Tag: #thefivestagesofgrief

Protect Your Happy

· 6 Comments ·

Sitting in the corner of the room at my desk, I raised my weary head and asked, “Is it time for chocolate cold brew yet?” She said, “Heck yeah!”, and disappeared into the kitchen. My attitude was instantly uplifted.

Stumptowm Chocolate Cold Brew

This new email platform for work is eating my breakfast, lunch and dinner, but you know what? I’m gonna win.

There’s no other option for me personally.

I don’t even think about defeat, or worry that it’s too much to absorb and learn. Every hour or so, I leave my corner and walk around the house to clear my mind and refocus. Sometimes I read something positive to reinforce my outlook. It’s important what you take in because that is what you’re going to hand out to people around you.

I posted this meme on Facebook this week and it had mixed views. Some have been taking in sadness for so long, it’s rubbed off on them and become a part of who they are.

You have to be careful with sad if you want to remain happy. I’ve followed some pretty sad Bloggers in the past, and I had to unfollow them. I can make a note of their Blogsite to check on them down the road, but I cannot read sad throughout the day and remain true to who I am. Barb is happy and wants to stay that way.

There was a saying used years ago that stuck with me. “Fake it till you make it.” No matter how I was feeling, if someone asked, “How are you?”, I’d respond, “I’m doing great!” It took years of saying ‘great’, to actually believe life is great, but every time I said it out loud, it became more ingrained until it became my first choice.

I respond in the same manner today, but I usually receive a skeptical look, or that ‘you must be crazy’ look. It’s like it’s unusual to be in a good place. If they continue to prod deeper about my upbeat attitude, I confuse them even more when I say, “Because, I’m happy.”

A friend once told me, “It’s okay to grieve and you’ll feel sad, but don’t unpack your bag and set up camp.”

Once you find your happy be willing to fiercely protect it from outside influences. Sad can overtake happy, quickly and easily. Protect your happy.

Don’t Be Angry

· Leave a comment ·

I woke up thinking of a lady I saw at Radiation.

She was agitated in my presence, and I couldn’t grasp how to comfort her. I thought she was scared, but I found out later, she was angry.

There are 5 stages of grief, and when I found out I had Breast Cancer, I went through them all. Some people get stuck on a certain one, but you need to keep going. Don’t get stuck, and wallow in one. If you do that, you are going to miss out on the point of the journey.

thefivestagesofgrief

 

I stayed in Denial for quite a while. Every doctor I met, told me the same thing, and I just sat there ready leave. My daughter would go with me to the appointments, and listen for me. Even though I was sitting right there, I wasn’t actually hearing what they were saying.

Then I got angry. In came the yelling match with God. Have you ever noticed, God doesn’t yell back? He just patiently waits for the fit to subside. All the questions, but the most popular one was, “Why?” I had plans for 2016, but now I was going to spend it killing Cancer? God and Chemo took the anger right out of this girl.

Good ol’ Chemo. That is where I learned the most.

I was bargaining my way through every chance I got. I usually find a way, but the doctor’s wouldn’t budge. “Can I take a longer break?” No. “Can we just stop right here?” No. “Do I have to come back and keep doing this?” Yes. They were focused on the cure. They had a plan to kill this lump in my breast, and they succeeded.

I’m glad they told me no.

Waves of sorrow would wash over me during Chemo. I wouldn’t say I was depressed, but I definitely felt sorry for myself. I couldn’t do anything about anything! All I could do was open my eyes to a new day. Sometimes it took a few days to become stable enough to shower. I just laid in bed thinking of what I would write, if I had the well being to write it.

Acceptance.

This was the sweetest part of the journey. Once I finally accepted it.

religious-thank-you-quotes

God didn’t do this to me. Being an overthinker, I went through every scenario trying to pinpoint what caused this Cancer, but it wasn’t about the lump. It was about what God was going to do for me, that I couldn’t do myself. When I got to that point, and I had to ask for help from God, and others, I believe God started to smile down on me.

Don’t be angry. This wasn’t done ‘to’ you, but God will use every ounce of it for you.