack up and leave her Dad’s. The house is still, and rather chilly from being closed up. Seymour messaged me asking if I was okay. I told her, “There is nothing in my life that cannot be fixed with a cupcake, and icing.” I love icing.

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We had a celebration at Smith’s families house yesterday. We celebrated birthdays, and the end of my Radiation treatment. They presented me with this plate of cupcakes. This is a very beautiful thing to me. They gave me icing, and they represent the icing in my life.

My daughter gives me icing all the time. I am watching her grow, and mature, and she is quite the young lady. She does things for us, and she keeps me ‘in the know’ of what’s going on, so I can maintain my ‘Cool Mom’ status. I used to watch her make a coffee pour over, and then asked her to teach me. She now has me hooked on the pour over method.

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The above picture shows me using a small one made by a local potter. It has holes in the bottom, and allows the coffee to drip through. It’s a soulful experience, almost meditative.

Mr. Smith gave my daughter a beautiful one for Christmas, but I have not graduated to that one yet. It’s made of glass, and brass, which is a scary thing for me before coffee, much less while making it. My daughter, and Smith put icing on my life with simple actions. After spending 17 years teaching her, she is now teaching me new things.

I love reading other people’s Blogs, making comments of encouragement, and receiving comments on what I write. To have these beautiful souls in my life, but then receive a loving comment? That is icing in the Blogworld.

Friends send me comments throughout the week.  Seymour sent me this.

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Thank you Seymour. 

I was messaging another friend over the weekend, she said this, and it was a light bulb moment. “Sounds to me that you are climbing mountains in the direction your heart is leading you.” I hadn’t thought of this next phase of my life as climbing a mountain before, but that is how it feels. My heart doesn’t take me to a valley. It’s always reaching higher.

And when I reach the top of this mountain, it will be covered in icing.

me

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com