Digging the Details

My daughter has left to spend the weekend with her father. I won’t see her until Tuesday, the day of my appointment. He has a busy weekend planned for them, but before she left I said, “I don’t know what I’m doing this weekend.” She responded with, “The possibilities are endless.”

I’m sitting in the middle of my bed, watching it rain.

The dogs are laying on the floor beside me, just to be near.

It made my heart happy that she said, “The possibilities are endless.” That whatever I chose to do over the weekend would improve our lives in some way. I’ve begun this new thing while she is away by looking at the details of our life, and making adjustments. Just tweaking what we already have.

This began in a big way by moving furniture. Using the most of our small space, and helping things flow. Those things are noticeable, but now it’s down to the finest detail.

This has been going on for months, so now when she walks in the front door, there is a  pause to look around. There may be a picture that has been moved, or curtains swapped from another room. The last time she was away, I bought a new shower curtain liner. You would think, no one would notice a new piece of plastic while showering, but she did.

Yesterday, I gave our bathroom some attention. While cleaning the toilet, I looked at the bowl brush, and decided it had seen better days, so in the trash it went. Yes, life should be beautiful all the way down to the tiolet bowl brush! We now have a new bowl brush. Will she notice?

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A Better Life~Day Two

Early to bed, and early to rise has been my trend recently. I’m diggin’ it. There is nothing like watching God run His paintbrush across this Texas sky first thing in the morning.

I did this series a year ago, under the category, “A Better Way To Live.” My daughter was wondering why I was doing it again. Reading the ones I wrote from a year ago, my writing has changed a good bit. Those barely skim the surface of the topic, so I see where today, my writing goes deeper, and is more heartfelt. It needs to go deeper still, but I’m getting there.

Suggestion #2.

Today, and every day, deliver more than you are getting paid to do. The victory of success will be half won when you learn the secret of putting out more than is expected in all that you do. Make yourself so valuable in your work that eventually you will become indispensable. Exercise your privilege to go the extra mile, and enjoy all the rewards you receive. You deserve them!

We all go through a dry season with our jobs. I have a part-time job that allows me to work from home three days a week. My boss, who is also a friend of mine for the past 15 years, is easy to work with. He knows I’m going through Chemo, and is very accommodating to the days I don’t have a brain. You have to have a brain to do this job. I’m customer service to Day Traders.

I’m very grateful for this job for many reasons. It allows me to work remotely, and I get to choose my schedule. If I want to travel, I pack up my laptop and go. The job has been kinda dry lately, and not very challenging. At first, I got frustrated with the monotony, but then God showed me the blessing in that. It doesn’t take a lot of thought to do the job well.

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I changed my attitude, and saw the blessing of the job being simpler than normal right now.

Today I can do my job with excellence, and be grateful for what it is. I believe where suggestion two fits in is more toward my writing. I write for God. Even though I don’t see a physical paycheck for writing, my rewards are worth far more than money. He rewards me everyday in the little things that make my heart soar. My every need is met and then some.

My love is writing, but my job brings reliable income. Writing occurs when my heart is so full, it has to flow onto a page. It’s not planned, or scheduled…it just happens. I have several posts sitting in a draft folder where I had to write it out, but didn’t publish. The more I pour out of my heart, the larger the space I have to be filled with more love.

God gave me this job years ago so I could stay at home, and home-school my daughter. He knew I would leave my marriage, and my daughter and I would need each other afterwards.

She has pretty much taught herself high school, and this gave me the opportunity to write. I saw a quote once that said, “Your story could be the key that unlocks someone else’s prison.”That is my hope. That you will find something here that feels like a key to your prison door. If God can work through me to do that, then that will be reward enough for me.

Barbara is a God follower, a Writer, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

Scoop and Skim

It took me 50 years to learn the art of napping. All I can say lovelies is, be a faster learner than me. We all have 24 hours in a day. It’s how we use them that brings quality to life.

1Holmes Backyard Photographs

This is a photo of my backyard 10 years ago. When we bought this house, the backyard resembled a football field, cradled by these Texas Live Oaks. It took me 3 years to surrender to having this pool put in. It took a certain pool company to even attempt it. Most companies wanted to bulldoze the trees down, so they would have a clean, easy slate.

My then husband was a designer, and he loved landscape design, so he had it all figured out.

That pool was my first glimpse into the present moment. I love hands on type work, where you can see the fruits of your labor. The pool company showed me how to take care of it, and give it’s weekly maintenance. This was one of the first, successful saltwater pools, so if we had a hard rain, it would beat all the salt out. Nothing like waking up to a green pool!

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Here is a bird’s eye view. This was the backyard, so you can imagine what all needed taking care of inside the house. That was my life. Taking care of man-made beauty. Did it bring me joy? One small part of it did. Turning on the waterfall, and gazing into the clear blue water.

The maintenance entailed turning all power off, and backwashing the pump. Unrolling many feet of hose, and placing the end far away from any flowers for the dirty water to have a safe place to go. Roll the hose up back up tightly with precision, and then dumping 50lb bags of salt into the pool. That was the chemical part. Now it was time to scoop and scrub.

This was my favorite part. I would take a long handled net, and walk along all the large rocks you see encompassing the pool. Scooping and skimming the surface of all the debris from those blasted trees. The trees brought some shade, but they were mainly left there for looks. If it looked good, it stayed, no matter the financial cost, or the price I paid personally.

Fast-forward 10 years, and today my life is simple. The house I live in today is about the size of the guest house sitting behind that pool. The monthly payment on that house, was more than I make in a month today. When I left that life behind, all I had was God, my daughter, and me. I can see the natural beauty of life, and have time to care for ‘who’, and not ‘what’.

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I recall moving into our first little house, almost 4 years ago, and staring at the bed. I could not remember the last time I took a nap, because I wanted to, not because I had run myself down. I announced to my daughter in the other room, “I’m taking a nap.” She didn’t question it, but surely she thought it was odd. I fell across that bed, and let myself rest.

I believe God taught me that for a reason. It was normally just a 20 to 30 minute power nap. Anything longer than 30 minutes made me feel worse. I got napping down to a science, and saw that if I took better care of me, I was able to take better care of those who needed me.

My quality of life is based on the time I give it. God, and Chemo have taught me I have very little control over the way I feel, and what I can accomplish in a day. I am just grateful to be writing this the day after Chemo! I have been strong for 30 years, so I discard that cape, and trust God in every area of my life. What do you need to scoop and skim out of your life?

 

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

Them Gilmore Girls

I heard the best line ever yesterday. My daughter, and I were sitting in a restaurant, when this little old man approached our table. He nodded at my bald head and said, “Is it medical? Or do you want your head to look that way?” I busted out laughing, he smiled, and it was all good.

I thought when I lost my hair thanks to Chemo, I would learn how to tie all these beautiful scarves to cover my head. Well, that didn’t happen. I live in Texas so, scarves are hot! In the beginning stages, I thought I was covering my head to make myself less scary looking.  It turns out, I was covering it to mask what I am going through. No scarf? People approach.

This has been a week of love, and learning. My daughter turns 17 on Monday, August 8th. I took time and gave her a little something each day that reminded me of our life together, or something I wanted her to know for the future, along with a note. On Day 5, yesterday, she looked at me after reading the hand written note, and said, “It’s sounds like my Mom, and a Writer.”

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She texted me this picture last week, and it made my heart smile. I’ve been chastised for being her friend, more than a Mother. Who says I can’t be both? She is my very best friend, and these last 3 years have held the happiest moments of my life. This week, we have been Netflix binging on a show called The Gilmore Girls. This show describes our life perfectly.

We are only into the first season, so I will be upset if the Mother turns into a skank, but for now, it makes us laugh. My daughter and I drink coffee together, and yes, I am addicted. Every now and then I cut myself off, just to show it I’m boss. This week, I have barely had any coffee, so by the time Saturday morning rolled around, I was ready to lay my face in it.

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Our life was once ran by a calendar. It was one of those large ones that covers your desk. I haven’t had one of those on my desk since I left my marriage, and took my daughter with me. Living life day to day is what we do. Being grateful for waking up, and watching for what God has in store that day. Everyday is different, and it’s never boring. Living life together.

I give her some of the craziest advice coming from a Mother, but to her, it always makes sense. She would write the really good ones down, and go back and look at them later, when she needed a good laugh. I have always asked her not to call CPS on me, and she never has.

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Some of the things that come out of my mouth, amaze even me. My Mother was a good Mother, but we were not friends. I went to my friends for advice, which didn’t always pan out well, so I wanted my girl to always come to me. We talk about everything, and now with social media ablaze, there are never ending topics. Nothing is forbidden, and we learn a lot.

When I left her Father, it was right before my 50 birthday. I told my daughter, “I’m not counting anymore birthdays for me. I will buy cake, because we will always eat cake, but no counting years.” It worked too, because when people ask me my age, I have to really think before answering. With her birthday coming up, she made the same announcement to me.

Growing up is bittersweet, but growing old is optional.

My darling girl, always remember, “Where you lead, I will follow, Anywhere that you tell me to. If you need, you need me to be with you I will follow where you lead.”

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Good Skin Good

My daughter and I went shopping yesterday in Lockhart, TX. That doesn’t even sound right, does it? Well, there is one shop I absolutely adore, and will go to at the drop of a hat. They have the most beautiful things, and it’s pure bliss just to walk through. I bought a candle.

I am a Candle Connoisseur. Having spent years of my life smelling candles, I know the really good ones to buy. This shop just started carrying some that are new to me. Not only do they smell divine, but the jar they are in is gorgeousness. My home smells heavenly.

Upon leaving the shop, we noticed a quaint little Cafe across the street, and decided to give it a try. We had not had showers, wore no makeup, and were dressed in our really comfortable clothes. As soon as we walked in, I noticed how bright it was, but entered anyway. It was like walking into a really bad tea party, with no Mad Hatter as your host.

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My daughter was immediately uncomfortable with the stringent atmosphere, as everyone looked up from their plate and stared. Yes, real people just walked in, and we were not welcome. You see, I am very comfortable in my skin, and am trying to teach my daughter to be so in hers. I could have sat there and ate, but all they offered were salads. I can get that anywhere.

A lady that worked there approached us, trying her best to welcome us. I just smiled, and told her very nicely, we would come back another time. I don’t believe she was used to people walking out of her restaurant, because her face dropped, as she referred to me as a Carnivore. Now, it is obvious she didn’t know a thing about me, because I rarely eat meat.

I didn’t take it personally, and gave her my warmest smile. I sincerely wished her a beautiful day, as we exited out the door. My daughter was so relieved to be outside. As soon as we were, I gave thanks to God. I was so grateful that I didn’t feel the need to go to places like that anymore. I don’t have to fit into anyone’s box anymore. I am free to just be me.

I will most likely go back to that shop today. There was one more candle calling my name.

Today though, I will at least take a shower first. Part of having a beautiful life is not only what you see, but what you smell. May yours look and smell as beautiful as your very soul.

World’s best smelling candle in my opinion.

Trapp Candles: http://www.thecandleshop.net/

The one I bought yesterday, and probably again today. https://voluspa.com/

 

mescarf (135x240)Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Reasons or Excuses

I splurged yesterday. My daughter and I had pedicures. I believe if you take care of your feet, your entire body will thank you. I woke up this morning, looked at my toes, and smiled.

I am really into beauty right now. Noticing what’s around me, and enjoying it’s natural state. I spent years buying what I thought was beautiful. There are boxes somewhere full of handmade pottery from NC artists. I think my life was such a mess, I tried filling it up with beautiful things. Maybe covering it up is more accurate. All of that has been scraped away.

My marriage was so ugly, we invested in art. I recall hiring an artist from Austin TX to create two paintings for a living room we were remodeling. He spent time with us, and got a feel for the space we were creating. It’s funny, but I don’t recall telling him we liked water. When he came to us with the finished work, it was a hauntingly accurate portrayal of us.

One painting was rather dark, but had potential. It was a lake view, with foliage around it, but the sky was overcast and cloudy. That described my husband at the time. The other painting was almost an identical lake view, but the sky was noticeably different. It had light breaking through the clouds. That one was mine. The artist painted what he felt from us.

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Those were painted over 10 years ago, and I left them when I left. They are worth a small fortune today, but my happiness, and well being are worth far more than anything there.

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I found this artist this morning, and it made my heart soar. She makes art from flowers, and twigs, so I made it into a Meme. It portrays how natural, and simple, beauty is to me today.

Speaking to a lady yesterday brought back memories of when I left. How it felt, and how it happened. My marriage changed once I got sober. When you think about it, I was drinking on my wedding day, so it makes sense to see that person in a different light without the drink. The more sober I got, the less we had in common. It got to the point the only thing we had in common were our two kids. That was not a reason to stay, but it was a good excuse.

I had a lot of excuses not to leave. To me they were valid reasons, but knowing what I know today, they were only excuses. We had ruined our credit, and had a home foreclosure on record. I thought no one would rent a house to me with my bad credit. Life happens, and credit gets ruined. It doesn’t bother me. My credit score is not who I am in God’s eyes.

All I wanted was a chance to be happy. I knew God had a better plan for me, than what I had gotten myself into. I cannot recall all the feelings associated with that time in my life, because of God, and letting go. The feeling of dread was constant. I dreaded everything because there was no love. No reason for being there anymore because love was long gone.

I stopped looking for reasons, and just started moving. I knew that God would open doors, and close doors, to direct my path. It’s easy to look at what lies ahead, and let that stop you.

You need to tell all that crap how big your God is.

Have faith. When my daughter and I started looking at houses, I’m sure there were Realtors who frowned at my credit. I was going to be a single Mom, and didn’t have a lot of money anymore. When people care about you, and not your bank account, life gets real good quick.

All I had, was who I was. People I have rented from called friends of mine, and past employers to see how I had treated them. That was all they needed. I am a good person.

Do your best, and let God do the rest, has always worked for me. May it work for you too.

 

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

Living In Enoughness

Today’s magical word for me is ‘Enoughness’. I love taking words such as, Awesome, and Fabulous, and adding ‘ness’ to them. Then you have Awesomeness and Fabulousness!

Let’s look at Enoughness. Leo Babuata of Zen Habits, is one of my Hero Writers. He inspires me, and prompts me to think. Leo has been writing for 25 years. I’ve been struggling with writing thanks to Chemo, because it fogs the brain. I want to write everyday, but it’s a challenge. I’m whining after not even 3 years of writing, so thank you Leo for continuing to write, and inspiring us babies.

I have found over the years, that God has given me more than enough. Am I happy with what I have? I am overjoyed! Simplifying my life has brought me tremendous freedom!

How can less be more than enough? Time, patience, gratitude, and God.

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I am free to dream. What are those dreams? Well, one is writing. God has opened the door, just recently, for me to pursue another life-long dream. I will share more about that later. Focus Barbara.

Yesterday was my 12th Chemo Treatment, and now I will enjoy a 3 week break. I am so excited! Hopefully, the time off from Chemo, will allow me to practice my writing skills. You will see more of me, and in different ways.

To stay in practice, I have posted what’s on my heart, on my Letitgocoach Facebook Page. A writer has to write, so even though they are small, they are being well received. Thank you.

So, back to Enoughness. All I needed to start Blogging was a laptop. Well, that was easy enough. Looking around at my life, I always have what I need, when needed. The other day, my daughter needed a Sharpie. I knew we had to have one, I just wasn’t sure where. Looking through all the drawers to no avail, I opened a cabinet, to pull out a bowl. There was the Sharpie. It had fallen from the back of the drawer, and landed in the stack of bowls below.

Gratefulness. Staying grateful for everything God has given us. Even that Sharpie.

My mind is shutting down, so I leave you with Leo’s wisdom. This is his Blog about Enoughness, which I hope you will take a minute to enjoy. “All You Need, You Already Have.”

Much love. ❤

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com