It is cold here in Texas, which is okay because it doesn’t last long.
I believe the main thing I learned from challenging myself to write for 30 straight days is this. I am not in control. It’s not about me, and what I want to write. It’s about God, and Him placing something on my heart to share with you.
I have plenty of topics to pull from, and can make myself write something. That is not what brings me joy. For me, the joy of writing is to be inspired, and the words just flow through the fingers, to the keyboard, and appear on the screen to share.
God didn’t prompt me to challenge myself. This is something I chose to do.
I can see God still blessed it. He is good like that. Some of the Blogs were inspired by Him, and some of them I just wrote. I don’t know if you can tell the difference, but I can. Maybe it’s not so much the finished product, but the feeling I had while typing.
We will see what happens in the next two days. I have learned a lot this month from the challenge, but I’m thinking I would rather wait to be inspired.
I just needed to write. There is something about it that pulls all the frazzled ends back into my tapestry of life.
This is one of my favorite pictures, and I used it in a Blog written one year ago. To think of it today reminds me, this has been my year of waiting. I don’t mind waiting. God has given me plenty of practice, so I’ve become relatively good at it. It helps when you know what you’re waiting for. This week it was a call.
A week ago Monday, I had a call from my breast surgeon to see when I wanted to schedule the lumpectomy. We talked about Chemo, how I was doing, and when was my last treatment scheduled.
It felt like two doses of The Red Devil had been harder on me than the first 12 weeks combined. I still had two more doses to go, and in all honesty I wasn’t sure my body could take it. She said, “Maybe we can go ahead and do surgery then.” A light came on at the end of the tunnel.
She had to talk with my doctor, but she felt confident the lump was plenty small enough by now to be removed. So, the waiting began. I didn’t expect it to take this long, but 10 days later I received the verdict from my doctor. He said, “No.” That was when I had to cry it out.
I don’t know what God’s plan is, but it broke my heart when He said, “No”, to that plan.
Did I mention the part where I got so pissed off, I called and left a message with my nurse that I wasn’t coming to Chemo next week? I was nice, but it happened, and it got her attention! She called me right back, so I didn’t have to wait long at all on that call.
So, I’ve gotten disappointed, angry, and cried, all within two hours time. I’m over it.
I try not to let my emotions get the best of me. I have always tried to keep it all under control, and let things like this just roll down my back. It normally works because I know a large part of life is a test.
If I can look at it as a test, and God as my teacher, it really inspires me to pass that test. I felt like I was failing the test, but then I realized, this test isn’t over.
I will know it’s over when God gets the glory from this journey. He gets the glory every morning when I wake up, but He is a Master at showing off in my life. He knows I love spectacular endings, so that is what I’m waiting for. I don’t see it yet, but I know its there.
I just pressed my third cup of coffee out of the Keurig, so you would think I would be feeling energized. It used to help wake me up, and give me a jolt in the mornings. Not so much anymore, so maybe it’s time for a change. I have stopped ‘doing’, and begun ‘letting’.
I read an article this morning on having no expectations.
This one started out like most, but then it got my attention. Instead of expecting certain things out of life, the one you love, or yourself for that matter…Take the limits off God. I lay all my petitions before Him, so He knows my heart and desired outcome, but then I leave it there. I never know what to expect.
This opens up endless opportunity. As far as relationships go, here are a few things I’ve learned.
1. He Loves Me, But Should Love Himself First.
Does your partner take good care of themselves? The care they take of themselves, will be a reflection of how well they care for you. There should be a healthy balance of self care, and loving you.
2. His Love For Me.
This is where I had to lay all expectations aside. You have heard the saying, “Stop breaking your own heart?” That is what occurs when I expect to be loved at a certain level. Everyone loves differently, and we cannot compare past loves to the present. Those were stepping stones to prepare us for this. It’s not about lowering our expectations. It’s about being open to different.
3. He Encourages My Ideas and Creativity.
If anyone ever tells you, “That’s a stupid idea,” or better yet, “You are stupid.” you will need to hit them with a pipe. Creative ideas sound rather far fetched at first, but it’s that initial seed we plant. Saying it out loud to someone we trust, and value the opinion of, gets the ball rolling. You are not stupid….You are creative and open-minded. Stay that way.
4. Let Them Love You.
This is where the expectations of your mind can get in the way. Allowing someone to love you the best way they know how, should be enough. Isaiah 55:8 says, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, and My ways are not your ways.” That’s encouraging to me.
5. Let It Be Easy.
I love seeing posts from my friends, announcing 30 or so years of being married, and exclaiming, “Fight for your marriage.” There should be no fighting. If you each are doing the next right thing, making good choices for the greater good, it should flow. Yes, life will come at you with a vengeance and try to destroy what’s good, but there’s a choice.
When one is weak, the other is strong.
That’s just how it works. You hold one another up during the rough times. They always pass, and should make you better because of it. Be with someone that brings out the very best in you, and nudges you to become better.
Get good at waiting on God. He heard you, just be patient.
We have talked about time, patience and waiting patiently, but I am learning, time does reveal all. The big challenge for me is, don’t jump in and start doing. Just be present.
Something interesting happened because of the ‘Box of Love’, this week. This guy taking up space in my daughters heart and mind, sent a couple of his favorite t-shirts in the box. She wore one yesterday, and that evening, she came over to sit beside me in the swing.
She said, “You know what sucks about wearing this shirt? It smells like him and makes me miss him.”
My heart hurt for her because I know that pain. I don’t enjoy missing people. It’s normal, but when it causes more pain than goodness in my life, it’s time to re-access.
Today, I am seeing that every person has a reason and a season in my life. I’m not afraid of being hurt because I know it will make me better. Letting Go is a must to keep growing.
Pain can be healthy if we allow it to do it’s job and then let it go. Don’t take is so personally.
Are you familiar with The Four Agreements? I have been pondering them this week, and they have reaffirmed a few of my beliefs. They are #1. Be impeccable with your word. #2. Don’t take anything personally. #3. Don’t make assumptions. #4. Always do your best.
Melody Beattie says, “We will be guided into understanding, and what we need to do to take care of ourselves. We will begin to trust our instincts, our feelings, our thoughts. We will know when to go, to stop, to wait. We will learn a great truth; the plan will happen in spite of us, not because of us.” Thank you God in advance for Your plan and not mine.
Stay present and give it time.
I typed in the title for this Blog three days ago.
That is when God gave it to me. It has taken me until today for it to fully form in my heart.
I went over to my laptop desktop for a picture to use. I try and keep my desktop neat and somewhat clean, so I clicked on the oldest one there. The first one downloaded after the last cleanup. This one caught my eye a month ago.
I am learning time takes patience, and patience takes time. This has been a big deal for me this year, coming from a woman that was once known as Ms. Ready, Fire, Aim. All year I’ve been waiting on God.
There are three things I wanted to learn about and grow myself into this year, and by His grace, I am still focused. Writing, teaching how to Let It Go, and encouraging others.
Has any of these three things happened in my timetable? No. Have they happened quickly? No. Have I felt like giving up and caving in? Yes.
When you keep your eyes on God, you cannot worry about tomorrow. To me, that is not trusting God, and thinking He is going to make a mistake. God doesn’t make mistakes, but we do.
I enjoy calling it, ‘Moments of minding my own business.’ When I least expect it, God will encourage me and let me know, I’m on the right path. He works through people to say, “You doing good Barb! Stay strong!” He will send someone to encourage me.
November is coming up quick, and am I where I want to be? I don’t think so, but God must have me right where He thinks I should be. It’s going to be His timing and my patience.
Dropping my daughter off yesterday, to spend time with her Dad, she hugged me and said, “Don’t do anything Mom. Be still, and wait on God.”
Doing what’s right and doing the next right thing is how I enjoy living my life. When I feel mistreated by someone in my life and it happens unexpectedly, I have to pause. My sponsor taught me, “Wait three days before making a decision.” The only behavior I can control is my own.
Some things happened this week that would have not been pretty if I were still drinking. Drinking would have caused an irrational reaction and made matters much worse. Being sober, I get to respond instead of react.
Drinking took pretty out of my life. It clouded my vision and thinking to the point of not enjoying the actual moment. As I sit and type this, I’m overlooking a lake. The breeze is lightly blowing across the water and with the sun hitting it at the same time, it looks like someone just dumped a truckload of glitter onto the surface. I get to see that today.
There is a small storm brewing in my life right now. It was caused by the actions of others, but it’s still painful. I was listening to Joel Osteen during the drive to the lake. He was talking about being pushed into your purpose. What we feel right before the big push.
God uses pressure to make many things and that includes our character. My daughter saw the pressure I was under and encouraged me not to move. My circumstances are beckoning to be fixed, but I am determined to wait on God. I’m in the birth canal right before the push.
The minute I step in and fix it, His power ceases. I like to think of it as a test. I want to pass it, so I don’t have to retake it. God doesn’t cause trouble, but He will use it to make us better. The more quiet and still I become, the better I can hear. Being sober today shows me options I couldn’t see before. Thank you God for sobriety and for being with me during the storm.
I write to understand my life, is a quote I saw this week. That is what you will find here. Stories of my life and the people in it. Some are here and some have passed through. If you’re reading one of these and can relate, you’re either going through something similar, or you were there. I rarely mention a name but if you were there, I thank you now.
I was once leery of writing about the men in my life. There hasn’t been many, but I am thankful today for each one. You already know I was married half my life, but did you know I was in a relationship for a year and a half after the divorce? He follows my Blog, or used to. I think it was too much for him to read. His name was not there but he was.
He used to always tells me, “There needs to be a Plan B.” If we are following God, does there need to be a Plan B? I don’t think so. That would be making a plan in case God failed. God never fails. We fail God.
I learned so much in that relationship. You have seen snippets of it here without even realizing it and you will see more. It doesn’t take a lot of people to write your life story. It takes a lot of lessons learned over time.
I don’t say that to be harsh. I have learned from every person in my life. God works through people. They come into our lives to teach us and that makes us the person we are meant to be. You need more patience? Oh my.
God will use people and situations to help! There is a saying, “Don’t pray for patience or you’ll get it.” It’s a painful practice for me but necessary. Waiting on God takes a huge amount of patience. Otherwise, I would do it myself and that’s even more painful.
When your time is up with that person it shouldn’t be painful. So many people are mourning broken hearts and that is the main reason I am a Coach. To help people get past the pain and learn to live. You had a life before them and it should be better because of them. It may hurt because they are gone but if they were meant to stay they would still be there. ‘God’s got a plan.’ My daughter at 15, reminded me of that today. She has learned what she has been taught.
Barbara is a writer and loves being a Mom to her 15 year old daughter. It’s a dream come true for her to be a Let It Go Coach and helping others enjoy their lives. She hosts Workshops, does one on one Coaching and is working on her first book. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com