The Act Itself

I’ve *challenged myself to be kind this year.

The hardest part so far is not knowing how the act of kindness was received, or if it was spotted at all.

It seems there’s more to it than the act itself.

I love my two neighbors! After Christmas, I left a note in one of their mailboxes wishing them a beautiful season. We are newly getting to know one another, and as you know, I Scare People!

Once I do these small acts, doubt sets in.

Was it the right mailbox? Will the mail lady see it has no postage and take it? Silly stuff!

I blew it big time yesterday. I left a small gift under the counter of a friends workplace who needed some kindness. I told her boss it was there, and to let her know. He was distracted at the time, so what did I do? Texted her to make sure she found it. 😦

I have to do this with zero expectation.

My neighbor got her note, and left one in my mailbox in return. The note was tied around a bar of candy. How did she know it was one of my favorites? She most likely had peace about it.

chocolate
Love, love, love!

So, even in this, I need to trust God more.

My Bible verse this morning was, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” -Proverbs 3:5-6

Coincidence? No way.

God is big into the finest of details. The note my neighbor left for me had a sticker on the back of the envelope. When I saw it, I just stopped and stared.

grow
The back of the envelope with sticker.

Yes Lord, it’s all about growth. Not the act itself.

*Credit for this challenge goes to Donna Cameron of A Year of Living Kindly.

Feel the Music

This song came to mind as I was driving to my mammogram appointment Thursday.

As I mentioned in “Test of Faith“, Seymour saw me as ‘suffering in silence’, during the Chemo part of my Breast Cancer Journey. I did get quiet during The Red Devil part, but I want to assure you, I saw every message, email, and text come into my phone.

It was laying on the bed beside me, and would sometimes wake me up with the vibration.

My daughter’s bedroom is across the hall, and I heard her playing this song, as it floated across into my room. Those last two doses of Red Devil had me under a spell, and this song described exactly how I felt physically.

In the song, he is talking about leaving/dying, which I knew I wasn’t, but I was thinking. “This has got to be what dying feels like.”

It’s not that we want to be alone, and thanks to you, we don’t feel alone. I would pick up my phone, and look at it with one eye closed, trying to focus on the screen, but it hurt my eyes. I could see, and feel the love, but could not physically respond for several days.

Friends were reaching out, but I couldn’t respond.

I dedicate this song to the loved ones that want to help, but don’t know how. Your presence is known, even if it’s not acknowledged. We’re just soggy from the Chemo.

PS. Twenty-One Pilots remade this song as a tribute to ‘My Chemical Romance’, who is the original artist.