The Bigger Plan

I had the plan. It was on my list for 2019.

Teeth fixed. √

Every time I’ve stepped into this plan of having my teeth fixed, it’s not gone as planned. Not my plan anyway. I was trying to save this one tooth and my Dentist was scheduled to remove the old filling and replace it with new. That was the plan and what I was prepared for in my mind.

He’s removed all the bad teeth and he’s stabilizing to replace. After he removed the filling, he decided it best to pull the tooth. The left side of my face was completely numb and I couldn’t feel a thing, but once he sat back in his chair, I knew what he meant.

Now Barb.

I freaked.

plans

I asked him to give me a minute and he left the room to check on another patient. Time to get my mind right, so I began taking deep breaths in and out. When he came back in I was ready to close my eyes and pray.

This wasn’t my plan, but it’s working toward the bigger plan. After he extracted the tooth, he announced that we could proceed with building the replacement teeth once the gum has healed. That’s great news!

There is growth in the process.

The Dentist has put me in this situation before and the first time it happened, I got up and left. At least I stayed still this time and it’s behind me. Onward to the bigger plan!

Keep Watching Darling

Life is what you make it.

I believe this with every fiber of my being. I watched my Mama do her very best and she watched hers.

It looked hard.

It’s how we see it. There’s options.

Choose wisely. Victim or victor?

Last week, my daughter witnessed my breaking point. I plopped down on the edge of my bed and had a good cry. My daughter wrapped her arm around me and lifted me up with these words. She said, “Next week is a new week. Make it what you want.”

A beautiful life is not easy.

Keep watching darling.

abeautifullife

Walk Like Wind

What did you want to be as a child? It may not apply today, but it’s still in you. I always wanted to be a model.

At age 13, I went through an awkward stage of braces and glasses. Mama took me to a modeling agency and they said, “Come back when you lose the braces and glasses.” It sounded mean, but they were just being honest.

I grew out of the braces and glasses and went back to that modeling agency at age 17. They wanted me to do runway because of my height. I was 5′ 9″, but it was embarrassing to walk down a runway in front of a group of strangers. I didn’t like being stared at and people still stare.

I left the modeling world at 22.

In high school, I was constantly ridiculed about my height. I watched a movie recently about a ‘tall girl’ and could feel every mean thing said to her. “How’s the weather up there!” I heard those same things 40 years ago, but today it’s a movie.

Yesterday, I was walking through a store and this little boy said, “Wow! She’s tall!” I probably looked like a giant to him, but I was made this way.

My daughter and I still laugh about this one thing a lady said a couple of years ago. We were walking into a nail salon and I was wearing a new pair of high heels. When we got into the salon, a lady said, “You walk like wind!”

The modeling world taught me how to walk in high heels. You walk tall, shoulders back and head held high. It stuck with me and I find myself walking that way still. Maybe that’s why this picture resonates with me so much.

rooted

God made us in His image.

Walk like wind.

Ahead of Time

Sitting at my desk early this morning, I didn’t think twice about running my hand through my hair. A little disconcerting to look at my hand afterwards, and see it full of hair.

I’ve been reading other Blogs about this type experience. They have been comforting to read. It shows me that I’m not alone with this. I have found a beautiful Blog entitled Beauty Beyond Bones. This lady had absolutely amazing hair! It was sorta her trademark for years. Long and thick with natural ringlets. Beautiful. She lost it all through an eating disorder.

That is what her Blog is about. Her journey through Anorexia. My hair is nothing special. I used to wear it short, but have let it grow the past few months. It’s time to go back to short.

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God is more concerned with our inside than out. Hair does have a purpose; like I’m not excited about losing my eyelashes, or brows. I keep a tidy home, but I don’t dust much anymore. Eyelashes keep the dust out of your eyes.

Probably the most unsettling thing for me about losing my hair was this. The shower.

While rinsing my hair, ever so gently, it got matted on my hands and fingers. Then, I stepped out of the shower, and caught a glimpse of something on my shoulder. A pile of hair. God has got me through every step of this journey, and He will get me through this.

 

I called a hairdresser friend of mine, and told her what is happening. She is going to cut it short for me. I don’t want to wake up in the morning with a white bed, covered in dark hair. My nurse at Chemo today told me, “Yea, It will just keep getting thinner and thinner.”

That’s when it’s best to step out in front of it, and let it go ahead of time.

Those Three Words

Have you ever noticed the length of my Blog titles? They usually contain only three words. This was a challenge sent to me by God and it was a challenge for a very long time.

The biggest struggle for me when I started to write, was the title. Oh, it was easy enough to think of a title and topic, but the titles were usually long. So, I felt a prompting from God to just use three words. It wasn’t as difficult as it sounds, since my three favorite words are ‘I love you’, I knew a lot could be said with a small amount of words.

WordPress just revealed to me, I have posted a little over 200 Blog posts. Writing what God does for me, and showing how He works in my life. I am pleased to say, for the most part, the titles have just three words. Now there are exceptions. If I was writing about a book series, or a historical place I visited, I would entitle it to give credit to the subject at hand.

I watched as what began as a struggle, and often a block in my writing, turn into something wonderful. Doing this for a while now, I know when three words come to my mind, it’s a Blog title. Instead of thinking what to write, and then struggling with a title, God switched it.

He gives me the three words first, and then I wait for Him to reveal the timing to write.

My mind is full of words throughout the day, so I know when I hear three what that means.

My daughters snickers as we are driving down the road, and I yell it into my phone to send myself a message. Sometimes, a piece of paper is handy, and I write it down. At first, I thought I’d remember all day those three words, but no, that didn’t happen. It was disappointing to get to the days end, and I had forgotten the Blog title.

It’s easy to forget those three words.

One Love

As I picked up the K Cup to pop into the Keurig this morning, I looked at the name and it said, ‘One Love’. Yep…Bob Marley does coffee.

love

1 Corinthians 13:4-6 describes it best. To receive it and believe are simple enough, but to live it is a little more challenging for us mere mortals. I recently met a couple that emanate this kind of love. The kind of love only God can manifest between two. One love.

Patient and kind coupled together is always fun for me. It’s quicker and easier to be anxious and mean, especially to the one dearest to us. This is where I appreciate the part, ‘it keeps no record of wrongdoing’, because my list can be extensive.

That was one of the first things I had to let go of was my record of wrongs. Giving myself permission to let go of all the pain in my heart allowed God to create in me a clean heart. Have you ever walked into a closet that was so full you could barely move? That’s probably how God feels when asked to work on our hearts. He needs room to move. Let it go.

To forgive and forget. Forgiveness is free but to forget as well? By letting go you learn to think of that hurt as a lesson learned and move on. It may still pinch you from time to time, but by letting go of the pain associated with the experience, it becomes a valuable lesson. One you hopefully won’t make again in the near future.

To trust. If God places someone in your path to love, trust Him. God doesn’t make mistakes, and maybe you’re thinking, ‘but I do’. Read the verse in its entirety. It’s okay to make mistakes, and if you have the right one to love, they will keep no record of wrongs.

Love always perseveres. This is not to be confused with breaking up and getting back together over and over again. One love stands strong in adversity. While one of you is weak the other is strong. To have one love, one of you must stand firm on these promises when the other one can’t. God made it that way and it works. It all begins by letting go.