Tag: #thenextrightthing

How You Leave

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When you leave a relationship/marriage, it’s important how you leave. When the day came for me to leave, I was thoughtful. We had spent half our lives together and I didn’t want it to look like a wreckage. He already felt like his world was ripped apart.

We have to show life how we want to be treated, so life knows how to treat us in return. Do the next right thing.

It was my choice to leave. He was in denial, and it took time for him to be okay with how things landed. The amount of time is per person.

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My daughter and I discussed what to take with us. We didn’t need a lot to make a new life. We chose a few furniture pieces we loved, and wanted to live with. We still have those foundational pieces, but we didn’t take much, so those pieces weren’t missed.

The cabinets held the most difficult choices.

We had collected a lot of beautiful things in our time together, but I wanted to leave some beauty. We collected pottery by Bill Campbell, and had full place settings by him. I left them in the cabinet. We had professional grade cookware, but I only took half.

We had two of a lot of things, so I left the one he liked best, all the way down to the measuring cups.

I couldn’t bring myself to pack up in front of him, so I waited until a few days before the move was scheduled, and packed. He stayed away during the move, but he hired movers to get us moved safely.

The moving truck arrived at our new home before my daughter and I did. They were on a schedule, so they unloaded the truck without us being there.

My daughter still talks about that day, and laughs about what we walked in on. Everything that was on the truck, was sitting in the middle of the house!

It looked like a big ball of furniture and boxes!

The movers looked at us and said, “We didn’t know where you wanted everything.” We didn’t know either, but in time we unraveled that big ball and created a world we wanted to live in, and we do!

Recently, I was at my ex husbands home, and he was at the kitchen sink washing some of those pieces that were left. He thanked me for leaving them, and especially his favorite measuring cup.

Time does heal. They just don’t tell you how long.

Be mindful of how you leave.

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Break Some Rules

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I feel like I have a lot to share.

It’s a matter of stopping long enough to write it out. I am staying home this weekend, so I’ve been going through the house doing things that bring me joy. My daughter left to go visit her Dad, so I started with beauty.

There are not a lot of rules in our home, but for the next three days there are none! My philosophy is, you should know what is good for you, what is bad for you, and do everything in love.

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We love candles. We don’t buy just any candle though, they have to speak to us. Yesterday, we stood in front of an entire aisle of them at Target. None of them were screaming, ‘Pick me!’ I would rather buy one pretty one, that smells divine, than ten less expensive ones that I won’t enjoy. While I was looking them over, my daughter disappeared from the aisle.

She was on a mission to see if she could find one that smelled good, and was meaningful. This is the one she chose, and I knew she loved it for what it said. #Blessed. It also smelled good. She sat down at the table this morning, took the lid off, and lit a match. She knows we are blessed, and has learned the little things make up the big thing.

A Beautiful Life.

Earlier this week, she offered to go to the grocery store, and I happily made the list. She inquires a lot about my childhood, and asks if I had these things as I was growing up. The answer is usually no.

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Something as simple as real maple syrup. This right here is a thing of beauty for me.

I had maple syrup on the grocery list, and this is what my daughter brought home. Does it cost more than the plastic bottle shaped woman? Yes, but not a lot more. Because it is real, it has a lot more flavor, so we use less. We pour it in shallow bowls to enjoy the color, and dip what we’re eating.

She made French Toast before she left, and I told her I would clean the kitchen. Before I started cleaning, I looked for something to munch on. I was craving some Party Mix. Opening the pantry, I saw I had enough ingredients left from Christmas to make a batch.

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My Mother made this at Christmas, and only Christmas. My daughter would be proud that I made a batch today, just because I could. It felt like I was breaking one of those rules that was instilled in me long ago.

I had the ingredients, so why not? Do you need to break some rules? Do you have beliefs that no longer make sense?

We get to choose what we bring into our life, and what brings us the most joy. Do I buy the case of white paper towels at the wholesaler, or do I wait to find a pretty roll, and smile every time I tear one off.

I will choose to buy what brings joy, and enjoy using every single sheet. Paper towels, were on the list, and my girl knows pretty.

Us and We

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What happened today warmed my heart. It was the sweetest miracle to watch unfold.

My daughter had two people interested in one of her kittens she had posted for sale. She was mainly a barn kitty, but it would be no problem finding her a good home. Being a Siamese mix, she was pretty, fluffy and cross-eyed.

A man contacted my daughter and told her he was interested in the kitten. He had been looking for a Siamese for his girlfriend. Her Siamese was stolen about a year ago and he thought she was ready for another one.

A lady contacted my daughter as well. She told the lady that the man had asked first, but would let her know if he didn’t take it.

This morning my daughter awoke to text messages from both the man and the woman. They were boyfriend and girlfriend and he had been looking for a kitten to replace the one that was stolen.

She had reached out to my daughter because it was one year ago today that it happened, and she was ready for another one. The couple confessed to one another this morning, showed one another a picture of the same kitten, and met us in town to take her home.

He was going to surprise her with the kitten, and she was going to talk with him about getting it. In a healthy relationship, it’s not a mindset of you and I. It’s about us and we.

Fill the Holes

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Walking through the house this morning, it had a different feel and smell. We purchased a Christmas tree last night, and it was standing in the corner filling the room with its presence. It’s not decorated yet, but it’s hard not to notice it. God’s presence is the same as that tree.

It’s amazing how much my life has changed in one year. The most obvious is living in a different house than before, but change is not always obvious. For me change is a lot of small decisions followed by some type of action. It’s like doing the ‘next right thing’ continuously.

When I left my 25 year marriage, a lot of stuff stayed behind. My ex is moving and had everything he didn’t want to take piled up inside the garage. He told me I could go through and take what I wanted. I stood there and looked at all that stuff we collected over the years and smiled.

It was interesting to see what he found worthy of the new house and what he left behind. He will store most of it because of their worth, but I thought I had to have my red clock. It resembles a giant pocket watch hanging from a chain attached to a wrought iron arm.

Spent most of my morning trying to find a good spot to hang this clock from my past. What was I thinking?

I tried two locations, and neither of them worked.

The first place I tried revealed rather quickly that it wouldn’t take the weight of it, so I stopped before messing up the wall too badly. The second try produced a forced hanging of stabilizing the hole with an anchor before inserting the screw. I was determined to hang this clock! It hung, and I didn’t like it.

Walking around looking at it from different angles, and trying to make it fit in my life.

I took it down. Now there are two large holes in the wall. They can be filled and touched up with paint. I’d rather have two holes than something hanging around that doesn’t fit or bring me joy. I will find someone to give it to this season.

When there is change, sometimes it can leave what feels like holes inside us. God can and will fill the holes.

During the Storm

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Dropping my daughter off yesterday, to spend time with her Dad, she hugged me and said, “Don’t do anything Mom. Be still, and wait on God.”

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Doing what’s right and doing the next right thing is how I enjoy living my life. When I feel mistreated by someone in my life and it happens unexpectedly, I have to pause. My sponsor taught me, “Wait three days before making a decision.” The only behavior I can control is my own.

Some things happened this week that would have not been pretty if I were still drinking. Drinking would have caused an irrational reaction and made matters much worse. Being sober, I get to respond instead of react.

Drinking took pretty out of my life. It clouded my vision and thinking to the point of not enjoying the actual moment. As I sit and type this, I’m overlooking a lake. The breeze is lightly blowing across the water and with the sun hitting it at the same time, it looks like someone just dumped a truckload of glitter onto the surface. I get to see that today.

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There is a small storm brewing in my life right now. It was caused by the actions of others, but it’s still painful. I was listening to Joel Osteen during the drive to the lake. He was talking about being pushed into your purpose. What we feel right before the big push.

God uses pressure to make many things and that includes our character. My daughter saw the pressure I was under and encouraged me not to move. My circumstances are beckoning to be fixed, but I am determined to wait on God. I’m in the birth canal right before the push.

The minute I step in and fix it, His power ceases. I like to think of it as a test. I want to pass it, so I don’t have to retake it. God doesn’t cause trouble, but He will use it to make us better. The more quiet and still I become, the better I can hear. Being sober today shows me options I couldn’t see before. Thank you God for sobriety and for being with me during the storm.

Let it Fall

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My life has come so far in a rather short amount of time. Being in the middle of it, makes it difficult to see. My daughter told me, “I don’t think you realize how far you’ve come.” I was having a pity party, but it didn’t last long.

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Being a coach is not about giving advice. For me, it’s about listening to someone talk, until they find their own answers. We all know what to do. Being an adult should give you the knowledge of what’s right and wrong. Knowing and doing are two different things. Knowing comes easy but doing is when it gets tough.

Listening to someone talk, and then repeating things they say to you is all it takes. We have the answers, they just get buried underneath the circumstances. Saying them out loud, instead of letting them roll around inside us is healthy. Mama always said, “There’s more room out than there is in”, and that holds true.

When life is falling apart around you, let it fall.

We try so hard to hold everything together, but I have found that is only a temporary fix. Pull yourself together and do the next right thing. Start sorting through what is wrong in your life and get to what’s right. What is right for you will be good for others. Go through the debris to reveal the beauty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Next Right Thing

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Our lives are a series of choices.

It can be the simplest of choices, such as going to bed at a reasonable hour, so I don’t oversleep. To the hardest of choices as who gets to be in the inner circle part of my life. My daughter and I discuss this quite often, and we always decide to do the next right thing, and let God do the rest.

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I’m reading “No Excuses“, by Brian Tracy and recommend it highly. It’s a refreshing read, reminds me of some things I know, but have forgotten, and Brian is just good.

He said something, similar to the title of this Blog post, but he took it one step further. He’s talking about doing the next right thing and he said, “Practice the Universal Maxim of Immanuel Kant: “Resolve to behave as though your every act were to become a universal law for people.”

Every act become law? I don’t know about you, but I can think of a few things I wouldn’t want the entire world emulating. Each person has their own set of morals, but what kind of world would it be, if we all just did the next right thing?