Stopping to Go

Today, I gave my daughter the day off from being my daughter.

She harbors these ‘people pleasing’ abilities that will wear off over time. Her father’s hectic life is adding stress to hers, but he needs her more than I do right now. Not wanting to add to an already stressful situation, I encouraged her not to come home today as planned. She was grateful.

It’s my favorite time of day to sit in the middle of the bed. I grabbed one of my favorite platters, and filled it with Gouda, Organic cream cheese with Raspberry Chipotle sauce, Rosemary crackers, and black seedless grapes. The jury is still out whether this is a snack, or an early dinner.

snack

I went to an AA meeting at noon. I was in the midst of cleaning house, and didn’t mind stopping to go, if God saw fit. Walking through the motions of getting ready, I told God, “If you really want me to go, everything will fall into place seamlessly.” At 11:40, I was ready to walk out the door.

Walking into the meeting, I noticed a young lady sitting there that I haven’t seen before. She had made a similar deal with God.

“Okay God, If you want me to go to this meeting, someone will walk in that I need to see.”

Long story short, she asked me to be her temporary sponsor.

This is the second woman in the past 30 days that God has placed in my path to sponsor. I have no clue how to be a sponsor, but I know how to stay sober, and I can coach.

I sat down yesterday, and came across this page in SC Lourie’s new journal. It sums up precisely where I am today.

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The photo may be hard to read. Here is what it says.

“I had to stop waiting. Waiting to be that person I always hoped I would become. Waiting for that person to rescue me. Waiting until I felt ready. Waiting until I had healed. Waiting until I got things right. Waiting until I was seen, noticed, acknowledged, or remembered. Waiting for that ultimate day somewhere in the future that would change everything. Soon after, I realised something. You are either waiting, or you are living. I choose to live. To end the wait.” SC Lourie

 

Trust the Process

ferns

It was early morning as I was sat in the front porch swing, pondering my sobriety. November 10th will mark 19 years sober. It’s scary getting close to the 20 year mark because you want to keep it. God spoke to my heart and said, “What are you doing to protect it?” I had lost track of that piece of me. It was time to go back and visit Alcoholics Anonymous.

Walking into a meeting the topic was ‘Unity.’ That felt good.

Sitting, listening to people share, and gathering up wisdom from the room. I was taking notes for later, and my pen started writing without a thought. Looking at the page it read, “I don’t need an intimate relationship, but I do need/want love.” The date was Sunday, July 2nd, which was right before I Bled Out, and then came, You are Good.

I’ve been reading Melody Beattie. My heart is tender now, and I want to keep it. To keep a tender heart you have to douse yourself with the tender-hearted. Like the ferns on the porch that get drenched everyday, I’m going to trust the process.

 

Dear Sober Me

It’s been raining this week in Texas. The sun broke through the clouds this morning, beamed through the front windows, and filled my home with light. The air outside was cool, but the warmth of the sun felt fabulous. Now it’s cloudy again, but that is only the weather.

I am grateful every morning I wake up, but even more grateful to wake up sober. Today marks 18 years of sobriety for this chick. So, even though the weather is cloudy, my mind is not, and neither are my eyes. There is a lot on my mind at the moment, but my eyes are shining bright! Asking God for His help 18 years ago, was the best decision I ever made.

I just returned form a very long appointment with a Radiologist. Just to check my level of patience, they had me waiting from the very beginning. I went yesterday, which living in the woods, is a 45 minute drive to see them, one way. They had me scheduled with the wrong doctor, and asked me to come back today. So I did, and there was more waiting.

A nurse came in and asked me lots of questions. Once they were answered, another lady came in that is the doctor’s assistant. She liked to talk, and I sat there listening to her describe every aspect of radiation. By the third time I looked down at my lap and zoned out, she got the message and stopped talking. I just wanted to see the doctor and leave.

The doctor eventually came in and went over the same information as she. It was like they were trying to talk me into it or something, so I said, “What are my next steps, and when do we start?” They said their goodbye’s, and told me to expect a phone call this week, or next, about scheduling a scan of my breast. Two weeks after the scan, they will start treatment.

sobriety

It’s a good day to be sober. I cannot imagine following this Breast Cancer Journey hungover.

God took my desire to drink completely away when I asked. I can’t recall a craving in all these years, but the thought of a drink has crossed my mind. Fortunately, I learned very well that a glass of wine, or ten, does not fix anything. The circumstance I was drinking over was waiting on me the next day, along with whatever chaos I caused while drinking.

I was hoping my Breast Cancer Journey would be over by the end of the year. Radiation will begin sometime in December, and be 5 days a week, for six weeks. The journey will fall into the new year. My sponsor would ask me, “Would you like some cheese with that whine?” I have nothing to whine about. We will continue the journey as planned, and stay sober me.

 

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Barbara is a God follower, a Writer, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

Simplistic Journaling

I began Journaling when I got sober. It was a book of lined, blank pages which I had for years. The cover was imitation leather that resembled vinyl. I was determined to write how laying down the drink would change my life.

That book was nothing fancy, but it got me started. Today they have beautiful Journals that will entice you to use them. I have two new ones to use in the New Year. One is for ideas and the other one is a going to be my journal.

journal1The one you see here goes everywhere I go. When I have an idea or a revelation about something I’ve been pondering, it gets written down. As if it’s not pretty enough, I bought a blingy pen to write with. I leave it laying open on my desk throughout the day. When I leave the house, it goes too.

This one is where my creative juices can flow. It gets written in, starred, marked out and rewritten. Blog title, Blog ideas, social media vision, a resource to connect with, anything to expand my dream of encouraging others goes in there. I keep all the entries very simple and review often.

journal2Mr. Smith fussed at me for buying it. He wasn’t sure about the idea of me buying myself something so close to Christmas. I had actually seen it, pondered having it, and drug Mr. Smith back to the store with me to purchase it.

That episode made sense once I opened my Christmas from him. A new journal was included and it pertains part of our favorite Bible verse, 1 Corinthians 13:13.

This is the one I will use to catalog this year, but I have found a simpler way.

I have been known to stop journaling from lack of words to fill the page, so this works well. Before you retire, write a couple of lines about your day. You can sum it up in two or three lines, or you can jot down a couple of sweet memories from the day. Whatever works best; just keep it brief and do this every day is the plan.

This Blog has recorded a lot of my journey the past couple of years, but there have been spaces where I got tired of writing and took a break. My life has changed so much, and it’s been an accumulation of little things.  People, places and things happened over time and that is where I am on my path today. Jounaling simplistically will allow me to read about those little twists, turns and breadcrumbs along the way that got me to where I am at the end of 2016.

 

Gratitude and Acceptance

This is the beginning of the busiest time of life called, the Holiday season.  Menus are being hashed out among family members. It will be a short work week for most, so they can load up the car and start their journey to be with family Thanksgiving Day. I hope people will pause this week and be thankful. I believe we should pause every day for this.

blog1The first thing I learned in sobriety was being grateful. Waking up without a hangover was miraculous for me and gratitude began. It was suggested I make a Gratitude List. There were days, looking at my circumstances, I didn’t see much to be grateful for.

This forced me to look within myself and to stop looking at what was happening, or not happening around me.

Waking up and waking up sober was enough for me. Having those two things made everything else possible.

Do you accept where you are in life right now, at this very moment?

This week people will ponder being thankful. Accepting where you are and being grateful for everything you have, even if that is just breath in your body; be thankful. It may look like nothing, but it’s actually everything you need. Be patient and have a good attitude while you wait. God will give us more when we can be grateful for what we have and patiently wait for more.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer, die hard Entrepreneur and a Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and will only eat cake with real buttercream icing. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name given. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and God’s goodness. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t Do It

As I was dropping my daughter off yesterday, to spend the weekend with her Dad, she hugged me and said, “Don’t do anything Mom. Be still and wait on God.” She knows I am in an uncomfortable moment in life and shared her wisdom.

katieblogDoing what’s right and doing the next right thing is how I enjoy living my life. When I feel mistreated by someone in my life and it happens unexpectedly, I have to pause. My sponsor taught me, “Wait three days before making a decision.” The only behavior I can control is my own.

I am so grateful for sobriety today! Some things happened this week that would have not been pretty if I were still drinking. Drinking would have caused an irrational reaction and made matters much worse. Being sober gives me clarity of mind and I get to respond instead of reacting.

Drinking took pretty out of my life. It clouded my vision and thinking to the point of not enjoying the actual moment. As I sit and type this, I’m overlooking a lake. The breeze is lightly blowing across the water and with the sun hitting it at the same time, it looks like someone just dumped a truckload of glitter onto the surface. I get to see that today.

stormThere is a small storm brewing in my life right now. It was caused by the actions of others, but it’s still painful for me. I was listening to Joel Osteen during the drive to the lake yesterday. He was talking about being pushed into your purpose. What we feel right before the big push.

God uses pressure to make many things and that includes our character. My daughter saw the pressure I was under and encouraged me not to move. My circumstances are beckoning to be fixed, but I am determined to wait on God. I’m in the birth canal right before the push.

God will use what I’m going through for my good and His glory, as long as I stay out of it. The minute I step in and fix it, His power ceases. I like to think of it as a test. I want to pass it, so I don’t have to keep retaking it. God doesn’t cause trouble, but He will use it to make us better. The more quiet and still I become, the better I can hear. Being sober today shows me options I couldn’t see before. Thank you God for sobriety and for being with me in the storm.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 16 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Letitgocoach and help others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and enjoys Blogging about her life.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

Be Still And Know

It’s an honor and a privilege to be writing for the Sisters of Serenity and Sobriety each Friday. What a fabulous end to my work week! As soon as this happened last night, I looked at my daughter and said, “There’s my Blog for Katie!”

Losing my home and having it go through foreclosure years ago was heart wrenching. Ever since then I have rented a home to live in. Sometimes for a only a year, or maybe two years max. I enjoy moving and living wherever God leads.

growyou1The home my daughter and I live in today is an old farmhouse, on 5 acres, that has been restored to its natural beauty. We have been here four months and the rent is due the first week of the month. I received a text last night from my landlord, asking for it pronto. I made myself sit still.

If this would have happened before sobriety, it would have prompted me to drink. The majority of my income goes into PayPal, so it takes a few days for it to move into my checking. There was not enough money in my checking to cover rent this quickly. Time to breathe and respond.

I was so grateful for that moment. To be able to be caught off guard and not react in a drunken spew. Stopping and asking God for guidance and to be my words is all it took. We talked it through via text and it will all work out. The first thing I said to my daughter when it happened was, “This is a test. I have to pass this test!”

katieblogGod is making me better. It’s little things like this that make us stronger. I handed my landlord the check this morning and told him I have moved the money from PayPal, but when it shows up is in God’s hands. Moving forward, I will pay them on the first of every month. I don’t have to play the victim today and sit on a pity pot.

Living life on life’s terms sober is how I roll. Whatever life throws at me is for my good. It will grow me and if nothing else makes me grateful. Being grateful for a sound mind, not clouded by alcohol and a strong heart. To be able to love myself and not have to blame anyone for their behavior making me want to drink. I am free.

God is my fortress. He is my shelter from every storm. By walking through what lies ahead and getting to the other side unscathed, life is indeed beautiful. I encourage you today to be still and know, He is God. He doesn’t need our help, only our hearts.

 

blackandwhiteBarbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 16 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Letitgocoach and help others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is writing her first book.  You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com