Try It Again

I woke up this morning with purple hair. My daughter bleached it, and colored it purple. We went kinda light with the bleach, so it’s more of an orange, and lavender mass.

It doesn’t matter to me how many colors it is. Just a few months ago, I was bald, so I’m grateful just to have hair. My daughter had a blast doing it, and thanked me many times.

It was a moment between us that we won’t soon forget. Mainly because everytime she looks at me, or I walk by a mirror, the hair serves as a reminder of the moment. She is already studying the outcome, and saying what she would do different if she was to try it again.

I filled the coffee pot lastnight, and set it to automatically make the coffee this morning before I woke up. I do this sometimes while I wait for my daughter to get up and make me a pour over mug. I know how to make a pour over, but for some reason hers taste better.

I woke up before the coffee maker was set to go off, so I hit the button manually. Shortly, I heard it beep like it was ready but, it didn’t look ready. There was half as much liquid to the amount of water I poured in the night before. I lifted the lid to look at the basket of grounds, and they were flooded. The water had not properly drained through the basket into the pot.

I was half asleep when I walked into the kitchen, and paid no attention to the position of the pot. You have to engage the pot completely into the maker for it to work properly. There is a lever that the pot presses against to create a seamless flow. The pot wasn’t sitting where it was supposed to be to receive that continuous flow. Are we still talking about coffee?!?

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I could have settled for what the coffee maker gave me, which was not good coffee. Holding the pot up to the light revealed it was full of grounds. Did I want to pour into me coffee liquid, or grounds? I dumped that pot out, and made a fresh one that I would be happy with.

I thought, oh I can still drink it. “It’s not that bad”, or ‘It’ll be okay.” God is not in the ‘Okay’ bizness. Ephesians 3: 20-21 in the Message: 20-21 God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

I enjoyed my fresh pot of coffee, and my hair color is fun. It’s good to know when there is an area in my life that doesn’t bring me happiness, I get to try again. This time with God.

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From a Distance

I spent the morning messaging a very good friend. It was a sweet time of connection, and we do this most mornings. She has become my very best friend, and I told her so today.

I saw her typing on messenger, and it was taking a while to pop up on the screen. So, I went to the kitchen to refill my coffee cup, and am really glad I did, once I read what she wrote.

Today has been an emotional day. Ed Sheeran’s new album was released, and my daughter downloaded it, and started playing it early this morning. Being the cool Mom that I am, I per-ordered the gift set of the album for her, but I am not sure it was solely for her.

God knows when you are walking through moments of tenderness.

He will send His angels to watch over you. They may come in the form of a friend, music, or whatever He chooses that you will recognize. God created our heart, and He knows how to soothe it. Thank God to the person who created Kleenex that doesn’t leave your nose raw.

My friend’s words touched my very soul, and I wasn’t sure I was worthy of them. She lives about an hour away, but she has been watching me from a distance, and knows me very well. We are like soul sista’s, and are capable of finishing one another’s sentences and thoughts.

This is what she said. I told her I was going to make a Meme out of it.

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I can only hope it poured out of her heart, in reflection of what I give to her, because I could have easily written it about her too. She took the time to write it out, and I took the time to make it a keepsake. The perfectionist in me wanted to reformat the entire Meme, to make room for our signatures. Words are meant to fill an empty space, and these filled up the Meme, and my heart. I see her signature, even from a distance.

Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

Big Gurl

My comment yesterday about the human cock, worried some friends. Maybe they think I’m going to start writing about my sex life, and turn x-rated. I don’t feel a need to give you the details of something so sacred to me. Some things are best kept in the bedroom.

In finding a more authentic me, do I need to spill my guts?

If so, it will fall to the pages of a journal. You read about my past loves quite frequently, but I don’t use their name. What you read is what I learned from the encounter, not always the encounter itself. I wasn’t ready for most of what happened in my life, so why would I expect you to be. Placing a name to the feelings I may be wrestling with is like blaming them for what I feel. No darling. I’m a big girl, and I make my own choices.

I feel at a very infinite level. There is scar tissue inside of me, not only from the Breast Cancer, but life itself. The scars are proof enough I showed up for it, and you get to read the beauty of it. There is enough hurt in the world. I am here to share the healing.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

What A Cock!

I am on a mission to uncover a more authentic me. The incomplete lessons I mentioned in Permission to Grow, are on my schedule for the weekend. I don’t think we need to hurry through any lesson because we miss out on the meaning. Is what you read here all of me, or only the parts of me I want you to see?

Maybe you don’t know of my love for chickens. This time of year farm supply stores have an abundance of baby chicks, bunnies, and ducks for Easter. The children love them, and my daughter was no different. The first time we stepped inside a farm supply store, she was 5 years old. Seeing all the babies, there was no way I could deny her a few baby chicks.

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What I thought I was buying for her, turned into a long time passion of mine.

For years I had chickens, and loved having fresh eggs everyday.

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Even eggs were pretty to me. I had chickens that laid a variety of colors. Some of my most healing moments were spent cleaning the chicken coop while listening to music. It was where I would escape to while building up the courage to leave my 25 year marriage. Being there brought me peace in the most difficult time of my life. Chickens got me through it.

They all brought me joy, but there was one that always followed me around. Her name was Reese. She knew my life was in turmoil, and she would show up throughout the day like she was checking on me. She wouldn’t come in the house, but she would get as close as she could. Here she is sitting in a planter by the front door. She laid her daily egg in that pot.

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Isn’t she beautiful? She was a Polish hen. I had to have at least one that wore a crown.

I say was because none of my chickens are with me anymore. I brought them with me to our new life on 40 acres, but we had possums that would come at night, and try to get into the coop.

I tried everything to keep them safe, and moved the coop closer to the house, by the back door, thinking a possum wouldn’t come that close to the house. One night we heard a ruckus outside, and I flung open the back door to see a possum inside the coop with Reese in it’s mouth. Trying to keep what I loved, had put them in danger. Reese died from my choice.

Me being the Redneck that I was, I yelled to my daughter, “Shoot it!!!” She ran and got her rifle and shot that possum right between the eyes. Both of us stood there and sobbed.

I won’t have anymore chickens. I won’t put another life in danger, for my happiness, including my own. I worried over those chickens every night, so the joy was already gone. I was now in ‘protection’ mode to see if I could keep them safe, because they were mine.

What did you think this Blog was going to be about when you saw the title?

I have a ginormous metal cock sitting in my front yard. It has brought joy to many people as they ride by. It reminds me of the joy I had with chickens, but it’s also the basis of many a joke.

Over the weekend, a group of bicyclist were coming up the road. I spotted them right when I stepped out on the front porch. They didn’t see me immediately, but they saw the cock. One of them yelled, “What a cock!”, and they all laughed. I thought it was hilarious, but one of them said, “And the lady heard us too.”

It struck me as odd, out of all the words he could have said, he chose the word, ‘lady.’ I am a lady, and wear it like a well weathered cloak at times. To get to the more authentic me, to discover who I am today, maybe I need to let go of some of that lady. The word that came to my mind when I heard, “What a cock”, was….Aspirations.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

Permission to Grow

Let me start by saying, I love seeing God walk through my life. I was mopping earlier, and had a revelation. Does that ever happen to you? When you are focused on a task, He whispers. It used to happen while vacuuming, but this house has carpet in only one room. He knows it gonna take longer than one room for me to hear Him, so it’s while mopping.

I am of the belief that change starts from within. If you have a situation in your life that your gut, or instinct feels unease about, look in the mirror. How long do we allow it linger before addressing it? I purchased a couple of online courses this year, and didn’t complete them. These courses were offered on a donation basis, so there again, not a lot of money.

There was a time I thought you had to invest a lot of money for it to be meaningful. If you have read any of my Blogs, you know I no longer believe that. The lesson is always worth the price, no matter how large, or how small. We just need to complete the lesson.

I saw a shift in my writing after we returned home from Missouri. It’s like I have this new, non Cancerous body, but God is still trying to get down to the good stuff. Authenticity.

The shift started with Be Engaged, published five days ago. From there I went onto being a Rule Breaker, revealing some Perspective, and some More Perspective, which brought me to today concerning Boxes. My friend Connie left a comment under Boxes. I realized the Amaryllis wasn’t the only thing that needed Permission to Grow.

a-tree-does-not-ask-permission-to-grow I’m not a tree, so I need to give myself Permission to Grow.

My best guess as to why I didn’t complete those lessons is…I was uncomfortable. They hit something within that I wasn’t ready to see. So, I grabbed my planner, and wrote that in there. Complete the lessons! Then of course my mind was flooded with all the ‘what if’s.’

I’m going to stifle the ‘what if’s’ today, and roll in obedience to God. Whatever it is I wasn’t willing to see before, I am ready to see now. To begin any change, acceptance is a good place to start. During Chemo, I gave myself Permission to Rest, and now it’s time to grow!

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

Boxes

Boxes are a handy item to have on hand. We use them to store things that are precious to us, and organize our lives. Have you opened a box that was taped up and stored long ago? What did the contents look like inside? I have found that the items looked more worn out from being in the box, than they did before I put them in. Are boxes protection from life?

I was at Target after Christmas. I know you guys are thinking you need to do a Target intervention with me, but it’s all good. It was sitting there calling my name after radiation.

The Amaryllis. I used to buy one of these every year at Christmas. My daughter doesn’t remember having these. This was when she was a toddler, and we had a butt ton of money.

I spotted a box with the Amaryllis bulb, and pot, sitting on the clearance end cap. With it being January, it was drastically reduced in price, so I brought it home to show her.

Upon opening the box, I noticed the bulb was very dry, along with the roots. I didn’t know it’s story. How long had it been in the box? How many places was it shipped to before it landed at Target? How many hands touched it, and were they gentle, or rough with it?

My intention for this bulb was to give it love, and watch it grow.

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The picture you see is approximately two month’s worth of growth. Pretty sad huh?

My daughter found it humorous, and called it, ‘The flower that doesn’t want to bloom.’

Now, I thought her comment was hilarious, but it also made me think. What am I not giving this plant, for it to have everything it needs to bloom? I told her, “I know right? I’m afraid I will over water it, which I am good at, and I don’t want it to sit in a cesspool and die!!!”

I took the bulb out of it’s original box, and placed it in another one made by me.

So, I took a chance, and  started watering it. It’s sitting by a window on my desk, so I made sure to open the curtain early in the morning, so it would be kissed by the light. If it was a cloudy day, I would turn on the lamp beside it instead. I started caring for, and nurturing this plant three days ago, the same day my daughter left to visit her Dad. Here it is today!

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Them three days, and it wants to bloom.

It may not grow as tall as the Amaryllis I had in the past because of the shape it was in when I found it, but it has grown with what it had to work with. A lot like us. We grow by what we are given, but first the box must go. Otherwise, we shrivel up in darkness.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com

 

 

More Perspective

I am calling it a day, and relaxing with a cup of tea. The house is clean, all but the floors, but I will take care of those in the morning. That is when you can see all the dust bunnies.

It was fun caring for the house today. Putting things back in place that we had left undone for a while. I didn’t rearrange one stick of furniture, but I feel my daughter will be blown away when she walks in. Heck….I’m excited about waking up and enjoying it over coffee!

I stripped her bed, and realized, she would want those same sheets. They are her favorite, even though they are plain white. They are one of her favorite brands, and they feel good, so in the washer they went. It wasn’t so much about the sheets, as it was the blanket.

As I wrote in Rule Breaker, about the candles, this blanket was also at Target. My daughter ran down the clearance aisle to see if there were any treasures to be found. She gasped, and grabbed this one, lonely blanket laying on the end cap. I knew it was trouble by the way she scooped it up in her arms, and wrapped it around her like a cocoon. Her face was pure Bliss.

The blanket was made by another one of her favorite brands. The same designer who made her simplistic style bedroom furniture, made this blanket. She squealed that it was 75% off! This blanket gives you the feeling of your favorite sweater, and you get to sleep in it!

She loved it for so many reasons, but I noticed it was ginormous. My daughter has this thing about her blankets not touching the floor when the bed is made. It’s a valid fear. Out here, we have scorpions, and she doesn’t want to hand them a ladder. This blanket hangs to the floor. I have never put clean sheets on a bed, and made it up to look like this before.

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By looking at it, you wouldn’t guess it has clean sheets!

After giving the house so much care today, this just about drove me crazy. Oh, I tried to fold the blanket in half, and make it look more pristine, but it didn’t look right. I tried a couple of more ideas, but then had the pleasure of pulling it off the floor and leaving it rumpled. This is how she left it, so this is how she wants it. She wants to wrap up in it.

I couldn’t bring myself to place my expectations of what a clean bed should look like on hers. This is what makes her happy, and I will not box her in. It makes me happy that she will be happy with this rumpled up blanket. The rest of the house is in order, but blanky… You are gonna be loved just like this. I might have to close her door til she gets home.

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Barbara is a Writer, a Mom to her 17-year-old daughter, a recent Breast Cancer survivor, and she loves God. When she started this Blog in 2014 Letitgocoach was the name that stuck. She enjoys helping people Let Go of what is holding them back from having a beautiful life. Her life is beautiful, and an example of Letting Go and Letting God. You may connect with her via email. Letitgocoach@gmail.com