What is More

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I was reading a lady’s Blog this morning, and the pictures were of her house at Christmas. She had gone all Martha with the decor, and it was absolutely beautiful. It reminded me of my Martha Stewart days, and my formal dining room looked much the same way. I recalled the year I had to learn how to tie cloth napkins to resemble a swan, and rest them on each plate.

The photo you see above, was our living room, after moving to Texas 15 years ago. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long that we had this room designed specifically for this house. Each piece was painstakingly made, and bought for this room. The only pieces I have today from this room, are the two purple chairs. The rest stayed when I left, and I really don’t miss it.

It’s beautiful to look at, but do you know, we rarely sat in that room. This is the type room, that my mother would have covered the furniture with laminate. I walked through the room many a time, because it was a shortcut to my office. I walked through it so much that the hand woven wool rug started to wrinkle. That rug cost more than the truck I drive now.

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This photo is where my daughter and I moved to when we left. The little house on 40 acres. God had taken me from a 4,000 square foot house, to this 700 square foot one. It didn’t happen all at once. We downsized over time, but I can safely say, we lived in every square foot. I missed this earlier, but the round table is from the first photo, along with the purple chairs. I also still have the fringed, silk pillows, but they were replaced by these burlap ones.

My daughter and I have this thing we do. I say to her, “I love you”, and she responds with, “I love you more.” When I saw these pillows in a shop downtown, I knew they were for us. Somehow, the one that says, “I love you more”, always winds up in her chair.

I was thinking lastnight that my daughter was too young to remember all the grandeur. We have simplified our lives so much, I wondered if she realizes there IS more. I believe she does, and I know she remembers the house from the first photo, but does she know she can have more?

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This photo is our current dwelling, a remodeled 1940’s farm house, nestled on 5 acres. We grew to 1,000 square feet, and love every nook and crannie. Look at the shine of the wood floor! As you can see, we still have the purple chairs, and round table, and we spend a lot of time in those chairs. There is something to be said for well made furniture. It lasts for years.

Those purple chairs have held many a conversation. They have been slept in, and cried on.

I had my daughter late in life. She was a gift from God once I got sober. She hasn’t seen the driven woman building a successful business. She hasn’t seen me wanting for more. She has seen a happy Mother who loves to write. I had all the success I could handle before she was 5 years old, but exchanged it for a simple life, and to spend time with her. We are best friends.

Will she keep a simple life as she grows older, or will she have a lot more? I asked her and she said, “I may have a bigger house, depending on how many kids I have, but it will be minimalistic, furnished with only the things I love.” I said, “Like we did here?”, and she agreed. My choices for us have paid off, but I suppose if we want it, there is always more.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of 2016 that she had Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is going through Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

That’s Okay Too

I woke up this morning with no Blog title. How God can give me three one morning, and zero today, I don’t know. Then, I just sat with that realization, and thought. “That’s okay too.”

Stretching myself to write a Blog a day the month of January, is not about having it all together. I believe it’s about just writing even when I don’t have a plan. I have already accomplished three things this morning that were on my weekly list. Just a couple more, and my week will be complete. It’s all good to have a plan, but even when I don’t, that’s okay too.

I  walked into our bathroom, and it looked like a literal towel explosion. There were towels on the floor, tub, and shower. I scooped them all up and put them in the washer, and started the washer. After they are washed, they will be dried and folded, and put back into place. It was an easy fix, and I thought, it would be nice if all of life’s little messes could be so easily fixed.

This was by far the toughest day I had writing a Blog. Writing is a gift, so I’m not even sure how structured that gift can be, but I’ll continue on with my 30 day writing challenge. I have already learned a lot, and I’m curious to see what all I can learn by the end of the 30 days. I am already learning that a writer will write, with or without a topic, and that’s okay too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Humble and Kind

I woke up this morning thinking of these words. Humble and kind. They go hand in hand. When I stay humble, kindness  seems to pour out of me. I learned this lesson the hard way years ago.

Then of course, living in Texas, these words reminded me of a Tim McGraw song.

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“When the dreams you’re dreamin’ come to you. When the work you put in is realized. Let yourself feel the pride, but always stay humble and kind.” Do you have a dream you’re dreamin’?

My dream is for people to feel loved. To encourage them through whatever life is throwing their way. I have to believe by starting this Blog in 2014, God will use it to reach people. To let them know that life is a beautiful thing, even when it doesn’t look, or feel very beautiful.

I believe it’s easy to get wrapped up in the likes, follows, and numbers attached to it all. This was a struggle of mine, because I like statistics, but numbers are not always accurate. What about the silent numbers. The people who are in so much pain, that silence is all they have.

I have been touched by those people, so I know they are there. They won’t hit ‘like’, or make a comment, but they breathe in what you’re saying. I’ve received private messages from these wounded souls, and I treasure those messages. The souls without a number attached.

My week has not been pretty. Having frozen water pipes over the weekend, and then running out of gas were unexpected events, but both those things could be easily fixed, with time. I want you to know, that whatever you’re going through will be fixed with time. Time is truly your friend. It may not feel that way right now, but give it time. Time tells all, and heals all.

As I say this to you, I am also saying it to myself. My left breast is burning from the radiation.

I pointed this out to one of my radiation technicians yesterday, and she said it was normal with where I am on this journey. I have reached my limit with the radiation, so my skin will stay burned until it’s over. A couple of weeks, after my last treatment, it will go back to normal. This translates to me that I have two more weeks of feeling the burn, but it will end.

We live in an “I want it now”, society. It’s funny how the lessons show up quickly, but the good things take time. I have spent a lot of time on this Breast Cancer Journey, but so have the people around me. The pace is slow, and is physically and emotionally stretching, but I’m gonna take my own sweet time. Even through the frustration, I will stay humble and kind.

 

mescarf (135x240)Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of 2016 that she had Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

People Mean Well

My daughter and I live in a very small town. We found out recently, that people ride by and look to see if our vehicles are here. They know when we’re home, and when we’re not home. I’m sure they mean well, but in today’s world, that could be considered ‘stalking.’

There is a man who lives in this little town that seems to know everybody’s bizness. He knew when I was going through Chemo, when I had my surgery, and he knows I’m going through Radiation. He didn’t hear it from me, but somehow he knows these things. I wonder how?

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His wife has had Breast Cancer, and from what I gather talking with him, she is battling it again. He didn’t go through doctor’s to heal her. He knows people from years ago that cured Cancer naturally. He stopped by my house yesterday, and handed me a bottle of dark liquid.

How do we discern the right path? I believe there are signs along the way.

God has healed me, and He used everything I went through to do so. Will the Cancer return? I don’t know, but will cross that bridge if it appears. I thank God everyday for healing me, and I haven’t asked Him to send backup. In other words, I haven’t prayed this man into my life.

That was the first sign for me. Another sign is, whatever he just handed me is illegal. He told me he could go to jail for giving it to me. That was a big red flag because I don’t do illegal.

I would love to meet his wife one day. To see her, and hear her story. He said she has lost 40 pounds, and is healthy as a horse. Going through Chemo, I lost 20 pounds, and I didn’t feel healthy. I felt very frail, and missed that extra weight. Slowly, I am gaining it back, and 20 pounds kept me in the safe zone. Losing anything more than 20, I would be skin and bones.

As if I hadn’t heard enough, he just had to throw this in. This liquid tastes like death itself. For it to work, I will need to cut out ALL sugar, wheat and pasta. Welp, that did it for me!

I love wheat! My man has taught me how to make our own pasta, and I cannot imagine my life without chocolate. So, he was handing me something illegal that tastes like death, and I may lose 40 pounds because I would have to stop eating! I eat healthy, but love my treats. Everyday just happens to be an occasion to celebrate with a piece of dark chocolate, or two.

When people come into our lives, there is always a reason. I haven’t quite figured out the reason behind this man, but God will show me in time. He is pretty comfortable barging into people’s lives, so maybe no one has told him ‘no’ before. God knows I have learned how to do that too. Whatever the reason behind it, I know it will be for my good, and God’s glory.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of 2016 that she had Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Please Pay Attention

I am guessing when you live in a 1940’s farmhouse, you need to leave the water running with more force so it doesn’t freeze. I left it running slowly lastnight, but awoke to frozen pipes again.

This is really testing my character. Like so many things in life, I know patience and waiting will resolve the issue. The sun is out, and it’s going to be warm today, so we wait. It’s the patience part I’m having to work on this morning. I’m finding gratitude even without water.

I haven’t talked much about my divorce, mainly because it’s going in the book I’m writing, but I wanted to touch on one thing in particular this morning. Actions.

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My then husband was very hurt when I left. I refused to live in mediocrity, and I took our daughter with me, so he had a right. After almost four years you would think the hurt would have healed for him, but it hasn’t. He did things to create chaos in my newfound life, but I chose not to react to his actions. Once I stopped reacting to his actions, the game was over.

Hurt people will hurt people.

The only residual left from my married life is the IRS. Again, he didn’t do what was right, so the IRS has a way of haunting you about that. I am working with them, and believing God to make things right. Just like the thawing of these water pipes, it will take time and patience.

I pray for my ex husbands heart. That God will heal the hurt he carries inside, but it is up to him to receive my prayer, and allow healing to take place. When the time is right, he will heal. One thing I know is, his actions will be used by God to make me better, and stronger.

He did something rather sneaky last year, that will effect my new year. Somehow he got ahead paying child support without my realizing it. He bundled some of the payments, where instead of one monthly, he did three at once. I wasn’t paying close enough attention.

In November of 2016, he sent me a text informing me that he was ahead on payments, so I would be without child support for a while in 2017. I didn’t respond. I just sat still until I found peace. He knows this action has the ability to make my life difficult, but I know I’m going to grow through it. God has never let me down, and He’s not going to start with this.

It’s how we react to other people’s pain that fuels the fire, or extinguishes it. I also believe when people do things out of hurt, those things have a way of coming back to bite them.

I am guessing it’s not just me; he does hurtful things in other areas of his life. My daughter has a good heart, and she enjoys doing things that bring people joy. This brings her joy.

Our holiday schedule per the divorce allowed me to have her home for Christmas Day. My daughter made a decision to split the day between him and me. She knew it would cause disruption in the plans we had for that day, but everyone was willing to make adjustments.

We knew what she chose to do was good, and from her heart. So, she spent half of Christmas day with me and the ones I love, and drove to her Father’s house that afternoon. He was unaware of her decision, because she wanted it to be a surprise. Well, it was a surprise alright.

She got to his home, and rang the doorbell, and he was completely shocked when he opened the door and saw her standing there. She said, “Merry Christmas Daddy!” Can you imagine? He sent me a text that evening, thanking me for allowing her to come. I had nothing to do with it, accept to help make it possible for her. She is a big girl, and makes her own decisions.

I am grateful she makes them from the heart, and they are good. His text went on to say, “It was the nicest thing that has happened to him in a very long while.” I believe we know why.

Keep your side of the street clean, your heart pure, but please pay attention.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of 2016 that she has Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

It Wasn’t Pretty

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This is Day 6 of my 30 day Blogging Challenge. I didn’t join a group, or sign up for this. It’s something I want to do to challenge myself to become better. It’s not easy, but I’m digging it.

It’s cold here in Texas, and lastnight it got down below 20 degrees. Guess who forgot to leave a faucet dripping? Yes darling, I woke up to frozen pipes, and no running water.

My daughter and I decided to leave the house around noon, which by then, it had warmed up to 30 degrees. I knew I would need to stop and get gas, because my truck had beeped at me yesterday when I arrived home. Normally when he beeps, I have 50 miles until empty, but his data has been rather random recently. We drove 10 miles down the road, and ran out of gas.

It was pretty funny because I have NEVER run out of gas. That is one of my things, to always have gas. If I have to choose being on time getting somewhere, or a few minutes late to stop and get gas, I will opt for a few minutes late and get gas. I’d rather make sure that I actually get there. So, when my truck stopped running, I wasn’t sure what was happening.

We pulled over on the side of the road. Fortunately, we were on a straight stretch of a pretty popular road, and not a back road. For half a second I thought, “This is when having a husband would be nice.” Let’s face it, men know what to do when things like this occur.

But, that is not the case, so I did the next best thing. I called a male friend. He was out of town, so he called a couple of friends, and one of them brought us gas. We were saved!

We sat on the side of the road in our truck for about an hour, watching cars go by. Living in Texas, I was surprised that nobody stopped. Which, I didn’t bring attention to ourselves like turning on the flashers. I wasn’t really sure that I wanted anyone to stop this day and age.

My daughter and I just hung out in the truck, and talked about what was going on around us.

Even being stranded on the side of the road became an opportunity for quality time.

Once we returned home, the pipes had thawed out, and we had water again. It was all good. I guess that is the moral to this story. Life isn’t always pretty, but today, I saw a lot of good.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

To Be Missed

My daughter’s boyfriend is from Missouri. They spent 7 days together over Christmas break. She drove him to the airport yesterday, and returned home with a tear stained face.

They have maintained this long distance relationship for 15 months. He is 19, and she is 17, but they are mature for their ages. I’m encouraging her to write about how they do this.

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When she came home yesterday evening, I just gave her some space. She cried some more, and I took her tissues. I wanted her to cry and much as she needed, and to feel what was going on. Missing someone is a painful experience, but I would rather have someone to miss than to not. I told her, “It’s good that you miss him. I would be worried if you didn’t.”

Thanks to the almighty airline miles, they get to see one another often. Maybe not as much as they would like, but I believe they are blessed. Once every two, or three months, they reconnect face to face. Their love for one another comes easily, and is refreshing to watch.

I believe that is the way it should be. Love should come easily.

I know people that will have a hard time receiving love because of their idea of how they should be loved. What if you let go of those ideas, and just allowed yourself to be loved? I believe you would be pleasantly surprised how simple it is. This doesn’t mean downsizing your values, but you may need to let go of some expectations on what love should look like.

Ephesians 4:2 says, “Be completely humble, and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” I have found this to be true. Humble, gentle, patient and bearing.

My daughter will see her guy again soon. In the meantime, they will live their lives to the best of their ability, but keep a space in their hearts for one another. It’s good to be missed.

 

mescarf (135x240)

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, and loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. She found out in March of this year that she has Breast Cancer. She has completed Chemo, and is starting Radiation. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com