Sow Some Seeds (Part 2)

What jumped out at you in yesterday’s post?

Besides being grateful each time my eyes open to a new day, there is one part that leaps off the page. “I am prepared at last to make you proud of me.” At 53, I’m as prepared as I’ll ever be! God never quits, even when I do.

Here are today’s seeds:

I will not fret the future. My success and happiness does not depend on straining to see what lurks dimly on the horizon, but to do, this day, what lies clearly at hand.

Worry is future thinking. Stay in today.

I will treasure this day, for it is all I have. I know that’s it’s rushing hours cannot be accumulated or stored, like precious grain, for future use.

I will live as all good actors do when they are on stage-only in the moment. I cannot perform at my best today by regretting my previous act’s mistakes or worrying about the scene to come.

I will embrace today’s difficult tasks, take off my coat, and make dust in the world. I will remember that the more productive I am, the less harm I am apt to suffer, the tastier will be my food, the sweeter my sleep, and the better satisfied I will be with my place in the world.

I will free myself today from slavery to the clock and calendar. Although I will plan this day in order to conserve my steps and energy, I will begin to measure my life in deeds, not years, in thoughts, not seasons.

Be productive, not just busy. Embrace what is in front of you that needs to be done. Be a finisher. There is not a lot on my calendar. It mainly holds my daughter’s schedule because I love seeing each new day for what it is. New!

Be More Clear

I ran into a friend yesterday, and she asked, “Are you okay?” She had a look of concern on her face, and I assured her that I was. She had read my Blog about the Cancer scare, and wanted to make sure I was all good. She is not the only friend that wasn’t sure, so let’s see if I can be more clear.

A lot of what we go through in life is a test of some sort.

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I don’t believe there is Cancer in my breast. The technician wasn’t sure what she was seeing during the sonogram, so I had the films sent to my Oncologist who knows my history. He didn’t see anything concerning, but wants to see my next film in six months. I’m not worried, so don’t you be either!

God used that situation to reach the right people, and I now have really good health insurance! WooHoo!

In March, or April of next year, I will have another mammogram, and have faith for God’s best. Since walking out of the imaging center a month ago, I have made life changes, and am still making them. When God shows me His best, I want to give Him my best in return. The entire incident brought this to the forefront of my mind. “What do I want my life to look in six months? Am I living God’s best?”

A Good Problem

Blogging is like having a public journal.

Blogging has worked, because I kept misplacing journals whenever we moved. Writing publicly is healing, and can help others heal, so yes, it’s like letting everyone read your journal. I am behind, so let’s take some time to catch up.

I promised a friend I would write about this, so here it is E!

In August, I read a book by Melodie Beattie entitled, Make Miracles in Forty Days. You may be aware, I’m a huge Melody fan, and treasure all her books, but this one intrigued me. I believe in miracles, and believe I’m a walking miracle, so I read the book, and did what she said.

At first glance it seemed like another gratitude list exercise, but there’s a twist! You write what you’re grateful for, but you also write what you’re NOT grateful for.

On August 26th my writing began. At first it was habitual to list everything I was grateful for. Referring back to the book, I learned how to phrase things that were bothering me. Here are a few examples, along with their outcome.

You begin by writing, “I am grateful today that…”

My doctor wants to see me, even though I don’t know why. (The miracle is they were not alarmed by my mammogram and agreed to see me In Six Months)

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I have a dependable job, and get to work from home, even though I would like to make more money. (I was offered a new job)

I love my home, but would like for my daughter to live closer to town, her friends, and her father. (We are moving into a new home, near the lake, January 1st) I love the lake.

You get the idea. I’m grateful for a beautiful life, and this exercise helped open my heart, and mind for changes that needed to be made. The journaling continued longer than 40 days, because I still do it today. You can also do this with a friend via email. To just stay grateful, and let God work.

I told a friend, “I don’t know how many more of God’s blessings I can take!

That is a good problem to have.

You’re Not Alone

I published a Blog yesterday, and went back into my Blogsite and deleted it. The same thing happened today. Write, edit, publish, and an hour later, delete. To the 5 people who read them both, “I apologize if I scarred you for life.”

My email followers received notifications of the posts. Clicked on the link, and stared at air. I apologize to you too. I have discovered that waiting on this appointment next week causes me to feel vulnerable. I don’t mind being vulnerable, but to let someone read about it, amplifies the feeling.

If you’re a writer, maybe you do the same thing.

Publish a Blog, and then delete it, or maybe you have some in drafts that you can’t bring yourself to finish, and publish. I have some of those too, but there is something I’ve learned.

No matter how sucky I think that published Blog may be…it’s going to help someone. It’s going to have something in there that someone needs to see. So, maybe if I write this at night, hit publish, and go to bed, you can read it while I sleep. Because waiting on Tuesday to arrive is not working.

My instinct is to disappear for a few days, and become quiet.

To remove myself from the lives of the people I love, so they don’t have to be a part of what I’m going through. That is my way of protecting them. Well, the last time I checked, my circle of people are some brilliant, grounded adults who can decide whether they need protection or not.

I believe you are only as alone as you allow yourself to be.

I don’t feel alone, so thank you, for not leaving me alone.

 

Healing in Hugs

I saved the last cookie for my daughter. She broke it in half, and brought half over to me. This is how we live our life.

We are sitting at the table together. She is doing school while I write. There is a difference between living together, and being present. When I stepped away from Social Media, I realized we didn’t hug each other as much as we once did. It was time for that to change. There is healing in hugs.

Some of my favorite daily activities now include, sitting at the counter of my favorite coffee shop, and being present for the person working behind the counter. To walk into one of the shops downtown, and hug the owner for no reason than they’re there another day. People in town wave when they see my truck. How many of those waves were missed?

I freely give my laugh, a listening ear, a smile, and hugs.

My daughter is finding her way through this life, and the only thing I have done different is to be present, and give hugs.

It was awkward at first for me to just walk up and hug her, so to lighten it up, I counted. I’d hug her and say, “There’s one.” In my mind there was a minimum of three a day.

She is almost as tall as me now, but it’s still a hug, and it heals. Somedays three is all we can remember to do, but there are those special days we lose count, and just hug.

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We Always Do

Today is one of those days you just go with the flow of the day itself. My daughter came home yesterday, and will leave tomorrow. She has a busy couple of weeks ahead, thanks to her father, but the last thing I told her lastnight was…

We will get through it. We always do.

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One of my faves taken 9/19/2015. 

Cherish the Moment

The weekend is here, and I hope you have moments.

I am blessed to enjoy moments everyday, but for some, that is not possible yet. To relax your body, and mind to the point of seeing what is happening right in front of you.

My fave moment this week by far, was with my daughter.

She came home Monday, and was mentally and physically exhausted from her weekend of travel. It was late afternoon, as I stretched out across my bed; gazing out the window to clear my mind, and relax. She came in my room wrapped in one of her favorite blankets. We call it ‘bonding’ time.

She curled up at the head of the bed, and laid against a mass of pillows. She started telling me everything about her weekend, as I laid at the foot of the bed and listened.

We laughed at things that happened, and were somber about others.

In moments, time is passing, but it feels very still.

I couldn’t hear her voice anymore, as I looked over to see her asleep. She had talked it all out, and now she could rest. I tiptoed out of the room, taking the moment with me.

Food For One (Toasted Pimento Cheese on Wasa)

My daughter and I prepare most everything we eat.

As I was making this tonight, I wondered how many other people prepare a meal for one. It’s easier to grab something at a restaurant, or fast food chain, but for me, that gets expensive, and I’m particular about what goes in my body.

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Toasted Pimento Cheese and Taheebo Tea

My tried and true cookbook is 100 Days of Real Food.

Have you ever gone by the recipe, and it didn’t make enough, or it made too much? I haven’t found that happening with these. I feel successful when I cook.

This recipes are designed for 2 adults and 2 children, (her family), and I made this in its entirety, to have some later. The recipes are easily cut in half, for when my daughter is not here, or make the whole thing, and freeze what’s left.

After leaving North Carolina, and moving to Texas, it was difficult to find good Pimento Cheese. The author of this cookbook is from Charlotte, NC, and she knows my heart.

Use Organic ingredients if you can:

2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese (I grate half smoked and half sharp cheddar. Tillamook brand)

1/2 cup cream cheese softened

3 Tablespoons diced, jarred pimento, with juice (I use olives instead)

1 clove garlic, minced

1/2 teaspoon Dijon mustard

1/4 teaspoon Paprika

1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper

1 or 2 drops of hot sauce

Whole-grain crackers, for serving (such as Ak-Mak brand. I use Wasa)

Mix all ingredients, except crackers, with a wooden spoon.

The original recipe says to spread the crackers, lay them on a baking sheet, and bake at 350 degrees for 5 to 7 minutes.

Instead, I lightly broil them until melted. Along with my evening meal, or before bed, I drink a cup of Taheebo Tea to elevate my immune system. A couple of droppers full, in a cup of hot water with honey is very soothing. Enjoy!

Feel the Music (Plumb)

Prayer doesn’t need to be complicated.

My two favorite are, “Thank you God”, and “God help me.”

It’s been a quiet year, and I have made it even more quiet. Life gets quiet, like God is giving us a break before He shows us what’s next. I’ve never been good at ‘staying’.

This song comes on the radio every time I hop in my truck.

My prayer today is, “God. Help me to do whatever you would ask of me, and help me to stay.”

 

Me…Not Worried

I love the way God prepares me for what is next.

Everything you step out and do in life is practice.

It may not be a part of your plan, but by being willing to go forth, and just do, it will lead you onto the next thing.

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I was reminded this week, I cannot help people unless they are ready for change. It’s healthy for me today to set that boundary, and step away. I cannot save souls by posting on Social Media. It may make them feel better for a moment, but that is just a band-aid for something that runs deeper.

God gave me an idea on Monday, so this is day 3 of praying, pondering, and asking questions. I’m gonna move forward with it and see what happens. It is something I’ve done before, and it’s normally successful, but even if it’s not hugely successful, it helps others, and causes me to become better.

The biggest thing God has prepared me for recently is, not having Internet since Saturday. A short time ago, I would have come unglued. Slowly becoming disenchanted with technology, and letting go of all that a phone can do, has brought me to this peaceful space. The Internet will be back, but it’s nice to know, I’ve been able to enjoy life without it.