You Are Amazing

I’m truly enjoying the November Soul Reset.

Day Three is talking about gratitude, but not just the proverbial list. It asked me to thank myself.

To say ‘thank you’ to me for being me.

Consider the last time you felt thankful for yourself. Really genuinely. Not because someone told you to. But because it just dawned on you. It just dawned on you that you are pretty amazing. ~SC Lourie

This is rather profound. When I think back of all the things I’ve been through, I tend to thank God, and that someone who stood by me during the storm. I cannot recall if I’ve ever said, “Thank you Barb.” 

I encourage you to take a quiet moment with you. Sit with a warm cuppa, and thank you for being there for you. When you think of who you love most in this world let it be you. You are pretty amazing.

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November Soul Reset

One of my favorite writers is SC Lourie.

When she writes, the words pour from her very soul. I received an email from her and wish to share it because November is the time for a soul reset.

November post

It begins November 1st, but no stress darling.

I’ve walked many a journey with Sam, and she moves gently. Would love to have you join me on this journey. Here is the link. Much love, Barb. xx

How You Leave

When you leave a relationship/marriage, it’s important how you leave. When the day came for me to leave, I was thoughtful. We had spent half our lives together and I didn’t want it to look like a wreckage. He already felt like his world was ripped apart.

We have to show life how we want to be treated, so life knows how to treat us in return. Do the next right thing.

It was my choice to leave. He was in denial, and it took time for him to be okay with how things landed. The amount of time is per person.

change

My daughter and I discussed what to take with us. We didn’t need a lot of ‘things’, to make a new life.

We chose a few furniture pieces we loved, and wanted to live with. We still have those foundational pieces, but after we left, you couldn’t tell.

The cabinets held the most difficult choices.

We had collected a lot of beautiful things in our time together, but I wanted to leave some beauty. We collected pottery by Bill Campbell, and had full place settings by him. I left them in the cabinet. We had professional grade cookware, but I only took half.

We had two of a lot of things, so I left the one he liked best, all the way down to the measuring cups.

I couldn’t bring myself to pack up in front of him, so I waited until a few days before the move was scheduled, and packed. He stayed away during the move, but he hired movers to get us moved safely.

The moving truck arrived at our new home before my daughter and I did. They were on a schedule, so they unloaded the truck without us being there.

My daughter still talks about that day, and laughs about what we walked in on. Everything that was on the truck, was sitting in the middle of the house!

It looked like a big ball of furniture and boxes!

The movers looked at us and said, “We didn’t know where you wanted everything.” We didn’t know either, but in time we unraveled that big ball and created a world we wanted to live in, and we do!

Recently, I was at my ex husbands home, and he was at the kitchen sink washing some of those pieces that were left. He thanked me for leaving them, and especially his favorite measuring cup.

Time does heal. They just don’t tell you how long.

Be mindful of how you leave.

Catching a Glimpse

Note to self: “Bake cookies the day before she gets home.”

So the house doesn’t smell like fresh baked cookies when she walks in. The smells lingers, and she’ll ask if I had cookies with my coffee. I’m prepared to be fussed at.

Stepping into the hallway this morning, it felt chilly.

At first, I thought the air was turned down too low, but the air conditioning wasn’t running. The house was quiet and the air felt cool, and crisp. It reminded me fall is coming.

August in Texas means heat, but it was sweet catching a glimpse.

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You’re So Extra

It’s the weekend, and my daughter is at her Dad’s.

You would think, I’d be used to this by now.

When we lived an hour away, it felt like she was far away. Since we moved, she is now 10 minutes away, but somehow that makes it a bit more difficult. I want to meet her for coffee, but I respect their time together on the weekends.

silence

The silence of her being away is deafening. Embrace it.

I bought her favorite flowers earlier this week, and put them in a vase. I told her, “It’s difficult to make the heavy-headed Sunflower stand up, so I cut them short, and added some filler.” She looked at the greenery I used inquisitively, and I shared, “Oh, it’s just something I found growing in the yard.”

She burst into laughter and said, “Mom! You’re so extra!”

extra

I usually spend time on the weekends doing the extra’s, but this weekend, I’m spending time on me. I value the word, ‘weekend’. We are nearing the end of another week, so it’s time to refresh, and realign our souls for a new week.

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I spent money yesterday that I wouldn’t normally spend.

To justify this purchase, I reminded myself that it was going to be a quiet weekend at home, and I would have spent at least $30, if not more, at the Farmer’s Market. It was raining yesterday, and the FM was closed, so this reasoning works.

Sometimes is hard to spend money on something frivolous when you have a spending limit. When my daughter gets home, and sees new candles burning, she will ask, “Did you eat this weekend?’ I have been known to choose coffee, flowers, and candles over food, without her supervision.

Yesterday, I ducked into a shop to get out of the rain, and they had a huge display of Tyler Candles. These smell divine! I was standing there gazing at the selection, when the sales lady asked if I had tried ‘the wash.’ On the other side of the wall of candles stood more products made by Tyler. They have expanded into laundry detergent.

glamorous

I envisioned washing our sheets with this. My love for these candles had me picturing going to sleep, wrapped in a candle fragrance! This set came with three *votive candles, and two pretty holders. That my friends, is beyond extra!

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Weekend Plans: Breathe, Pause, Repair your Universe, Proceed.

*Tip for today: Before placing a votive candle in the holder, pour a little water in first. Just to cover the bottom. Once the candle has completed it’s burn time, and is ready to be discarded, it will pop right out of the holder. Plus, if you forget to blow it out before leaving the house, it will extinguish itself once it reaches the water in the bottom.

However, I don’t recommend tempting fate this way.

Coffee and Chocolate

My daughter called lastnight, and we chatted for a while.

She asked, “How is everything?” I said, “Just beautiful! Except, there is no chocolate in this house!” Two females need chocolate available at a moments notice, so that will be fixed.

I’ve been going to bed earlier, and waking up earlier.

This morning, I sat on the porch, and watched the sunrise. It was stunningly beautiful. Then it was time for coffee.

cupofjoe

There is something about pouring hot liquid, into a cracked cup. It’s made of fine china, and allows me to trust that it is going to hold that liquid. I carry it with the saucer underneath, just in case it decides to give in to the crack.

When my daughter and I were packing to leave my marriage, we had one rule of thumb. She wasn’t sure what to take, and what to leave, so I asked her, “Do you love it? If you love it, and will use it, then pack it up.” This caused me to ponder what I had in the house that I loved, but didn’t use.

This china was only used at Christmas. The rest of the time, it was displayed in the china cabinet with all of the other, ‘look but don’t touch’ items. It was time for that to change.

I packed up the china, and we use it like everyday plates.

My daughter knows I’m not big into Halloween, but I love fall. Last year, she bought me a pumpkin covered in sequins. I said, “I’m going to have to find our fall decoration pumpkin, and set it out.” She wasn’t as amused as I was.

daisy

I saw this yesterday, and brought it home. A year ago, I would have walked right by it because it’s real. Taking care of plants this year gave me this philosophy. It will either thrive, or we will enjoy it while it’s here. She says the Boston Ferns on the front porch are so huge, they are obnoxious.

I’m excited about seeing her today, and hearing about her travels. Time to head out for some coffee and chocolate.

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Stopping to Go

Today, I gave my daughter the day off from being my daughter.

She harbors these ‘people pleasing’ abilities that will wear off over time. Her father’s hectic life is adding stress to hers, but he needs her more than I do right now. Not wanting to add to an already stressful situation, I encouraged her not to come home today as planned. She was grateful.

It’s my favorite time of day to sit in the middle of the bed. I grabbed one of my favorite platters, and filled it with Gouda, Organic cream cheese with Raspberry Chipotle sauce, Rosemary crackers, and black seedless grapes. The jury is still out whether this is a snack, or an early dinner.

snack

I went to an AA meeting at noon. I was in the midst of cleaning house, and didn’t mind stopping to go, if God saw fit. Walking through the motions of getting ready, I told God, “If you really want me to go, everything will fall into place seamlessly.” At 11:40, I was ready to walk out the door.

Walking into the meeting, I noticed a young lady sitting there that I haven’t seen before. She had made a similar deal with God.

“Okay God, If you want me to go to this meeting, someone will walk in that I need to see.”

Long story short, she asked me to be her temporary sponsor.

This is the second woman in the past 30 days that God has placed in my path to sponsor. I have no clue how to be a sponsor, but I know how to stay sober, and I can coach.

I sat down yesterday, and came across this page in SC Lourie’s new journal. It sums up precisely where I am today.

sclourie1

The photo may be hard to read. Here is what it says.

“I had to stop waiting. Waiting to be that person I always hoped I would become. Waiting for that person to rescue me. Waiting until I felt ready. Waiting until I had healed. Waiting until I got things right. Waiting until I was seen, noticed, acknowledged, or remembered. Waiting for that ultimate day somewhere in the future that would change everything. Soon after, I realised something. You are either waiting, or you are living. I choose to live. To end the wait.” SC Lourie