Letting Go, Present Moment, Quality of life

Catch the Overflow

I still drench the Boston Ferns twice a day. It is hot in Texas, and they hang outside. I would want to be drenched too.

Letting go is a continuous process. Before I brought home my first plant, I drank my own medicine, and posted this. seewhatstays

A lady commented, “If you don’t like what stays, you have a decision to make.” I let it all go, and chose what stayed.

I thought I was clearing my platter to make room for more.

When I was actually clearing a space to make room for me.

There is an Asparagus Fern on the porch, that has been moved a dozen times. It didn’t look happy, or that it was getting everything it needed to thrive. Knowing they can take full sun, and shade, it was a challenge finding the right spot.

“I’m loving the metaphor of your plants as they bloom and grow. Your posts feel like fresh water to my dry roots xx”

Thanks to that comment, I knew where to move the Asparagus Fern.

It receives the overflow from the drenching of where this began. My cup runneth over. Catch the overflow.

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Can you see the trickle of water?
Present Moment, Quality of life

Finding Favor

We are in Missouri! God’s favor is all over this trip. I have a fireplace in my room, and Starbuck’s is right across the street. It’s cold, but nothing like Texas cold. I’m grateful.

The first thing on the Agenda today, was a haircut. I literally woke up with more hair than desired. The rental car is a Jeep Cherokee, so you know my daughter and I had a squealing Gilmore Girls moment over that! I hopped in and drove across the street to a shopping center, and after circling around the building, there was a salon named, “Bliss”. Perfect.

They could probably tell I was from Texas. I walked in wearing a white t-shirt, jeans, boots, and a jean jacket. If they couldn’t tell by looking at me, they knew as soon as I opened my mouth! This young girl offered to cut my hair, and I told her what I wanted. “Leave the top, and shave the sides and back. I’m going for the James Charles look, without the makeup.”

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Mugshot looking photo of James Charles.

She didn’t know James Charles, so I had to show her a picture. If you don’t know who he is, James is Cover Girl’s first “Cover Boy!” Not only is he beautiful, he has massively good hair.

The hairstylist met me at the counter with a bag filled with goodies. It was her way of saying thank you, and it was very sweet. Below the counter were some candles for sale, and not just any candle. One of my faves, Woodwick. I was sitting in my hotel room lastnight missing my candles. They give a feeling of warmth, and they make your space smell great.

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It was like she knew my heart, and put my favorite color tissue in the bag. Red and gold.

God knows my heart, and this is a picture of complete happiness for this girl.

Yes, I got stranded at Starbucks for a while. Where I chose to park, was where the trucks like to unload, so I was blocked in. That’s okay, because I am in ‘No Rush’ mode today.

I went into Starbucks, and placed my order. As I was waiting, I saw some mugs they had on clearance. Like, I need one more mug, but this was not a need. It was a longtime want.

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I saw this mug at Christmas, and wanted it then, but it was full price. Today, it was the only one sitting there like it, and it was half price. Come to Mama! I see it as God’s favor.

The title of this Blog came to me as I arrived back at the hotel. I came into my room, turned on the fireplace, lit my new candle, and started a cup of tea. Picking up my daily devotional, this is what today’s word said. It reminded me of how every moment has been covered in His favor. From the flight, to the rental car, to the hotel, and especially today.

“Trust Me Enough to spend ample time with Me, pushing back the demands of the day. Refuse to feel guilty about something that is so pleasing to Me, the King of the universe. Because I am omnipotent, I am able to bend time and events in your favor. Also, as you align yourself with My perspective, you can sort out what is important, and what is not.” (Excerpt from Jesus Calling page 43)

I hope you are seeing God’s favor in your life. No coincidence, just finding favor.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

Present Moment, Quality of life

Make It Pretty

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Each day looks different.

I woke up this morning and walked through the den to see a ginormous Christmas tree sitting there. My daughter has been in charge of our tree for the past three Christmases.

That is something I had to let go of. She doesn’t remember my past life of the perfect tree. It was artificial, and pre-lit with hundreds of white lights. There was usually a theme for the tree and the house. I had a florist that would arrive shortly after Thanksgiving to decorate.

It had to look good. That was my motto in life. There is a difference between ‘looking good’, and being pretty. We can cause almost anything to look good with enough help, even ourselves, but to be pretty. That is when I just stroll by and something catches my eye for it’s actual being. It’s just there being pretty. That is the life I have today, and I love my life.

A simple life.

When my daughter and I moved out on our own, we knew holidays, and special occasions were going to look different. I left a lot of things we were used to seeing, especially this time of year. The giant Santa that sat by the front door, elegantly robed in red velvet with precise attention to detail. He was the perfect vision of a Santa, and he cost a small fortune.

I recall walking up to the barn, which housed our Christmas paraphernalia, before we left. I can still feel the sense of overwhelm when thinking about it. Just seeing all this Christmas stuff we had collected for 25 years, laying everywhere. The ginormous tree was laying in three pieces, and looked sad and broken. I drug that tree out to the street for the trash man.

My life at that point and time felt totally trashed. We could make it look pretty with all these things, like we had for years, or I could walk away and begin again. It was time to get real.

My daughter and I started a new tradition by going to a Christmas tree farm for our tree. The house and life we had was all new, so choosing the right tree was a challenge. I still recall the look on her face when she found our tree. After walking the field for what seemed like forever, she came upon what she thought was a big, fluffy tree. It was actually two of them.

Two trees had clung to each other while growing, and they had grown together. The guy at the tree farm thought we were crazy for sure when we asked him to cut them both down.

They gave us a really good deal on the trees because it was obvious they weren’t completely whole by themselves, but together they were pretty amazing. That is how I saw our new life.

Last Christmas is a blur to me. I’m sure we had a tree because we looked for a very long time to find one. My daughter didn’t find one she liked at the farm last year. We were walking into the grocery store, and one was standing out front sorta alone. She looked at it again on the way out, but kept walking to the truck. Needless to say, we went back to get it.

My mother passed away last December, so we drove to North Carolina to be with family.

That within itself was an enormous adventure, and with it being Christmastime, it felt completely out of the norm. I don’t remember much about last Christmas because we were not home, but this one will be different. We are home, and she found her perfect tree at the farm. Again, walking the field, but this time in the rain, and wind, she eventually found it.

Let’s just say, “Thank God I drive a truck.” This tree takes up half our den in width. I had to let go of my ideas, to embrace my daughter’s creativity. The size and shape didn’t matter as long as I could get to the front door. This only happens once a year, so I let her run with it. I’ve never had a tree like this before, and she chose a theme that I was unsure of at first.

Cool white LED lights is what she chose. I was used to soft white, but let it go. She chose this garland that is way too much fun. It looks like strips of iridescence, glitter and taffeta.

Then she saw the icicles. I had rather dark memories of icicles, so I steered clear of them until now. They are messy, and yes, I see some this morning on the hardwood floor. I’ve been picking them up and throwing them on the tree like, “Here, these belong to you.”

As I saw how this tree was unfolding, and the theme she was trying to achieve, I went crazy with the tree topper. Not your traditional topper anymore. No, we now have a giant, frosted, glittery cupcake atop the tree. Because our mantra is, “Cake and icing will fix anything. ”

Walking into the den this morning, I could feel the presence of the tree before I even saw it.

It’s so different than what I have been used to, but it’s the most beautiful tree I’ve ever had.

It looks like a winter wonderland standing in the den. She wrapped the base in artificial snow, and has a pouch of glitter and more iridescence ready to be opened and added today.

I spent years with no glitter in my house because of the mess it made. The same with the icicles. My daughter was gazing at the tree lastnight, admiring her handiwork, as the heat started blowing through the vent above. She said, “I love the way the icicles sparkle when the air hits them.” This year is different, but it sure is pretty. I hope you have lots of glitter.

 

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Barbara is a God follower, a Writer, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

Breast Cancer Journey, Present Moment, Quality of life

Dear Sober Me

It’s been raining this week in Texas. The sun broke through the clouds this morning, beamed through the front windows, and filled my home with light. The air outside was cool, but the warmth of the sun felt fabulous. Now it’s cloudy again, but that is only the weather.

I am grateful every morning I wake up, but even more grateful to wake up sober. Today marks 18 years of sobriety for this chick. So, even though the weather is cloudy, my mind is not, and neither are my eyes. There is a lot on my mind at the moment, but my eyes are shining bright! Asking God for His help 18 years ago, was the best decision I ever made.

I just returned form a very long appointment with a Radiologist. Just to check my level of patience, they had me waiting from the very beginning. I went yesterday, which living in the woods, is a 45 minute drive to see them, one way. They had me scheduled with the wrong doctor, and asked me to come back today. So I did, and there was more waiting.

A nurse came in and asked me lots of questions. Once they were answered, another lady came in that is the doctor’s assistant. She liked to talk, and I sat there listening to her describe every aspect of radiation. By the third time I looked down at my lap and zoned out, she got the message and stopped talking. I just wanted to see the doctor and leave.

The doctor eventually came in and went over the same information as she. It was like they were trying to talk me into it or something, so I said, “What are my next steps, and when do we start?” They said their goodbye’s, and told me to expect a phone call this week, or next, about scheduling a scan of my breast. Two weeks after the scan, they will start treatment.

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It’s a good day to be sober. I cannot imagine following this Breast Cancer Journey hungover.

God took my desire to drink completely away when I asked. I can’t recall a craving in all these years, but the thought of a drink has crossed my mind. Fortunately, I learned very well that a glass of wine, or ten, does not fix anything. The circumstance I was drinking over was waiting on me the next day, along with whatever chaos I caused while drinking.

I was hoping my Breast Cancer Journey would be over by the end of the year. Radiation will begin sometime in December, and be 5 days a week, for six weeks. The journey will fall into the new year. My sponsor would ask me, “Would you like some cheese with that whine?” I have nothing to whine about. We will continue the journey as planned, and stay sober me.

 

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Barbara is a God follower, a Writer, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

Breast Cancer Journey, Present Moment, Quality of life

Surviving The Storm

I have a bowl of candy corn sitting on the dining room table. When I wake up, I eventually make my way to that bowl and eat a piece. I don’t buy it year round, or stock up at the end of the season. It’s one of life’s little pleasures for me that I wait for and enjoy while it’s here.

As I’m typing this, the sky is just starting to get light. I sat outside in the porch swing this morning at 5 am. It was dark, quiet, and cold to me. That is how you know a new season is coming in Texas. You put on jeans and a flannel to sit outside, instead of shorts and a tank.

Even though it was dark, I knew it was a new day. In time, the sky would turn blue, and there would be color coming over the horizon. It won’t stay quiet because all God’s creatures will begin announcing the new day. I love sitting and listening to the quiet.

How do you know there is a new season coming over the horizon in your life?

You can feel it.

Just like the change in air temperature this morning on my skin, I can feel a new season is approaching. My last Chemo was a week ago, so thank God that is over. As I sat in the porch swing this morning, my mind was showing me snippets of myself from this year. There was a time not so long ago, the pain in my breast would wake me up and I would sit outside.

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Once I went to the doctor, and received my diagnosis of Breast Cancer, the pain subsided. There has been no more pain, but to get me to the doctor, God used pain. To get me on this path of healing, there was pain involved. Maybe you are going through something painful right now. Let me encourage you to surrender to that pain, and trust that God has a plan.

My mind showed me pictures of sitting in the Chemo chair. Sixteen times at least, and each time took three to five hours. There was one time, my body had an allergic reaction to one of the premeds. They had to unplug me from that, and give me meds for the reaction, and start all over again. That day I closed the place down, and sat in that chair for eight hours.

As you can imagine, the first lesson I learned was how to sit still. I’ve never been good at it. Oh, I could sit still if it was my choice, but to sit still with no choice was very hard for me.

After I came home full of Chemo, my body would just shut down. It would lay in bed for days, and not want to move. I had to tell it what to do. Drink water, and go pee. Sit up and eat something. Three days was as long as I could go without a shower. Just standing in the shower was a major feat. I had to teach my body every week what to do to stay on this path.

Now that the Chemo is over, my body can finish healing. It knows the drill by now, and is expecting to get hit with more Chemo after three weeks. I’m so excited to see how it feels to not get hit. To feel my body continue to heal, and start gaining the weight back that it lost. To feel strength come back into what used to be muscle. To stay out of bed more than in it.

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So, what about the heart? God showed me this week I have closed my heart off as to protect it. My body has been in survival mode for months, so it would seem, my heart followed suit.

Just like teaching my body that everything’s going to be okay, I had to tell my heart that this morning too. I could feel the hardness melt away, and it open up again. I can feel it beating.

The storm will cause us to hit the pause button on our life, and just try to survive. I am not the same person physically, mentally, or spiritually after Chemo. I believe I am better, and will continue to grow. We can either sit in the darkness, usually alone, or wait patiently for it to be light. Today I can feel the warm of the light not only on my skin, but also in my heart.

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Barbara is a God follower, a Writer, and Mom to her 17-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Part of her mission is to show people they can start over at 50. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

Bailey being blessed, Present Moment, Quality of life

Them Gilmore Girls

I heard the best line ever yesterday. My daughter, and I were sitting in a restaurant, when this little old man approached our table. He nodded at my bald head and said, “Is it medical? Or do you want your head to look that way?” I busted out laughing, he smiled, and it was all good.

I thought when I lost my hair thanks to Chemo, I would learn how to tie all these beautiful scarves to cover my head. Well, that didn’t happen. I live in Texas so, scarves are hot! In the beginning stages, I thought I was covering my head to make myself less scary looking.  It turns out, I was covering it to mask what I am going through. No scarf? People approach.

This has been a week of love, and learning. My daughter turns 17 on Monday, August 8th. I took time and gave her a little something each day that reminded me of our life together, or something I wanted her to know for the future, along with a note. On Day 5, yesterday, she looked at me after reading the hand written note, and said, “It’s sounds like my Mom, and a Writer.”

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She texted me this picture last week, and it made my heart smile. I’ve been chastised for being her friend, more than a Mother. Who says I can’t be both? She is my very best friend, and these last 3 years have held the happiest moments of my life. This week, we have been Netflix binging on a show called The Gilmore Girls. This show describes our life perfectly.

We are only into the first season, so I will be upset if the Mother turns into a skank, but for now, it makes us laugh. My daughter and I drink coffee together, and yes, I am addicted. Every now and then I cut myself off, just to show it I’m boss. This week, I have barely had any coffee, so by the time Saturday morning rolled around, I was ready to lay my face in it.

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Our life was once ran by a calendar. It was one of those large ones that covers your desk. I haven’t had one of those on my desk since I left my marriage, and took my daughter with me. Living life day to day is what we do. Being grateful for waking up, and watching for what God has in store that day. Everyday is different, and it’s never boring. Living life together.

I give her some of the craziest advice coming from a Mother, but to her, it always makes sense. She would write the really good ones down, and go back and look at them later, when she needed a good laugh. I have always asked her not to call CPS on me, and she never has.

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Some of the things that come out of my mouth, amaze even me. My Mother was a good Mother, but we were not friends. I went to my friends for advice, which didn’t always pan out well, so I wanted my girl to always come to me. We talk about everything, and now with social media ablaze, there are never ending topics. Nothing is forbidden, and we learn a lot.

When I left her Father, it was right before my 50 birthday. I told my daughter, “I’m not counting anymore birthdays for me. I will buy cake, because we will always eat cake, but no counting years.” It worked too, because when people ask me my age, I have to really think before answering. With her birthday coming up, she made the same announcement to me.

Growing up is bittersweet, but growing old is optional.

My darling girl, always remember, “Where you lead, I will follow, Anywhere that you tell me to. If you need, you need me to be with you I will follow where you lead.”

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Breast Cancer Journey, Present Moment, Quality of life

Let’s Get Fried

My daughter and I arrived home yesterday to a house that was 98 degrees inside. I told her I had set the thermostat on 82 before we left, and it should stay around that temperature.

Upon further investigation, a snake had coiled himself around the A/C fan. Fried my fan, and himself in the process. The part was ordered, and then began the cooling of the house.

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Last Tuesday was not Chemo as usual. They started a new Chemo fondly called, “The Red Devil.” After that day, I don’t recall much for the next 3 days. Just like that snake, I was fried. It took a full 5 days to feel somewhat like the living again. Needless to say, I had a talk with God Monday morning, explaining to Him that if this was the plan, it really sucked.

Standing in my backyard, talking to the A/C man, he pointed to my port and said, “I know what that’s for.” His name is Micheal, which is one of my favorite John Travolta movies.

He told me about his girlfriend that went through some vicious Chemo, but survived. I found it so odd, because he kept saying over and over again, “I’m here to encourage you.”

We both knew he was there by Divine Appointment.

Before he left, he prayed over me, and reminded me that, “It is done.” Micheal knew the Bible like I know my favorite back road, and he kept professing God’s word, encouraging me down this path. The path that I was reevaluating as truly mine. As he turned to leave, he told me, “God is not mad at you.” Like he knew the stern talk I had with Him that morning.

God had it all planned. He knew when I was going to be able to drive home, and let that snake fry. (I find it rather humorous He sent a snake to do the job) He sent Micheal, who noticed my port, my bald head, and my frustration immediately, and said, “I want to pray over you before I leave.” I felt I had lost a week of my life but, it had prepared me for today.

It is a cool 80 degrees in my home right now, and getting cooler. The men strapped a box fan on top of the A/C unit, to pull the hot air out of the house. Then my landlord brought over an LG floor unit, which I highly recommend. That thing will cool! We haven’t had a cool evening in Texas in months, but the last two evenings have been unusually cool here.

I have fought many a devil in my day, but for some reason, I don’t feel the need to fight this red one today. It’s obvious the path has already been cleared, and as He says, “It is done.”

 

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Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

Breast Cancer Journey

Things I Love (Thanks to Chemo)

God knows when to talk with me. It’s either in the shower, or while vacuuming. Both are a mindless movement where He can get my undivided attention. Hence, the title of this Blog.

Taking a shower, and relishing in the fact they’re so quick now. I hop in, lather up, rinse, and step out. Ten minutes max, depending if I take time to stand there under the rain head.

I will save a small fortune on shampoo, and hair products, during Chemo. There is less to pack to go away for a weekend. The hairdryer alone, took up a lot of space. Not to mention, all the hair products, and a ginormous can of hairspray. The same amount of time it took to style my hair, is now used more productively. Like getting out the door on time, or earlier.

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The first week of Chemo, I dropped 10 pounds. What girl wouldn’t love that!

Years ago, I drove to Austin, TX once a week for 6 weeks, for laser on my chin. Standing in front of a mirror every morning, plucking the chin hairs out of my chin, was not my idea of fun. Genetics in action. I was advised to shave the area, just like a man would, and come in for laser. It worked for a while, and then they switched machines, and it stopped working.

I just kept shaving my chin, up until a week ago. No more chin hair! Love that!

I hardly have to shave anywhere now, and I am loving that. Sliding into a pair of shorts, at a moments notice is now awesome. Don’t haveta check my legs for hair because there is none. This might actually get me somewhat excited for swimsuit season. I’m digging it.

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No matter what life brings Beauties, it’s how we see it that matters most. Look for the unseen, and strengthen your Faith. God will use it, but be warned, Satan will too!

Look for the good in everything. Some days are easier than others, but that’s when God sends people into your path. Following this Breast Cancer Journey, has brought so many amazing people into my life. Like never before! I feel loved, and I get to love them back!

I still feel a little awkward when I see people today, that saw me a month ago with a head full of hair. The best response to date was from a vendor at The Farmer’s Market on Saturday. He looked at me and said, “Is everything okay with you health-wise? Because the last time I saw you…you had hair.” I appreciated his candor. His mother died from this.

My hairdresser/friend that shaved my head twice, didn’t charge me anything. I told her, “God is going to bless you for all the good you do for others.” She said, “I don’t even haveta look for the blessings anymore. They’re just there.” This is where I am, and have always wanted to be. I love that.

mescarf (135x240)Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and has a pretty healthy obsession for chocolate. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was what stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

Letting Go, Mr. Smith, Present Moment, Quality of life

Stork and Me

Three years ago, I told God I wanted nothingness. Just put me in nothingness. Well, it’s true when they say, “Be careful what you ask for. You just might get it!” He plopped me on 40 acres, with my daughter, and a new beginning.

piermcdadeWhen I knew it was past time for me to leave my marriage of 25 years, I prayed the God would show us where to go. At first, I was hoping my daughter and I would be able to stay in our home, and that my husband would leave. He wasn’t leaving, and I guess he thought I wouldn’t either. He had another thing coming.

I was so hungry for more. Beauty, peace, joy, happiness, and a life reflecting His very best. I couldn’t really fathom what that would look like, because He is God, but I knew it had to be better than where I had allowed myself to be. It was that faithful day, I was standing outside, and my daughter walked up to me and said, “Mama? Are you ever gonna smile again?” It was time for a huge leap of faith.

If you want to read all about Stork, and what He’s meant in my life, you can do so here. I believe God will give us signs we are on the right path. Stork has been mine.

storkI didn’t know where to go. Where would be our new home? My daughter started looking, and found a house an hour away from where we were. We looked at several houses, but none of them seemed quite right. When she found this one, I asked, “Where the heck is McDade, TX?” We drove to find out.

After looking at numerous houses, I was ready for a sign. I asked God to make it crystal clear, if this was going to be our new home. Make it obscenely obvious, because sometimes I need that. We met the man that owned the little house, at the house, and he showed us around. I knew it was when Mr. Rick said the exact same words as I had asked God. He said, “What do you think? Is this your new home?” Knocked me over.

It was still a scary process, waking up out in the middle of nowhere. We were surrounded by 40 acres, and lots of wildlife. Mr. Rick, and his wife, Patricia, lived across the pond from us, so we weren’t completely alone. God has His Angels firmly planted. I still laugh when I think back at the first time I called them at 2:00 am, after hearing footsteps on the porch.I-know

No honey, those were hooves, not feet. We had our first encounter with wild boar. “Stay inside”, she said. “They are just as afraid of you, as you are of them.” I wasn’t so sure. We bought a shotgun, but never had to use it. God had our backs.

Stepping out onto the front porch of that little house for the first time, coffee in hand, it looked just like nothingness. I asked God, “If this is where we’re supposed to be…If we are on Your path, You gotta show me something please.”

My eyes were drawn down to the left, where a pond and a pier stood still. At the end of that pier, was the most beautiful Great Blue Heron! He was just standing there majestically, with complete confidence, which at the time I didn’t have. He looked at me as if to say, “Good morning Dear. God sent me to tell you. Welcome home.” It was absolutely beautiful!

That was years ago, but Stork is still in my life today. While visiting Mr. Smith, and his lake was newly recovering from the drought, I gazed out my writing room window, and spotted him. Same stance, same message as before.

He is still here today, and I love watching him fly in to catch his breakfast. He doesn’t stay long, but just a glimpse is all I desire. Jeremiah 29:11 says it all Beautiful Souls. He has a good plan. If you are sitting in nothingness, it just might be your new home. That house is where God healed me from all the hurt from my past. That is where I became a Letting Go Coach.

That leap of faith was the first step of a new life, and a life of beauty. I don’t know if I will ever know what God’s very best looks like, but I’m going to enjoy the journey, and the little glimpses He gives. I’m obviously on the right path.

 

 

Breast Cancer Journey

Better Than Good

Kudos to my landlord, Pete, for dousing the perimeter of the outside of our home with poison. Haven’t seen a Scorpion in days. I guess they got the message, they were at the wrong house. I am grateful.

I caught Pete this morning taking the trash down to the street. Pete is happily married, and he and his wife, treat me like a daughter. It’s nice, you know? He takes care of all the manly stuff around here, and then goes home to his wife. I like it.

He asked how I was feeling, and I just beamed and told him, “Great!” He looked so perplexed, and said, “You are handling this whole thing so well.” (The Breast Cancer thingy) I just looked at him, laughed, and said, “Oh no, it’s not me. It’s all God!”

toby

I haven’t kept it much of a secret that I have breast cancer. It was my little secret for a while. I ignored the symptoms for months, and self diagnosed continuously. Reaching for some other conclusion besides the big “C.” How can God get the glory for the miracle in store if nobody knows? I am sharing this journey in hopes of encouraging others through.

My purpose is to show people they can have a beautiful life. An ordinary woman, walking into the second half of her life with a daughter, a few of my favorite things, and God. If I can do it, so can you. How was I going to continue this mission with Cancer? For me, it was an ugly word, so how was there going to be beauty? Because God is a master at beauty.

God knows I am stubborn. He knows it’s going to take time to get me where I need to be. The best way to get my attention is physical pain. God doesn’t cause pain, but He will use it.

I was in a lot of pain. It took time, but it got to the point where I dreaded going to bed at night. I knew it was going to hurt when I laid down. I didn’t share this with anyone. Only the few people who saw me, could tell I was in a world of pain. They watched and waited.

They knew it was going to have to be my decision to go see a doctor. Finally, I surrendered.

healing

Do you know, the day I left that doctor’s office, my pain subsided? That night was the first night in months, I slept all night with no pain. By surrendering, and taking that first step into the doctor, and onto this path, God was pleased. I was terrified, but God was happy.

At first, I didn’t want anyone to know, or anyone to pity me. Being an Alcoholic with 17 years sobriety, I knew a pity pot was not for me. There is a difference between pity and sympathy. When I wrote the initial Blog about it, some friends were taken aback, and not sure what to say, so I just let them be. Others embraced it, and stood up as Prayer Warriors immediately.

I continued to try and post uplifting messages on my Letitgocoach Facebook page. Knowing that God was going to do something good with this, even though I couldn’t see it right then.

Well…It’s been a little over a month since this journey began, and I have a list of His goodness through this. That will have to be another Blog, because I have learned so much!

Most of the people on my Facebook page don’t even know my name. They call me Coach.

These are the people I didn’t want to disappoint. What if I didn’t sound encouraging enough? The beautiful life was not gonna be so pretty anymore. All these fears crept in, and you should see that page today. I have paused posting so many Memes, and started sharing the beauty of my still beautiful life. It seems more beautiful recently than ever before, or maybe I am seeing it through eyes of no pain. Whatever it is, it’s so much better than good.

Barbara is a writer, Entrepreneur and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. She loves dipping cookies in her coffee in the morning and has a pretty healthy obsession for chocolate. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was what stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life today is an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com