Tag: #unbecoming

A Metal Rooster

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Maybe you don’t know of my love for chickens. This time of year farm supply stores have an abundance of baby chicks, bunnies, and ducks for Easter. The children love them, and my daughter was no different.

The first time we stepped inside a farm supply store, she was 5 years old. Seeing all the babies, there was no way I could deny her a few baby chicks.

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What I thought I was buying for her, turned into a long time passion of mine. For years I had chickens, and loved having fresh eggs everyday.

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I had chickens that laid a variety of colors. Some of my most healing moments were spent cleaning the chicken coop while listening to music. It was where I would escape while building up the courage to leave my 25 year marriage. Being there brought me peace in difficult times.

Chickens got me through it. What looked like caring for them, was really very soothing for me.

They all brought me joy, but there was one that followed me around the yard. Her name was Reese. She knew my life was in turmoil, and she would show up throughout the day like she was checking on me.

She wouldn’t come in the house, but she would get as close as she could. Here she is sitting in a planter by the front door. She laid her daily egg in that pot.

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Isn’t she beautiful? She’s a Polish hen.

I’m speaking in past tense, because none of my chickens are with me anymore. I brought them with me to our new life on 40 acres, but we had possums that would come at night, and get into the coop.

I tried everything to keep the chickens safe including moving the coop closer to the house. It was up on the deck by the back door, but the opossum wasn’t deterred.

I won’t put another life in danger for my happiness. I worried over those chickens every night, so the joy was already gone. I was now in ‘protection’ mode to see if I could keep them safe and I couldn’t.

A metal rooster is what I have today.

It reminds me of my time with them, but it doesn’t need my protection. It braves the elements all on it’s own.

 

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Let’s Sprawl Out

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I looked at my bed, after getting out of it recently. Half of it is smooth, and still made; almost untouched. I lay the covers back to get out, and you can see only one person sleeps there. It made me wonder what other areas of my life, resemble my bed.

I’m an overthinker.

It made me think back, when God opened the door for me to leave my marriage. My daughter was looking for houses available for rent. The house God led us to, on 40 acres, had one ginormous bedroom. I paused and considered if that was a good idea.

That house was 795 square feet, but was perfect for us. It was exactly what we needed at the time.

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It was close quarters, so we were always near one another. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

We took what we loved, and what was necessary, to our new home. We took her bed, and I left the other one there. We slept in the same bed, and we learned to stay on our own side. It amazes me what your mind can train your body to do. Even after I bought a new bed, over a year later, my body still chose to sleep on it’s own side, just like she was still there.

It also made me think how I had trained my body to sleep before I went to the doctor. The lump in my breast was painful, and I went from lying flat on my back, to one side, to eventually sitting up to sleep. It gradually intensified each day just to see how much pain I could take. Unfortunately for me, I can take quite a bit, but I finally surrendered.

I made a point lastnight, to lay on my stomach, with pillows propped under my head, elevating any pressure on my port. Then I sprawled out, and took up all of the bed I could.

It was a very freeing feeling, almost exhilarating actually. My body was extremely pleased with this new found freedom. It also made me think, “What other areas in my life do I need to sprawl out? What have I trained myself to live with? Where do I need to trust God more?”

The most obvious area is going through Chemo, and believing for His perfect healing in all this. I believe there are more areas though, so I get to dig deeper. Prayer and meditation, and asking God to show me where I need to sprawl out.

Are you feeling this today?

He had me write it for a reason, so maybe it spoke to you. If so, I pray for us to ‘let go’ of who we have trained ourselves to be, and open our hearts to His plan for our lives. Just like Nike says, “Just do it,” we can say, “Let’s sprawl out.”

Keep It Simple

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You can create space for simplicity in many areas of your life. This doesn’t mean you’re a simple person; it just means you have chosen to live simply. That could also say, “To simply live.”

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In 2014, I had a farm where I raised exotic chickens and mini pigs. This one perched on my arm was my favorite. Her name is Reese. I could spam you with pictures right now of the most beautiful chickens you’ve ever seen, but I won’t. That door of my life closed two years ago, but that didn’t stop me from trying to resurrect it.

I loved this season and raising these beautiful birds! It was a lot of work, but it brought me and others a lot of joy. When I moved out here, the house has a fenced in side yard, and the owners of the home mentioned it had been used for chickens.

Yep! I got chickens again. Did it bring me joy? For about a week. When God closes a door, lock it and throw away the key. My daughter found the chickens a good home last week.

It feels good to fall back on familiarity.

I knew what it was like to raise chickens and thought it would be fun again. There was no joy in it this time around.

Let’s just keep it simple.