It feels like a new chapter unfolding in our lives.
She wrote, and published her first Blog post today.
She has always been a gifted writer. Maybe that is why she encouraged me to begin this Blog years ago, because she knew how enjoyable it would be. It was a seed in her heart.
She’s had a WordPress account for over a year, and yesterday talked about writing a Blog. It made me smile. Today, she typed one up, added some of her beautiful photographs, and hit publish. I asked God to please let someone read it. It’s had several views, and likes. We needed this today, so glory to God, and thank you WordPress community.
She told me, “I’ve been struggling with depression all year.”
My immediate thought was, “Not my daughter.”
She came clean on Instagram, and wrote a post about it, thanking people for their prayers and support. I downloaded the post, and saved it to my phone, but when she deleted it from her account, it disappeared. There are glad days and sad days, and today is a sad one. Everyday is different.
This is one of my favorite pictures of her. We had just moved into this house, and you can see the sparkle in her eyes.
Sparkle.
She doesn’t follow my Blog, or read it unless I ask her to.
I feel this needs to be written, so she can read it one day.
We have fought many battles, and won with God by our side. She will overcome, but let’s mark today as, the battle begins.
This Blog began 4 years ago by a suggestion from my daughter. We had moved, and packing up in haste had caused me to lose track of my journals. My daughter said, “What goes on the Internet, stays on the Internet.” This will be here for her and her children, when I am no longer here. Which by God’s grace will not be for another 50 years.
My daughter has a happy Mom, and is quick to notice otherwise. She spent the younger years of her life seeing me unhappy. If I’m unhappy today. she is quick to say, “Is this what you left a 25 year marriage for?” Listen to the heart.
My darling daughter… I hope you always follow your heart.
When Brett visited in 2017, and you drove him to this Milo field.
We laugh all the time. You have your favorite quotes by me written in your phone. CPS would have been here years ago if they read them. This is my favorite look on you. All natural, and with no makeup, You turned 18 last week, and believe this world doesn’t look your way unless you to look like this.
Instagram famous.
I asked you to send me some birthday pics, and you sent these. Which girl looks happier? Release the happy one.
I have studied this picture of Brett and you. He is the love of your life right now, but years from now, will he still be? Will you be married, and have puppies instead of children?
The cool kids.
Looking into your eyes, I can’t see you, but you are in there.
The authentic self is hanging on by a thread. Don’t wake up one year before your 50th birthday and decide to follow you heart. Let it lead and guide you down a path of happiness.
In four more days, she will be 18. My darling daughter.
I’ve always thought of her as older, and wise beyond her years. It was 5 years ago that we ventured out on our own. What a brave little girl, to leave everything she knew, for the unknown. I hope she always leaves her comfort zone.
Do we give up a chunk of our lives for our children?
My daughter and I have shared our lives. She has watched her Mama grow up, just as I have watched her. She has big wings, but they are still developing. I believe this year has been the year of finding myself, so I am ready when she flies. I don’t worry about her, so she shouldn’t worry about me. When she sees me stepping off the path she says,
Is this what you gave up a 25 year marriage for?
We take care of one another, and this song makes us cry. My darling daughter, you are my life, but you have also given me yours. May we fly in sequence, but always find our way home.
July has taught me what makes the heart happy, and sad.
Making up my bed this morning, and catching a glimpse of the Happiness sign, I stopped making it up, and changed the sheets. That made my heart happy. They will feel good tonight.
Detachment is a word commonly used in Letting Go. Today, I saw the word, ‘Unattached’, and that felt softer. Detachment always left me feeling cold, and that’s not me.
I imagined strings attached to my heart, and they would attach to another heart, or circumstance. Anything that made the heart happy. When something occurs that made the heart sad, a string would break, and fall away. Over time with repetition, the heart becomes unattached. What used to excite the heart doesn’t phase it now. The strings are gone.
When my daughter and I go to a garden center, we take a look at the sad shelf. This is the shelf of plants, drastically reduced in price from over-watering. They all look sad.
Maybe that is why I started caring for plants. If I could care for them properly, and give them a healthy environment, then I could do the same for me. The plants and I are growing.
The people traveling with us on our journey should add to our happiness. If we are not surrounded by happiness, it’s time to take a look at the people we allowed onto our path.
There is a role for everyone we meet, but how healthy are they? How well they care for themselves, is how well they care for you. The sad shelf is not a pretty place to be.
To discover what I want, I journey through the don’t wants.
Earlier this week, I walked into the kitchen wanting coffee.
I had set the machine up the night before, but instead, there was black liquid oozing all over the kitchen counter. The pot wasn’t fully engaged to allow the hot liquid to flow. The basket inside was filled with water, and grinds were everywhere. It was not pretty, so after cleaning up the mess, the coffee maker went into a cabinet. The don’t wants.
This is pretty.
Really good coffee beans deserve to be fresh pressed.
When our hearts are happy, we know what we want.
Now my morning coffee is relatively ceremonial.
We recognize our wants, when we realize our don’t wants.
Once my daughter painted her room, it prompted a change in mine. My bedroom is already a color, and it’s a pleasant neutral, so this is not a need. It’s been a slow burning want.
My favorite color has always been Red, but I surprised myself.
Walking into my room with two paint samples. One was a good, solid red, and the other was a pale version of red. After trying each on the wall, I chose the softer one. It feels good.
Courtesy of Shades of Pink
This morning, this photo came up on my Facebook news feed.
It was posted by one of my favorite pages called Shades of Pink. I have settled into no social media apps on my phone. Checking it via laptop a couple of times a day is sufficient.
Melody Beattie’s words that resonated today are:
“Stay open to every opportunity.” (Doing that)
“If you’re tired, rest. If you’re sad, cry.” (Did that)
“Let destiny have it’s way with you.” (Thought-provoking)
Right before falling asleep lastnight, I read this. “Maybe that relationship that made you doubt yourself so much came along to help you learn to listen to and trust your inner voice.”
I’m not bold Red. Presently, I am various Shades of Pink.
This was one of my favorite Memes. I wanted that kind of love.
My life doesn’t revolve around Memes anymore. I don’t know if you can find this kind of love with a person. I have found this type of love with God. The creator of the ocean knows.
Open your heart
It’s time that we start again
Open your heart
It’s time that we start again
If you wanna know
How far my love can go
Just how deep, just how wide
If you wanna see
How much you mean to me
Look at my hands, look at my side
If you could count the times I’d say you are forgiven
It’s more than the drops in the ocean
