Making a Mistake

white ceramic cup
Photo by Saif Selim on Pexels.com

To follow my heart a little bit more.

That’s what I want to do, but that voice of reason came calling this morning and warned me of past mistakes. Was it really a mistake, or just part of the path that landed me here?

This quote was in my FaceBook memories.

I’ve learned so much from my mistakes, I’m thinking of making a few more.

My daughter and I have made so many mistakes, we have a little book entitled, ‘Never Again.’ In the book is a list of things we’ve tried, but they turned out to be mistakes. It’s quite humorous.

If you’re making mistakes, you’re a doer.

You’re consistently trying new things and that’s good. I don’t dwell on the word, ‘mistake.’ If that were the case, I’d still be in an unhappy marriage and my life would be completely different. I’m not sure I’d still be sober.

If we confide in others with our decisions, they may say, “You’re making a mistake.” If they have experience in that area, that’s wisdom. If they don’t, it’s merely their opinion sprinkled with fear.

It’s called blind faith for a reason.

As my daughter often says, “If it isn’t scary, it isn’t brave.” Don’t be afraid of making a mistake.

These 3 Things

The year of lessons learned. Learning is not always enjoyable, but it’s necessary for the next part of the journey. I’ve let go of things that had heart strings ingrained. There’s been many a fork in the road and I don’t normally take the easy path. Let’s just say I took side roads.

If we can wrap our hearts and mind around the first two, number three happens naturally. The kicker is….it’s not immediately seen. The ‘reason’ will eventually show up, if we have faith.

Believing there’s goodness in the unseen.

3things

Find comfort my darlings in these three things.

When Stork Stares

IMG_20161128_104228This morning, Stork perched on the railing of this pier. He felt me watching, turned his head and stared straight back. It’d been years since he did that.

The stare was an acknowledgement. “You are sitting still, watching, and I have your full attention. Good!” It was scary, but exciting at the same time! If you don’t know about the Great Blue Heron in my life, you can read more here. Stork is my sign from God that I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

My morning meditation, “You are on the path of my choosing.

To be on the path of God’s choosing. It may begin on a path we choose, but God will come in and straighten it out. He is always with us on our journey, and if we lose our way, we can follow Him. He doesn’t judge, and loves unconditionally.

That is my hope.

 

 

 

 

The Right Path

Three years ago, I told God I wanted nothingness. Just put me in nothingness. Well, it’s true when they say, “Be careful what you ask for. You just might get it!” He plopped me on 40 acres, with my daughter, and a new beginning.

piermcdade

When I knew it was past time for me to leave my marriage of 25 years, I prayed the God would show us where to go. At first, I was hoping my daughter and I would be able to stay in our home, and that my husband would leave. He wasn’t leaving, and I guess he thought I wouldn’t either, but we did.

I was so hungry for more. Beauty, peace, joy, happiness, and a life reflecting His very best. I couldn’t really fathom what that would look like, but I knew it had to be better than where I had allowed myself to be. It was that faithful day, I was standing outside, and my daughter walked up to me and said, “Mama? Are you ever gonna smile again?” It was time for a huge leap of faith.

If you want to read all about Stork, and what He’s meant in my life, you can do so here. I believe God will give us signs we are on the right path. Stork has been mine.

stork

I didn’t know where to go. Where would be our new home? My daughter started looking, and found a house an hour away from where we were. We looked at several houses, but none of them seemed quite right. When she found this one, I asked, “Where the heck is McDade, TX?” We drove to find out.

After looking at numerous houses, I was ready for a sign. I asked God to make it crystal clear, if this was going to be our new home. Make it obscenely obvious, because sometimes I need that. We met the owner of the little house, at the house, and he showed us around. I knew it was when Mr. Rick said these exact same words, it was my sign from God.

He said, “What do you think? Is this your new home?”

I had asked God to show us our new home.

It was still a scary process, waking up out in the middle of nowhere. We were surrounded by 40 acres, and lots of wildlife. Mr. Rick, and his wife, Patricia, lived across the pond from us, so we weren’t completely alone. God has His Angels firmly planted. I still laugh when I think back at the first time I called them at 2:00 am, after hearing footsteps on the front porch.

I-know

No honey, those were hooves, not feet. (wild boar)

Stepping out onto the front porch of that little house for the first time, coffee in hand, it looked just like nothingness. I asked God, “If this is where we’re supposed to be…If we are on Your path, You gotta show me something please.”

My eyes were drawn down to the left, where a pond and a pier stood still. At the end of that pier, was the most beautiful Great Blue Heron! He was just standing there majestically, with complete confidence, which at the time I didn’t have. He looked at me as if to say, “Good morning Dear. God sent me to tell you. Welcome home.”

That was years ago, but Stork is still in my life today.

That leap of faith was the first step of a new life, and a life of beauty. I don’t know if I will ever know what God’s very best looks like, but I’m going to enjoy the journey, and the little glimpses He gives. I’m obviously on the right path.

Doing It Afraid

Lastnight was the first night since the port placement that I didn’t sleep sitting up. I was tired of that position, so I curled up in a ball on my left side, and woke up with no pain.

I was scared to lay that way. The left side is where the tumor, and port live for now. It felt so good to lay the way I would normally sleep. God had His arms around me through the night.

This entire journey, has been ‘doing it afraid.’

I was terrified what the mammogram would show. Then came the biopsy, where I laid on the table and wept. It hurt like hell. It wasn’t the procedure itself, I believe it was the doctor. If you have the right people in your path, this should not be painful. They are there to ease your pain darling, and care for you.

this-is-the-day

So today was the day beauties. The day the bandage was to come off from the port placement. I was so scared to pull it off. Having no clue what it was going to look like underneath. Let me just say, I’ve always been a wuss when it comes to bandages and needles. Welp…That is fading fast. Every part of the journey makes us stronger and better.

The fear of the unknown is what it was. Not knowing for sure what it was going to look like once the bandage was off. It was nothing like I had imagined. It was merely stitches, in skin, and a slight lump where the port is resting. As I stood before the mirror, pulling at the adhesive, repeating, “God help me,”  it was nothing to fear at all. He had it all planned.

Tomorrow I start Chemo, but at this point, there is less fear. God has traveled this road before me, and He will be there tomorrow as well. Thank you for your love and prayers.