Tag: #stressful

When We Travel

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We are flying to Missouri tomorrow.

That is where my daughter’s boyfriend lives. He came here at Christmas, so it’s her turn to go there. I was suckered into this trip, but I’m coming around, and almost excited about it.

I don’t have good memories of traveling during my marriage to her father. It was always stressful, but it doesn’t have to be that way now.

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I told myself from the very beginning, I would do this for my daughter. That made it easier to accept because I would do anything for her. As time rolled by, I would ponder the trip, and pull positives from it.

I’m going to think of it as a mini getaway, a change of scenery, or my first plane trip since my Cancer journey.

She will be with her boyfriend most of the time, so I will have a lot of me time. I’m going to work on my book that I started before Cancer.

We are packing today, and it’s very quiet as we do so. I hope she feels my light heart from across the hall. As Mother’s part of our job is to take stress away from our child’s life. That has been my mission anyways. She continually takes the stress out of mine.

Even when we travel.

Different Is Good

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When I’m at the lake, the coffee maker usually wakes me up. It’s set on a timer to start brewing, but this morning that didn’t happen.

I overslept because I forgot to add water.

This year has been so different. Not only walking through Breast Cancer, but my daughter and I were apart for Thanksgiving.

This was when having two separate lives showed up. She felt led to be with her father, and I wanted to be with Chef and his family. I missed her terribly, but it was nice cooking with Chef, and having Thanksgiving here.

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I have spent twenty something years cooking the entire Thanksgiving dinner myself. This year I was only responsible for two dishes. The dressing, and some sweet potatoes. Chef had everything else under control. We were going to cook the entire dinner for his family. It’s funny looking at it now, but I was so nervous about cooking the dressing!

His Mother has always made the dressing, and I was in charge of making something they had certain memories of. Keeping it Grandma’s Dressing recipe, all I could do was my very best. Thanksgiving morning, Mr. Smith went to his families home to put the turkey in the oven, and I started making my dressing. Why was I so nervous about making this one dish?

Meanwhile, my daughter had volunteered to cook Thanksgiving dinner for her Dad, and brother. She called me stressed out about cooking the ham. Being a mother, I just wanted to step in and help her, but I couldn’t. This was something she chose to do, and at 17 years old, I had faith that she could.

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She did all of this. I love the way she put the pottery I left behind to good use. This picture reflects what she saw over the years, and she duplicated it amazingly well at her young age. She make it look like Thanksgiving, even though we were apart.

The expectations we place on ourselves can be brutal.

My daughter and I both have a bit of perfectionism we struggle to let go of. The dressing turned out well, and we had a beautiful Thanksgiving. Chef did an amazing job in his Mother’s kitchen, pulling the entire meal together in record time. It’s incredible to watch him, and he only burned his fingers twice.

Maybe your holiday’s look different this year, but I am finding that different is good.

Letting go of expectations of myself, allows me to enjoy what’s in front of me instead.

 

Let it Flow

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I am sitting firmly in my sweet spot. It’s mornings like this I used to look out my window and gaze at Stork as I write. My new house doesn’t have a pond, so there is no Stork.

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I miss Stork, but I love our new home.

Sometimes we have to pull away from what we once loved to love again even more. Letting go of one home to move into another was bittersweet, but the rewards have been endless. Everyday I notice little things that this house has that I’ve always wanted. Just little things that are there waiting for me to use. I wanted to hang my two flower baskets up on the porch, but only saw one hanger. Looking more closely, there was a second hook already in place, patiently waiting.

My daughter and I are going to have a busy weekend! Preparing the email to send her father, letting him know his time with her will be different days, used to stress me out. I’m looking at it today as doing the next right thing. Making him aware of a change in schedule is a courtesy. Just because I couldn’t love him as a wife, doesn’t mean he’s not a good father.

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Walking away from a 25 year marriage was the hardest decision I ever had to make. In a few weeks, it will have been two years since the U haul went from one home to the next. The hardest decisions are always the best.

That was the last hard decision I had to make. There have been important decisions everyday, but nothing quite so life altering. People and situations simply flow in and out of my life. Everything happens for a reason, for the greater good and God’s glory. Allow what you wish to keep.

I have learned and loved these past two years. None of it has been painful enough to scar me, but it has changed me. Being grateful or thankful is the key to my happiness. I love my life today, and my life loves me. Let it flow.