To Be True

Life is beautiful, and we are taking time to cultivate it.

I saw the gradual movement of change. My daughter painted her room, and I fell in love with the feel. Walking into my own room, it didn’t give me that feel. Looking at paint colors, then testing samples, and voila! My room has that feel with completely different colors. How is that possible? We know what feels good, and both rooms do, but on different levels.

happiness1

I chose the true red over faded red, to remind myself to be true. The happiness sign hung over my bed, but I moved it to the opposite wall. When I wake up, I lay there for a moment, and ponder it’s meaning for the day. Each day holds different levels of happiness. To get good with that and just be.

I don’t have to jump out of bed anymore, and embrace the day. It’s best for me to travel through the day, and acknowledge uncertainty. People are walking in and out of my life, and I am letting them. Melody Beattie was referring to being in the middle of God’s will. We love God’s will, “but not usually while it’s working itself out.” This is true.

The place we pray to be in is uncomfortable to sit in.

Shades of PINK commented on one of my Facebook posts today with, “Perfect place to ‘BE.'” It was picture perfect. To just ‘be’ is not always how we picture it, or perfect.

FullSizeRender

My daughter sent me that Meme. My feelings change from day to day, but God doesn’t change, and I know that to be true.

Save

Back to Chemo

I fell asleep early lastnight. Netflix continually lost the audio of the show I was trying to watch, so I just gave up, and shut everything down, including me. Perks of adulthood.

I woke up around 3:30 am, and remembered what day it is. My three week break from Chemo is coming to an end. Today is the Monday before Chemo Tuesday. There are so many feelings that go along with that thought. My first thought was, this is #2, out of four, so I’m almost halfway done. I am learning so much along this path, and one thing is, God is big.

godis

I have been sitting on this Meme for a while now. Just pondering it’s meaning, and today I see what it means to me in so many ways. There are no surprises to God. He knows our life story, because He is the Author, so me going through Chemo is no big shocker for Him.

Looking back, I can see how everything just fell into place. My daughter and I have lived on our own, with God’s guidance, for almost 4 years. It was my job to keep her safe, and care for her the best way I knew how. Living life together, one day at a time, has brought me an extreme amount of joy. Today, it would seem, our roles have reversed thanks to Chemo.

I didn’t know I would be battling Breast Cancer this year, but God did. It gives me great comfort knowing He has already gone before me to fight this battle, and God always wins.

boat storm quote

John 13:7 says, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

My daughter started driving the day she got her permit. We were leaving the DMV, and she asked, “Can I drive?” That was about a year ago. She learned to drive with my Ford F150, and I told her, “If you can drive this truck, you can drive almost anything.” It was hard for me to sit in the passenger seat at times, but she never put a scratch on it. She’s an excellent driver.

Daddy stepped in at Christmas, and gave her a car. Actually, he bought her two. The first one he bought, was her dream machine. A canary yellow, 2010, Chevy Camaro SS. I was amazed, and told him, “Uh, No.” She had been dreaming about this car, and he had searched the ends of the earth to find it. It was the hardest thing ever for me to say no.

He then bought her a more sensible car. Still sporty, but safer. Great gas mileage, and a thumpin’  sound system which is vital to her. He still has the Camaro parked behind his office. I am sure she drives it every chance she gets, but she now sees why it was a no. It’s way too much car for her at this time. Knowing her, she will grow into it, and it will be hers.

alright

IF she hadn’t started driving when she did, I wouldn’t have a live in driver to Chemo.

What started out as something that had to be done, has turned into something she wants to do. She wants to drive me, and care for me in this way. It was very difficult for me to allow this to happen, but I knew I couldn’t drive myself. Chemo has helped me surrender to areas of my life that I couldn’t before. Sometimes, I have to tell myself no, and let people care for me.

Today, I will clean house, and restock the fridge. Even though I don’t know how I will feel after Tuesday, I can prepare. Healthy snacks are a must after Chemo. I think I’ll buy flowers too. The last time I encountered The Red Devil, which is A/C’s nickname, I slept for 3 days. It took another 2 days to feel somewhat human again, and 6 days to have a clear thought.

You may not hear much from me this week. I know what to do after Chemo, which is not a lot. Letting my body and mind rest is all I know to do. I may not know much of God’s plan, but I know He has one. I would have never imagined Chemo would be a part of it, but this path is only temporary. He is teaching me patience, because we are nowhere near done yet.

 

mescarf (135x240)

Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

All Is Well

I love these moments during the day that it is so quiet. The kind of quiet that you can hear the slightest of sounds, if you listen intently. It’s so quiet, that even the quiet sounds loud.

Life is full of unknowns. The past few weeks, I’ve had to look sternly at what little I know.

There are days when all I know is, “God loves me, and has a mighty plan.” That right there should be enough, but recently, I’ve been wondering why I’m on this Breast Cancer Journey. What is God up to with this? There are many scenarios to choose from, but it’s best to just keep walking the path, and wait for Him to reveal more of His plan. Practicing patience.

blog1I drove in for a sonogram this morning. My doctor wanted me to receive some encouragement after eight Chemo treatments. The encouragement wasn’t necessary, because I know God is gonna make something good out of this, and I believe in healing.

The lump had gone down a whole centimeter! I knew it was shrinking, but sometimes it’s better to not know the exact numbers. Where my encouragement came from on this visit was from a 72 year old woman in the waiting room. I love what the nurse said right before she left. She said, “I’m gonna put you in this room full of ladies that are dressed just like you.”

What does that even mean? We are all having our boobs checked, and our gowns match?

I sat down and gazed at this lady across from me. Her hair was short, but she had hair. My guess would be she had completed Chemo, and was there for a checkup. Come to find out, she had completed everything, down to the lumpectomy, and was there indeed for a checkup. She shared her story with me, and then she said something that resonated deeply.

She questioned why she got Breast Cancer late in life. Remember, she is 72. Long story short, if she would have gotten it any sooner, the Chemo treatment she received, wouldn’t have been available. It was relatively new, so I told her, “It was God’s perfect timing.” She looked agasp, that I had said the “G” word out loud, so I repeated what I said, and elaborated.

blogMy doctor told me the same thing. The drug they are using in my Chemo treatment was only proven effective at the beginning of this year. They were just now implementing it as a cure. When that lady left the room she looked at me and said, “I think you’re right. There must have been some type of Divine Intervention.”

“God bless you darlin'”, I said.

No matter what is going on in us, or in our lives, He has a plan.

That is all I need to know. The rest will reveal itself in time.

 

mescarf (135x240)

Barbara is a Writer, Certified Letting Go Coach, and Mom to her 16-year-old daughter. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. Going through Chemo, and believing God for a miracle is where she stands. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com