Finding That Balance

For brunch, I chose a different chair to sit in at the dining room table. One I don’t normally use. Still disrupting patterns.

This dining room chair offered a spectacular view of the front yard. A warm breeze was blowing, and I noticed the Whirligig, with it’s one side spinning. It’s double-sided, but only one side of it spins. The other side stands still.

My daughter reminded me that the Whirligig fell over in the yard once, so it must be bent. I’ve tried fixing it, to help it spin to no avail, so today I took a more gentle approach, to observe.

whirlygig

I didn’t see anything majorly bent, but it was off balance.

I saw it as two sides of life. Sometimes it’s moving rapidly and spinning freely, and other times if feels as if nothing is happening, and it’s still. I studied one side, and the other, then noticed this difference. The side that spins freely, has some extra space.

Where one set of circles end, and another set begins, there’s a gap. I put some space between the circles on the non-spinning side by gently separating the ends. It began rocking back, and forth, like it could finally breathe and find it’s balance.

Putting space between our thoughts, creates pause between our actions. There’s a balance. If we move too quickly after the thought, it’s an impulsive move. If we keep putting it off, it can fall into procrastination, or soon be forgotten altogether.

I’m using the self trust cultivator to move more promptly with my thoughts. If it seems like a good idea, or something that can easily be accomplished, I do it and it becomes a part of the done list.

balance

But I had to create space first. Up next, creating that space.

A Rested Heart

heart

Taking care of your own heart.

It’s something nobody else can do for you. It’s yours, and can only be cared for by you.

It’s trying to get your attention. What it wants, and what you need, are one in the same.

You just may not realize it yet.

My heart is saying it’s time for rest.

A fresh start with a rested heart.

Watching It Unfold

I woke up early for a Saturday.

That my darlings was an answered prayer. I’ve been wanting to find that habit of waking up early again, and my Higher Power is helping me.

white and grey ceramic mug on brown wooden table
Photo by Honza Kurka on Pexels.com

I’ve noticed something about my dogs.

My favorite time to write is in the stillness of morning. Their dog beds are laying on the floor beside my desk in the den, and they are curled asleep as I type. They will lay there for about an hour, or until I click publish. That has been what I’ve noticed the past few days.

Maybe you’re thinking it’s because I’m still, they are still. No my lovely…they curl up first, like setting the stage for a Blog post. Even walking over to the coffee bar to refill my cup doesn’t phase them. They know coffee goes well with this.

I can write any time of day, but this morning I want to thank my dogs for showing me that favorite time to write. It’s worth waking up early to have an opportunity like this.

Now, it’s time to shower and get ready for the best part of the day. Watching it unfold.

Wait For It

I forced myself to stop Blogging.

When I challenged myself to post a Blog a day in December, over time I hit a stride. That groove of posting everyday became a daily ritual, but was it fulfilling?

On into January, I was still posting everyday, but began to slow the pace. After posting The Mindless Activity I made the decision to stop for one week. That’s not easy once an action becomes ingrained.

It was as if I had created a new daily habit, but I don’t wish to become a daily Blogger.

I thought about it everyday, but told myself to wait. I’d hit the pause button and let the Blog ideas go. I knew from past experience not to pause too long. It’s very difficult to come back to it, with that struggle of paused to restart.

Some wait too long and don’t come back. That’s not for me, but I do want to hit a stride that works. Timing means a great deal while writing. To wait for that stillness, that deafening silence once the dust settles from the day or the week. Even if it drops to once a week, I’m going to wait for it.

The Mindless Activity

The best ideas occur while showering.

They used to form while vacuuming, but this house doesn’t have any carpet, so the vacuum isn’t used often. While washing dishes is another good mindless activity.

These are things we do without thinking. They don’t take concentration, so the mind has room for an idea to surface.

In my case, I was showering when the idea popped into the forefront of my mind. The idea was not new. I’ve done this same idea 15 years ago. It doesn’t have to be new to be good. The great thing about doing it 10 or 20 years later, is what I learned the first time.

With age comes wisdom.

excited

With age also comes hesitation.

My daughter and I have had an electric dishwasher in every house we’ve lived in. They never get used. There’s something about using your hands that releases the idea. The best ideas occur when we’re not thinking. Dreams of the heart don’t leave, they get buried.

Maybe this explains my love for the Chemex. Using my hands to bring about the first cup of coffee. Look around and see what you can do with your hands. We’re not looking for new, because God always starts at the beginning. What’s on your heart that’s waiting to begin?

Use your hands in a mindless activity.

Redefining Self Care

Self-care began as a weekend treat, but now it’s a part of my everyday life. My neighbor saw me sitting outside and asked, “What are you doing Barbara?”

Me: “Staring at a page with a question in the middle of it! It says, ‘I want to say thank you to myself because…'” He just nodded his head and said, “Okay Barbara!” 🙂

It didn’t phase him one bit. He thought it was normal for me to be doing that. I still haven’t filled in the page. How often have I said, ‘thank you’ to me?

thankyou

I can recall a handful of times.

This month I can feel a shift.

I show up for myself everyday, no matter what happened the previous day. To just continually show up and remain present. “Be still and know that I am God”, is one of my favorite verses. A season of stillness is where I am and so thankful to be aware and acknowledge it.

And be good with it.

I can begin filling in the page with, “Thank you Barbara for being still and standing calmly in place.” Just by showing up every day, no matter the circumstances, is a redefinition of self care.

Do For Themselves

I always know when it’s time to write.

Whether it be in a journal, my book, or here.

The dogs become quiet and the house falls into a deafening stillness. The birds are singing in the front yard even though there is no bird feeder.

The squirrels left, but the birds stayed.

quiet

It’s been a little more than a week since I began praying over my daughter everyday. These are serious prayers that will bring breakthrough. I’m already beginning to see cracks in her armor.

She hasn’t been anxious or depressed that I’ve seen. The only thing she has mentioned is, she is tired. I believe it’s from carrying the burden for so long.

I’m using Stormie Omartian’s book, “The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children.” My daughter sees it laying out and it relocates day to day, so she knows it’s being used. I didn’t have to announce my mission. She knows I’m on a spiritual war path.

The only thing I’ve mentioned to her was something I read in the book. Omartian writes, “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.” (Proverbs 12:25)

This gave her food for thought.

If you want to pray but not sure where to begin, a good start is Stormie Omartian’s books. She has one for every topic and has written one for Emotional Wholeness and Wellness. I will use that one next.

That book has a chapter for anxiety and depression, but my daughter will have to pray that for herself.

As a parent we are living examples and do for them until they are ready to do for themselves.

Moments of Happiness

Fresh flowers, coffee, and Bella Grace. 🙂

Listening for quiet

Making a coffee pour over has a calming effect over me.

Once I go through all the steps of setting it up, I’m forced to slow down, and enjoy the process. Watching as the boiling hot water, slowly escapes from the spout of the pour over kettle. It hits the coarse grounds, and they begin to bloom. (My fave) Today, I poured the water very slowly, in attempt to keep the bloom alive for as long as possible.

bloom1
That magnificent bloom.

I listened intently during the process. When the water first hit the grounds, and the liquid drained into the empty cup, it was noisy. I could hear it trickling. As the cup filled with the hot liquid, the trickling became quieter, and quieter.

pourover

I knew the cup was full when it was completely quiet.

I Planted Weeds

Earlier this week, I went to see my friend Stephanie.

She gave me the courage to try my hand at plants again.

I took one look at her wrought iron fencing, and fell in love.

weed1

It’s a weed, but look at how delicate the greenery is. It has tiny red flowers that bloom in the shape of a trumpet. Walking into the shop, I found Stephanie and asked her about it. She said it comes up every year, but this was my first time seeing it. She saw the look in my eyes, and said, “Come on! Lemme get the water hose, and I’ll dig you some up!”

She gave me plenty to bring home and plant, and I planted it along the fence facing the bedroom windows. I am not sure how I went from nurturing and growing plants, to planting weeds, but I like it.

weed2

I’ve been reading Melody Beattie a lot lately. She is ahead of me on this journey of finding yourself, but we have similar hearts. Here are some of her words that resonated with me.

“Be still and know that I am God. Stillness is a place. Become familiar with stillness. Take time to learn it’s power.” Stillness is found when being still, and becoming present in that moment.

“Find a balance that is right for you.”

“Become sensitive to your needs.”

“Inhale, receive. Exhale, give back.”

“Clear resentments from your heart.”

“Learn to be calm.”

“All you have to do about your feelings is feel them.”

“Embrace each cycle of your life.”

“The answers are in your heart. Go back-think-when was your heart it’s happiest? Go back to your heart. It will always lead you home.” Home is where the heart is. I’m going home.