The Act Itself

I’ve *challenged myself to be kind this year.

The hardest part so far is not knowing how the act of kindness was received, or if it was spotted at all.

It seems there’s more to it than the act itself.

I love my two neighbors! After Christmas, I left a note in one of their mailboxes wishing them a beautiful season. We are newly getting to know one another, and as you know, I Scare People!

Once I do these small acts, doubt sets in.

Was it the right mailbox? Will the mail lady see it has no postage and take it? Silly stuff!

I blew it big time yesterday. I left a small gift under the counter of a friends workplace who needed some kindness. I told her boss it was there, and to let her know. He was distracted at the time, so what did I do? Texted her to make sure she found it. 😦

I have to do this with zero expectation.

My neighbor got her note, and left one in my mailbox in return. The note was tied around a bar of candy. How did she know it was one of my favorites? She most likely had peace about it.

chocolate
Love, love, love!

So, even in this, I need to trust God more.

My Bible verse this morning was, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” -Proverbs 3:5-6

Coincidence? No way.

God is big into the finest of details. The note my neighbor left for me had a sticker on the back of the envelope. When I saw it, I just stopped and stared.

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The back of the envelope with sticker.

Yes Lord, it’s all about growth. Not the act itself.

*Credit for this challenge goes to Donna Cameron of A Year of Living Kindly.

This Quiet Season

I sat in my bed this morning, and had a talk with God. He has a plan, but I just wanted to share my requests.

I’m in a quiet season of my life. It’s been this way for months, but I’m learning to sit with it. After He healed my Breast Cancer last year, I was ready to be His mighty foot soldier again, but He has other plans.

In a quiet season, you do quiet things.

puzzle

I sat down in front of it this morning, and asked to find this one piece. It would be completely dark green, so you would think it would be easy to see. Scooping up a handful of pieces from the box, I looked in my hand, and there it was. The piece I asked for.

My natural response was, “Thank you God”, because I had gone through these pieces last night and couldn’t find it, but today is a new day. He was ready to reveal it to me today, and knew I needed that small piece of encouragement while sitting in this quiet season. When life is quiet, God is there.

If God can show me one missing piece to a 1,000 piece puzzle, then I can trust Him to show me the missing pieces of my life.

Trust Him I will, because the puzzle laying on this table will come together one piece at a time, very similar to life. My friends tell me, “He’s preparing you for something”, but I don’t know what that is.

If I overly focus on finding a piece, I miss the overall picture. The box the puzzle came in reveals how beautiful it can be!

I’m good with taking my time and enjoying the process of finding every piece. It will come together, in this quiet season.

Test of Faith

As I was driving to my Mammogram appointment Thursday morning, all these recollections of my Breast Cancer journey came to mind. Driving down a country road, toward the city, I saw a slide show before me.

Moments where my faith was tested, and I was ready to call it quits. Seymour mentioned that I suffered in silence, so why did I feel so exposed?

I arrived at my appointment, was escorted to a screening room, and stood before that massive machine for the first time in a year. The last time I was there, I could only hug it, and sob, but this time was different. The technician had to keep moving the machine upwards to accommodate my height. I was stronger now, so maybe I was standing a little bit taller.

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The technician used the machine to take pictures of both breasts in 3D. When she was done, I went to sit in a private lounge, just for women waiting for the test, or the results.

I sat down across from a woman, I guessed to be retirement age. She had been crying, and was clutching the front of her gown, trying to keep it from falling open. I had been right where she was sitting, so I asked her, “Are you okay?” She started to cry some more.

She told me that she had been so faithful with her Mammograms. She had received one every year for as far back as she could remember. She was late in getting this one, and when she did, they saw something concerning.

They had just done a more in depth one, and she was waiting to hear the next steps. She was at her beginning, and I was at my end.

The first thing I assured her of was, there is no such thing as ‘late’. You are here now, and that is all that matters. I shared the names of all my doctors with her, and she frantically took notes. The technician came back to get me, and as I left, I looked at her and said, “God bless you.” She whispered the same to me, and I told her, “He does everyday love.”

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My journey created a profound intimacy with God. It’s still there, even though my journey is coming to a close. God was getting ready to test my faith, as see what I had learned.

The technician escorted me to a different room, which I recognized immediately. There was the table I had laid on during my biopsy. She asked me to lay on the table, and open the right side of my gown. I laid down, and asked her, “You realize the lump was in my left?”

She said, “Oh I know Mrs. Holmes, but we saw something in the right that we need to take a closer look at.” My world stopped. I realized I had been so concerned about the left one, that I hadn’t paid much attention to the right. I felt the warm gel hit my breast, and the wand of the sonogram machine started sliding around. At that point, I lost all control.

I broke down, and started sobbing on the table.

The female technician patted my arm, reassuring me that it was all okay. I told her, “I cannot do this again! I cannot go through it all again!!!” But you know what? If I needed to go through it again, God would be there. My next thought was, I would have both breasts removed, so at least I could come back as a 36C!

She completed the sonogram, and left the room to review the results with the Oncologist. When she returned, she exclaimed, “You are all good Mrs. Holmes. It’s only a cyst!” There was more than one test given here, and thanks be to God that I was able to pass ’em both.