Tag: sobriety

A Dreamy Bed

My heart beats a little bit faster for a dreamy bed.

My daughter was home over the weekend, and I wanted to let her catch up on some sleep. As I closed her bedroom door, this quote came to mind, and I remembered this photo on my vision board.

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The two combined became a meme.

I’ve been pondering linen for my bed, but have you priced linen sheets? The real ones are not merely a purchase. They’re a freakin’ investment! A linen bed-skirt would be a sweet touch, and keep the dust bunnies out from under the bed.

I have really good sheets on my bed.

I laid this napkin on the sheet this morning before making up the bed. Yes, the sheets feel as good as they look. The quality of mattress, sheets and pillow reflect the quality of sleep.

How you sleep, is how you feel the next day.

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The napkin is for a bar, but we use them on our coffee bar. Whoever said you need alcohol to get buzzed has never drank our coffee!

Hey there little mountain mover. If you’re gonna wake and move some mountains you’ll need really good coffee, and a dreamy bed.

Women Like Us

There was a comment left on my Blog that caused me to ponder. I had commented on a Blog I follow, and someone made a comment about my comment. My comment was, “My worst day sober, is still better than my best day drunk.”

This Blogger enjoyed my comment, and I’m guessing had not heard it before. She most likely wouldn’t hear it unless she goes to AA. That is where I heard it, but for me, those sayings are part of my sobriety.

AA is the one place I’ve always been able to walk in and feel accepted. Everyone there has a common problem. Alcohol.

♥ ♥ ♥

I met a friend this week for coffee.

Our favorite Barista was working and he always spoils us. My friend couldn’t decide what she wanted to drink, but he was going to help her decide. She told him what she wanted by naming a list of ingredients. This drink wasn’t on the menu, but he was willing to make something just for her.

We sat down at a table and he brought her drink over shortly. When he sat it on the table, it was like unveiling a masterpiece. This drink was so worthy of my friend.

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I watched her face and you could see she felt the love and care poured into her mug.

She enjoyed every sip, and to be perfectly honest it didn’t compare to my bowl of coffee. Our Barista came by to check on us and asked if I would like one too. I jumped at the opportunity to have a drink just like my friends. Then he said…

“It won’t be exactly like hers because I like to leave room for improvement.” He had learned some things the first time and would apply that to mine.

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The same drink but it looks different.

The Barista made more than enough for my drink and asked my friend if she wanted it. That is the whole purpose of our meeting. To refill one another’s cup!

I learn from this woman and she tells me straight up. I don’t have to agree with every word, but I respect her wisdom. We love each other, but we also have a bond of core values. We meet for coffee and dust each other off so we can continue our journey.

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Women like us are supposed to straighten one another’s crown. Not say, “It’s crooked.”

Women like us are ‘doers’, and we blaze a trail. Sometimes we get into trouble and we have to revert back to the rule book.

Women like us have huge hearts, but are particular about who receives a piece.

Women like us don’t need approval, and we run up against opposition frequently.

Women like us are zero drama, but that doesn’t stop it from occurring around us.

♥ ♥ ♥

AA introduced me to a God of my understanding, but my friend and I know the same God. We meet for coffee and inspire one another to be women like us.

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Hopes and Dreams

Hopes and dreams. Otherwise, our lives merely exist.

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This photo popped up on my Facebook news-feed.

My heart ran as fast as it could into that photo! My life is simple, so skip the fancy couch. A Yoga mat, or pillow will do just fine. The view is what made filled my heart and soul.

To live by the sea is a ‘hope and dream’ of mine.

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God gives revelation in yearly increments.

Once 30 years had passed, I knew my life would change. At the age of 35, my daughter was born, and by 40, my marriage was an unhealthy space for everyone involved. After trying to make it work for 8 more years, God opened a door for us to leave. At 48, my daughter and I began our new life together, with God.

Seeing this quote by Jung stirred up memories. My life continues to change, but is it my life changing, or my soul?  My soul is awake as well. ‘Hope’, is what keeps us here, but ‘Dreams’ are where the soul roams.

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Dear Sober Me

It’s been raining this week in Texas. The sun broke through the clouds this morning, beamed through the front windows, and filled my home with light. The air outside was cool, but the warmth of the sun felt fabulous. Now it’s cloudy again, but that is only the weather.

I am grateful every morning I wake up, but even more grateful to wake up sober. Today marks 18 years of sobriety for this chick. So, even though the weather is cloudy, my mind is not, and neither are my eyes. There is a lot on my mind at the moment, but my eyes are shining bright! Asking God for His help 18 years ago, was the best decision I ever made.

I just returned form a very long appointment with a Radiologist. Just to check my level of patience, they had me waiting from the very beginning. I went yesterday, which living in the woods, is a 45 minute drive to see them, one way. They had me scheduled with the wrong doctor, and asked me to come back today. So I did, and there was more waiting.

A nurse came in and asked me lots of questions. Once they were answered, another lady came in that is the doctor’s assistant. She liked to talk, and I sat there listening to her describe every aspect of radiation. By the third time I looked down at my lap and zoned out, she got the message and stopped talking. I just wanted to see the doctor and leave.

The doctor eventually came in and went over the same information as she. It was like they were trying to talk me into it or something, so I said, “What are my next steps, and when do we start?” They said their goodbye’s, and told me to expect a phone call this week, or next, about scheduling a scan of my breast.

Two weeks after the scan, they will start treatment.

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It’s a good day to be sober. I cannot imagine following this Breast Cancer Journey hungover.

God took my desire to drink completely away when I asked. I can’t recall a craving in all these years, but the thought of a drink has crossed my mind. Fortunately, I learned very well that a glass of wine, or ten, does not fix anything. The circumstance I was drinking over was waiting on me the next day, along with whatever chaos I caused while drinking.

I was hoping my Breast Cancer Journey would be over by the end of the year. Radiation will begin sometime in December, and be 5 days a week, for six weeks. The journey will fall into the new year. My sponsor would ask me, “Would you like some cheese with that whine?” I have nothing to whine about. We will continue the journey as planned, and stay sober me.

Only Our Hearts

It’s an honor to be writing for the Sisters of Serenity and Sobriety each Friday. What a fabulous end to my work week!

Losing my home and having it go through foreclosure years ago was heart wrenching. Ever since then I have rented a home to live in. Sometimes for a only a year, or two, but we enjoy moving, and living wherever God leads.

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The home my daughter and I live in today is an old farmhouse, on 5 acres, that has been restored to its natural beauty. We have been here four months and the rent is due the first week of the month. I received a text last night from my landlord, asking for it pronto. I made myself sit still.

If this would have happened before sobriety, it would have prompted me to drink. The majority of my income goes into PayPal, so it takes a few days for it to move into my checking. There was not enough money in my checking to cover rent this quickly.

I was so grateful for that moment. To be able to be caught off guard and not react in a drunken spew. Stopping and asking God for guidance and to be my words is all it took. We talked it through via text and it will all work out. The first thing I said to my daughter when it happened was, “This is a test. I have to pass this test!”

It’s little things like this that make us stronger. I handed my landlord the check this morning and told him I have moved the money from PayPal, but when it shows up is in God’s hands. Moving forward, I will pay them on the first of every month.

I encourage you today to be still and know, He is God. He doesn’t need our help, only our hearts.

A Spiritual Awakening

I thank God every morning for waking me up and waking me up sober. He gave me my sobriety and I wouldn’t have the life I have today if I were still drinking. My daughter wouldn’t be here, and I’m not certain that I would be either.

You know me as Letitgocoach and that is what I am. Maybe what you don’t know is, my name is Barb H., and I am an alcoholic. For almost 17 years I have been walking into AA meetings and saying those words. I don’t go to meetings for myself anymore. Being blessed with sobriety for this long, I go to see how I can be of service to others.

My heart still breaks for the newcomer, as they sit there weeping. I cried at every meeting for 30 days when I began.

My story is not unlike anyone else’s.

I started out a social drinker and entertained my then husbands business professionals, so I didn’t have to leave home to drink. He bought cases of fine wine and my favorite part of the evening was the clean up. Pouring all the leftover wine into one massive wine glass and drinking it. That sounds pretty disgusting now, but back then it was normal. The things we do for a drink.

A part of my story you don’t hear much anymore is, I had a spiritual awakening. Yes, I heard God’s voice as He spoke to me. God answered my cry for help, and if that doesn’t sober you up, I don’t know what will.

It was obvious I was at the lowest part of my life. My husband of 10 years had given me an ultimatum. Get help, or I’m leaving with our son. My body was down to an unhealthy weight of 98 lbs, which is not good for a woman almost 5′ 9″.  I needed help, but didn’t know where to turn.

The next morning, I popped my son on the school bus, made my way up the steep driveway and into the house. It was cloudy and dark outside which suited me to leave the house dark as well. I poured some wine into a short Tupperware cup and climbed up the staircase in the two story foyer. I sat at the top of the stairs just staring off into space.

Then came the tears and frustration. The knowing I could not live like this anymore. I was in my early 30’s and had been drinking like this since my teens. I looked up at the palladium window at the top of the foyer. The clouds were rolling by and I could barely see any light. All I knew to do was cry out to God for help, so I cried, “God, help me”!!!

Looking at the bottom of the stairs, I see a light coming through the window, landing in the foyer and touching the bottom stair. It started coming up the stairs straight toward me as I sat there frozen. It went right over me, and I felt a warm hand pressing down on my shoulder.

Then I heard a deep, soothing voice in response to my cry. The voice said, “I will.” That was it.

Standing up and trying to walk was next. I was pretty well shaken, plus a little hungover, but walked into the office where we kept a phone book. Searching for AA meetings, I called a hot-line that helped guide me to the closest one. That day I walked into the first of many AA meetings.

God took my desire to drink completely away. I don’t struggle with thoughts of drinking. We even continued to entertain for years after I got sober. It wasn’t always fun, but I enjoyed the fact that I could entertain and be able to remember it the next day.

My marriage didn’t make it.

Drinking excessively during our dating on into our marriage, it makes sense, when you take away the alcohol, you wind up strangers.

We tried for 12 more years to make it work, but we were two different people. He couldn’t forget the past and I was in the present moment looking toward the future. He didn’t know what to do with a woman that didn’t drink, and I didn’t know either.

This is the past that brought me to where I am today. Letitgocoach is Barb H. and I’m a recovered alcoholic.

Someone You Love

I have people in my life who don’t like people. God wants us to love one another, so there’s a challenge here. My mission is to help the hurt. How do I listen to all the pain? I listen, but don’t take it with me. It’s not personal.

When it’s personal, I have the choice of allowing myself to be hurt, or letting it go. When people are hurt, they tend to hurt whoever is nearby. Past experiences have taught them a reliable outcome. Show them different.

When I allow someone to hurt me, my first response is to back away from them. Doing that would ensure I have a safe and calm life. To take the pain as a lesson learned, and move forward, even if it’s alone.

There is going to be pain and misunderstanding in any relationship. That is part of caring. The pain puts us at a crossroad, and I choose which way to go. Moving backwards has never served me well, so forward it is.

The good of the relationship needs to outweigh the bad. I have expectations for myself and those flow onto my relationships. I treat people the way I want to be treated. I’m not willing to lower my expectations to stay.

Let go of the pain in your life, even if it’s disguised as someone you love.