Tag: Writer

The Silver Bracelet

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My heart is heavy this fall morning in Texas. My best friend in the Chemo room, went to be with the Lord this week. She is healed, happy and whole, but we all miss her smiling face.

When I walked into that room to begin my treatment in April, and God knew I needed a friend. Someone special, that I would connect with immediately. That would be Vicki Davis.

I think I drove her crazy with my positive outlook on life. Nothing she could say would dampen my spirit. She tried to be grumpy with me because she had been down a very long road with this disease. I would smile at her, and just love on her until she smiled in return.

We had an immediate bond, and were good for one another. She showed me what true strength looked like, and I showed her I could love her no matter what. I marveled at everything she, and her body went through, hoping for a cure.

She was growing weary in her fight, and I asked her, “How much can the human body take?” She said, “We will see!”

We were scheduled for Chemo on the same day, Tuesdays, at about the same time. When you are sitting in a Chemo chair, you can either laugh, cry, or sleep. We chose to laugh. Anyone who has heard my laugh knows, it’s loud. Vicki had a laugh that matched. Both of us laughing was quite disruptive.

One time, we sat in a semi private part of the room, away from everybody else. You could look across the room and see everyone lined up sleeping through their treatment. Vicki and I were trying to outdo one another with stories of stupid things we had done in our lives.

We busted out laughing at the same time, and startled the sleeping souls lined up across the way. Like a row of dominoes, they jumped, looked around, relaxed and then smiled. They were relieved it was just us having more fun than we should have been. That was life with Vicki.

My last day of Chemo, as I was getting ready to leave, I felt a tug at my heart. It was time to let go of something very precious to me. I was given a bracelet last Christmas by another lady God placed in my life. Little did that lady know, I would be wearing it during Chemo treatments, a few months later.

My Chemo was coming to an end, but Vicki’s wasn’t quite over yet.

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It was engraved with one of my favorite verses, and encompassed my wrist as a reminder of what I was supposed to be doing. Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.”

It was a challenge for Vicki and me to sit still in those chairs. It was long hours, but being with Vicki made the time fly by. On my last day of Chemo, the nurses saved a chair for me to sit beside her.

I gazed at her resting in her chair, and sat down in mine. There was silence between the two of us, but the love was always there. Her IV bag was almost empty, as the nurse had just hung mine. I got out of my chair, kneeled down beside her, slid the bracelet off my wrist, and onto hers.

Her eyes opened as she smiled at me groggily.

She touched the bracelet, and regretted not having her reading glasses, so she could see it more clearly. I told her what is was, and what it said, and that I wanted her to have it for the remainder of her journey.

That was not even three weeks ago. It was her last Chemo that day too. Thank you God for bringing her home.

The Glorious Unfolding

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The light came into the room early this morning. It was overcast outside, but the house seemed to be filled with light. At 5:30 am, and cloudy, that could only be God.

It was time to take some time for me, and my soul. The verse, 3 John 1:2 says, “Beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper, and be in health, even as your soul prospers.” My health is a priority, and with God’s guidance, and His healing hand, I will become whole. He is not done yet.

There were a couple of men fishing early this morning. I sat at my writing room window, and gazed at the peaceful scene. They know good things happen early in the morning.

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I sat down, and started responding to email that came in a few days ago. One that I responded to, was from the most amazing woman on this planet, in my opinion. She walked into my life, literally, to become my daughters Nanny, when she was an infant. She loved my daughter as her own, and changed my perspective on life in so many ways.

If you are reading this right now my lovely…This is for you.

Lay your head down tonight
Take a rest from the fight
Don’t try to figure it out
Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart
‘Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold

Hold on tight. God is nowhere near done with you yet. Watch and wait for the glorious unfolding.

Here’s the video of Steven Curtis Chapman, The Glorious Unfolding.

To Be Brave

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I have not thought of myself as brave. I can be a Badass, but that occurs when something, or someone pushes me too far. My daughters says, ‘At that point, you better run.’

People are calling me brave for traveling this Breast Cancer Journey , but the ones who are brave, are the ones who went before me, and shared their story. This lights my path, and helps ease my fear of the unknown. Those people are brave.

No matter what you’re going through, you are not alone. The enemy wants to keep you in solitude ashamed of what your outward appearance looks like during this battle. Put that stinkin’ devil under your feet! I knew God wanted me to share this journey, but at first I was afraid. I’m more afraid of being disobedient to God than anything else.

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Surround yourself with people who will love you through it. Mr. Smith shaved my hair down to almost the skin this weekend. It was falling out anyways, but it took time and patience from a good man, to get me there. He is a chef, so he tied a bandanna to resemble a Chef’s cap. Be brave Beauties.

P.S. Another fear of mine was the port for Chemo. You can see the stitches in this pic. I love wearing tank tops when it’s warm, but there again, the scarring. My daughter said, “Own that tank top Mama. You look like you got into a bar fight, got stabbed in the chest, and won!”

The Next Right Thing

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Our lives are a series of choices.

It can be the simplest of choices, such as going to bed at a reasonable hour, so I don’t oversleep. To the hardest of choices as who gets to be in the inner circle part of my life. My daughter and I discuss this quite often, and we always decide to do the next right thing, and let God do the rest.

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I’m reading “No Excuses“, by Brian Tracy and recommend it highly. It’s a refreshing read, reminds me of some things I know, but have forgotten, and Brian is just good.

He said something, similar to the title of this Blog post, but he took it one step further. He’s talking about doing the next right thing and he said, “Practice the Universal Maxim of Immanuel Kant: “Resolve to behave as though your every act were to become a universal law for people.”

Every act become law? I don’t know about you, but I can think of a few things I wouldn’t want the entire world emulating. Each person has their own set of morals, but what kind of world would it be, if we all just did the next right thing?

Change From Within

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This week has been a week of growth. What is that other word for growth? Oh yea…Change. Gearing up to host a Letting Go Workshop makes me reminiscent of the first time I went through one. Going through my lessons from a year ago, it’s encouraging and comforting to see continual growth.

My life has evolved into a life of beauty and wonder. The lessons in the Letting Go Project equipped me with tools to continue to use when needed. One of the many gifts it gave me was feeling the change start to happen from within. It’s an unsettling feeling at first, but if you sit with it long enough, revelation will appear. I’m grateful that I can feel change stirring within, and let it flow out as a beacon of light upon the path.

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It’s natural when change happens from within to move outward into your life, versus life hitting you from outside and being forced to make changes within. That’s not a good feeling and causes stress and uncertainty. I began feeling at peace with myself, and liked the person I was becoming. That’s when life changes accordingly. I didn’t need outside influences to feel good about myself, or depend on anyone to validate my life. Change from within.